now i know...

I just came across this article that exposes the top 10 words people mispronounce.  Thankfully, I'm pretty good on most of them.  However, I JUST- like within the past month- realized this one... Man do I feel silly:

FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES

• Incorrect pronunciation: “for all intensive purposes”
• Correct pronunciation: “for all intents and purposes”

All right, yes, I cheated a little bit here (for posterity’s sake, I should note that a phrase and a word are not the same thing) but this is still a very popular pronunciation mistake and one that I really feel must be addressed in a public forum. While “intensive” is absolutely a word, the clichéd saying that most people are trying to channel is all about intent. As for the rumor that I, as a younger man, frequently employed the incorrect pronunciation… no comment.

Full article here: http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/learn/10-words-you-mispronounce-that-make-people-think-youre-an-idiot

the good stuff

Spoiler alert: I got my niece and nephew two books for Christmas- both by S.L. Jones. My favorite is the Jesus Storybook Bible, which turns the Biblical Narrative into a children's book. It's brilliant and wonderful and amazing all rolled into one. Granted, the baptism theology is Armenian, but the rest is just plain fantastic. I love the part about the Paslms (read this with a very refined British accent. Ever since I heard Ms.Jones read her own work, I can't get her accent out of my head)

"David was a shepherd, but when God looked at him, he saw a king. Sure enough, when David grew up, that's just what he became. And David was a great king. He had a heart like God's heard- full of love.
Now, that didn't mean he was perfect, because he did some terrible things. No, David made a big mess of his life. But God can take even the biggest mess and make it work in his plan.
'I need a new heart, Lord,' David prayed, 'because mine is full of sin. Make me clean inside.'
God heard David's prayer. He forgave David...
David was a songwriter, too... David's songs are like prayers... and this one is called 'The Song of the Shepherd:'
God is my Shepherd
And I am his little lamb.
He feeds me
He guides me
He looks after me.
I have everything I need.

Inside, my heart is very quiet.
As quiet as laying still in soft, green grass
In a meadow
By a little stream.

Even when I walk through
the dark, scary lonely places
I won't be afraid
Because my Shepherd knows where I am.

He is here with me
He keeps me safe
He rescues me
And makes me strong
And brave...

He fills my heart so full of happiness
I can't hold it all inside.

Wherever I go I know
God's never stopping
Never giving up
Unbreaking
Always and Forever
Love
Will go, too!"

Now that is the good stuff.


Check out some cool videos and illustrations here: http://www.jesusstorybookbible.com/index.php?option=com_video

Well... its been a while.
Its been a while since I've been plagued with this type of sleeplessness. The motors in the ole noggin are churning over time, thus its time to bla(h)g.
I can't believe it is already December 27th. Man, time slips away much too quickly.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Truthfully I've had a lot to think about- some heavy- too deeply personal and downright heartbreaking to even touch on this here piece of the internet- others frivolous and not worth wasting time actually putting into 1's and 0's. It is staggering how quickly things completely change- like even reality changes on a dime... things I thought I knew I no longer do... its enough to make the most committed of men throw up their hands and give up out of sheer exhaustion.
I realized my main goal right now is to just figure out how I fit into God's plan. Does that make sense? I know that God has a hope and a future for me. I know I have the desire to do great things- to make a difference, to love and be loved, to share Jesus, to live a story worth telling, to savor life and relish adventure... et cetera... I know these things and I have a desire to be all those things, yet I feel as if I'm missing my assignment. Or, perhaps, it seems as if nothing is clear- like every path is un-tread and tumultuous. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem working for what I want- quite the opposite- but its hard to travel when there is no inkling as to where I'm heading.
I have this battle in my head between the rational mind- the one that I've been grooming over the past several years- the one that I never really had before and the one that makes me mostly act like an "adult" even though on the inside I want to do the opposite- a battle between that rational and the throw-wimsey-to-the-wind-you-only-live-once-take-life-by-the-horns-and-live-life-to-the-fullest part that really truly made me the person I am today. The stories I have aren't about sitting at home alone at night watching movies because it was the practical thing to do- no, the stories I love to have lived and love to tell are of the me that was surrounded by adventure and the foolhardy. What happened to that me? My peers could say they settled down, got married, had some kids... but what's my excuse? Why do I long to live differently than the way I am now? I don't want to be ungrateful- because I am, God. I am! Thank you for all the gifts you lavish upon me... but there is so little joy in my life right now- and its not because of depression or because I'm all down on things- not at all. I'm still living and breathing and fulfilling my duties just like I have for the past 7 years- maybe with a little more cynicism than before, but that is based on precedent not on emotion... its just that the thrill is gone, you know? And I get that "the thrill" doesn't need to be there all the time, I realize that life isn't always thrilling and dazzling and sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do what it takes to get the job done... but then I stop and I shake my head and I wonder why it has to be that way for me?
I don't have a family to support. I don't have a 401k to worry about. I don't really have roots here anymore- and they are getting cut off more and more every day, lately. I have a house, but as much as I lament about it's worthlessness, I've never really truly looked into no living here. I dunno. I've done the safe thing- applied for grad schools- which will be fine if they work out, but I don't know if that's what its all about either... Is it wrong to chase the high of adventurous living? And I don't mean that irresponsibly, I mean that is it wrong to want a change if what you're doing isn't where you want to be? The problem is, I don't mind what I'm doing, its just where I am doing it... blah... I could continue to complain, but it is what it is... and what I am is blessed. I just need a win, man. There has been so many losses lately, I just want a win. (Ironically, JV girls, 3-0, baby! Turns out I AM a coach. Take that, naysayers!)
I long with my whole heart for some direction in life... or, on the flip, contentment. Hence, the things that I think about. What does God have in store for me? Where? How? With whom? These types of things. He's made it abundantly clear that I am not one for keeping up with the Jones' when it comes to my station in life as compared to my peers- but why not? My human brain would say that it is because there's something big and special on the horizon... but that just sounds cliche' and delusional... What is it all about? Or, more importantly, why do I care? Did my parents ever wrestle with these questions? Can anyone who hasn't possibly understand?
wonder fills my soul at 1:25 in the am.
I trust in God. I know He's in charge. I have contemplated taking charge lately, but I know that isn't what I'm called to do. I'm called to serve and share and love. And its not about serving me and sharing me and (only) loving me- maybe that is the biggest roadblock- me and my selfishness... gah. I think the reason we as a culture enjoy looking back to the "good old days" is because we can look at those years through the filter of hindsight. We see the results and we forget the process. I'm tempted to long for before- when it was easy- and things were "normal"- but I realize that I struggled just as much then as I do now- just with different things, I suppose. In a lot of ways, things really suck right now. and, in a lot of ways, things are really awesome... maybe my goal is to just experience more awesome than suck on a given day. And if I succeed, then consider that a win... there's a story worth telling...
SO my prayer tonight is, Lord: Quiet the selfish desires of my mind. Chase out the whispers of the evil one: Thoughts and desires of resentment and grudges, envy and jealousy, discontentment and anger. Fill my heart with your joy, your peace, your hope. May your desires be my desires, your eyes my eyes, your heart my heart. Help me strive to be a better servant to you, and may I find joy and fulfillment in being your hands and feet.
Lord come quickly!

Beheld.

Behold, the Lamb of God
Who takes away our sin
Behold the Lamb of God
The life and light of men
Behold the Lamb of God
Who died and rose again
Behold the Lamb of God who comes
To take away our sin.

I couldn't get through those words without crying this weekend.

I'm reminded that He was born to die. for me.
my sins are gone.
I'm washed clean.
I'm God's dear child.

So no matter who's not speaking to me.
No matter who resents me.
No matter the sadness and emptiness and brokenheartedness...
Emmanuel is here.
for me.
and for you.
The only person who ever chose to be born, chose to be born so that He could die so that I might live.
Thank you Jesus.

GK, you're great!

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?
-GK Chesterton

simply put:

Lord, tonight remind me that I'm a tree in a story about a forest.

I don't think I have any regular readers left... but... Its been a while since I've written anything meaningful... thus, it's been a while since I've apologized for my delinquency. sorry. For anyone who's stumbled upon this here bla(h)g- welcome! and know that I've been marinading on a couple of thoughts, so stay tuned.

In the meantime know that right now as I lay on a blow up bed in one of my favorite people's living room in one of my favorite places on earth i am glad. and grateful. and relishing every moment of this reprieve. good things. Enough about me.

Coming up- jellyfish, lost dreams, 3g's, top 8 albums of the year, year in review (its been a doosy!!) and mobile soup kitchens. So what I'm saying is... if you're bored in 5 or 6 days, check back and you'll have lots of words to read. I can't promise they'll be worth your time, but they'll be here for your perusal.
until then... mazel tov!

Go out and start creating...

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done…”
-C.S. Lewis

mums the word

Man, I just love these guys...
I stumbled back upon this album, and naturally this song...
Granted, as a band they are very formulaic... but their formula rocks my socks off.
so good.

‎"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart, and flowers in your hair."
that's poetry, folks.

a thankful monologue

Do you ever spend time pontificating the amazingness of our existence?  I mean not only do I live in this beautiful country, but I also get to live in the suburbs in a great state very comfortably.  I was raised in a wonderful family, was able to go to private schools throughout my education, was given the given the gift of faith and parents who watered it daily.  Not only that, but I’m in the 21 century- where innovation and technology is growing at bananas pace and I have the entire world at my fingertips.  No piece of information is further than a click away.  Crazy.  Sure, we’re in a recession and my house’s resale value is nil, but holy moly- I quite literally lack nothing… well, I could use a new pair of Keens… but… my thirst for shoes is quite insatiable.

It is downright mind-blowing to think that of the billions of people who have lived on this earth, I’m the only one who has my job in my town in this house with these friends and family, etc. It is just nutty.  I am drowning in blessings- I can do nothing but breathe in the goodness of God. 

So I thought it apropos to list a blessing for every kernel of corn on my plate… and maybe a couple more…

Gracious God, Heavenly Father

The Headwater to the river of blessings that overwhelms me each and every day-

I am grateful for your loving kindness.

Your gentleness, your patience, your relentless forgiving and your consuming grace.

I am humbled by your love and your desire to have a relationship with me.

You sent your one and only son to live, breath, eat, sleep, laugh, cry, die and rise so that I might be one with you through His holy and precious blood.

You did that for me.

It seems that words aren’t enough, but tonight they’re all I have.

Thank you Lord.

Thank you for life.

For the air I breathe

The food I eat

The water I drink

Who am I that you would provide these things in abundance daily?

I am not worthy of your mercy.

Thank you for death.

For it is in death that we are returned to you in perfect glory.

Because of your Son death is not some veiled unknown, rather it is a homecoming where we are welcomed eternally into your loving, nail-marked hands.

But we were created to live and not to die

So Lord let me treat each moment as what it really is:

A gift from you.

While you know the number of breaths I have left, I do not have such knowledge, so let me use each to bring you glory.

May my words bring encouragement and peace

May my presence bring joy

May my thoughts be focused on loving those whom you love

And my eyes focused on the cross.

May my hands bring blessings to others

And my feet the Good News to everyone I meet.

May You be at the center of my life,  oh Lord, until the day we meet face to face.

Thank you for my family.

We all know you, Jesus, and because of that our kinship is not just of this earth but also in the life to come.  This is chief of all blessings: to know we will share eternity.

You provided a home that was not perfect, that was not always peaceful, not always joyous, but it was a home that was built on the Rock. 

Thank you for parents who brought me to the waters of baptism.

Who were concerned with parenting me, not merely befriending me

Who set boundaries

Who disciplined me

And held me accountable for my actions
But in all things reflected you

I am who I am because of them, gracious God, and for them I am grateful.

In you all things are possible, so I pray that those homes that are broken-

Those families where children don’t feel safe

Where they go unfed and un-loved by their earthly parents

Where there is no peace, no boundaries, no grace-

Creator of the heavens and earth, I pray that you bring to them

Your peace

Your love

The stuff that passes understanding-

The safety of your goodness and mercy

The fullness of your redemption

Come quickly to help them

Heal them and restore them to you

You calmed the wind and the waves, so Lord please bring calm to the lives of those families enveloped in the storms of divorce, abuse, adultery, alcoholism, and every other rift-making device the father of lies uses.

Adonai, you have put people in my life that love, support, encourage, anchor, listen, care for, provide, pray for, and invest in me each and every day

Oh how shameful it is how often I take them for granted

It is haughty for me to ever feel alone or unloved-
Thank you for the amazing people of God that you have put in my life

Keep them close to your heart, oh Lord

May I always aim to be a blessing to them

And to let them know whenever possible how much of a blessing they are to me.

Lord make me quick to listen and slow to speak

That I could be for them what they have so often been for me.

Give me ears to listen

And wise, soft words to speak.

Lord you are close to the broken hearted

And you know those relationships that are strained right now.

Bring healing and restore peace to that which was not too long ago filled with joy, love, and closeness

You are able to do immeasurably more than I can fathom, oh God

I know this to be true

not my will, but yours be done.

Thank you for music, my Lord and my God. 

It is an amazing blessing given to us by you.

Your heavenly angels sang to announce your birth

How can I keep from singing?
Thank you for the gift of a musical heart

And for the outlet that it provides for me

It reminds me of you, Lord, music does-

I cannot see it but it fills me up

Just as you are invisible, but your benefits fill me to the brim and then some.

Thank you for your Word

I don’t mean to put this so far down the list-

But you- God- unimaginable, unthinkable, unfathomable-

God

you speak to us in your Holy Word

In books that collect dust

And prop up chairs

Sanctify me in the truth- your word is truth

Give me a thirst for the truth and make me always consciously aware of your Spirit living inside of me

Cause Him to stir within me the desire to serve you with gratitude and honor you with everything I think, say, and do

Make my words and desires actions.

Thank you, Lord.

There is so much beauty in this world, Precious Redeemer-

The mountains.  Oh, the mountains...

The oceans

Flowers that boom in season

Vegetables and fruits in their brilliant colors

The awesome muscular frames of tigers and panthers

The stripes of a zebra

The antlers of a moose

The gentle eyes of a horse

The songs of the robins

The enormity of a whale

The breathtaking sunsets

The films that cause tears

And the paintings that cause one to stand in pensive silence

The perfect symmetry of the human body

And the striking beauty of deep blue eyes

Orchestras that cause goose bumps

And the amazing worlds that CGI can take us

The thrill of a roller coaster

And the ability to savor memories through pictures

All these things are from you, Lord

And we are not able to express our gratitude.

Thank you for the internet

Where people can support and pray and share in joy and heartbreak

Where we can stay connected

Face to face

In real time.

And forgive us for the wretched use of such a wonderful gift, oh Righteous Judge.

Thank you for:

Jokes

Stories

Books

Songs

Games

Scrabble

Laughing

Pumpkin pie scented candles

Guitars

Memory foam beds

Live streaming tv shows

Blogs

Walks

Bros

Cars

Mousetraps

Secretaries

Quotes

Trivia

Medicine

Icebergs

Juicers

The post office

Roommates

Retreats

Trampolines

Camps

Camp counselors

Campfires

Camp directors

Democrats

Republicans

People who want to make money

People who want to give money away

Police and firemen

Military personnel

Our leaders and lawmakers

Safety

Freedom

Churches

Gyms

Schools

Vespers

Teachers

Pastors

Professors

Encouragers

Those who are hard to love

Hugs

A good pair of blue jeans

Track pants

Inner peace- the kind that only comes from you

Uncertainty- because it makes me realize you are changeless

Pilot Uniball Micro 207 pens:  Best. Ever.

College degrees

iPods

Amazon Mp3

Nashville

MacBooks

Jr vs Sr night with Tim

Coaches

Love

Wool socks

I just fell asleep for a second, so I’m going to wrap this up, Big Guy.

You are good.

You are holy.
I am a sinner in need of a savior.

Use me, God. use me.

Thank you for loving me, Abba.

Keep us steadfast in your Word.

Keep them safe- the ones you put in my life

Build around them a hedge of protection from the assaults of the evil one.

May my value be found the price you paid for me

And my wholeness be always rooted solely in you.

Day by day, your mercies, Lord, attend me,

bringing comfort to my anxious soul.

Day by day, the blessings, Lord, you send me

draw me nearer to my heav’nly goal.

Love divine, beyond all mortal measure,

brings to naught the burdens of my quest;

Savior, lead me to the home I treasure,

where at last I’ll find eternal rest.

Day by day, I know you will provide me

strength to serve and wisdom to obey;

I will seek your loving will to guide me

o’er the paths I struggle day by day.

I will fear no evil of the morrow,

I will trust in your enduring grace.

Savior, help me bear life’s pain and sorrow

till in glory I behold your face.

Oh, what joy to know that you are near me

when my burdens grow too great to bear;

oh, what joy to know that you will hear me

when I come, O Lord, to you in prayer.

Day by day, no matter what betide me,

you will hold me ever in your hand.

Savior, with your presence here to guide me,

I will reach at last the promised land.

In your mercy, Lord, hear my prayer.

A-Men

For whatever reason, Tuesday is quote day.
Yesterday I asked my buddy (via text) if he had time to hang out before he left for his next tour.  He replied in such a kind way I almost shed a tear.  A simple "sorry I don't have time, but I'll see you next month" was expected, but instead I received words of encouragement and affirmation.  It was awesome.
This morning I came across this quote-

“Here’s something you can do right now, right where you are, and you don’t even need a book to show you how: when that next person walks into your office, calls you on the phone, or sends you an email, stop to seriously ponder the question, “Why am I glad this person is on the planet?”
When you have the answer to that question, take it from your mind, put it into words, and give those words to that person.”
- Trey Pennington

I think I'm going to try that.  I now know first hand the boost it can give.  After all, as Plato said:  “Be kind.  Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

God Made You Special

My buddy Randall made a fantastic kid's album called Slugs & Bugs: Under Where?
It is really solid.
Here is a sweet lullaby from the album.  enjoy.

hmmmm

I don't know what happened to Tuesdays with Buechner... well, that's a lie, I do know what happened to it- I ran out of quotes and I haven't had the time (or desire, really) to read another of his books.  I have a couple more, but they're like 12 or 13 on the list....
BUT I was reading some stuff by an interesting fellow named Dr. Peter Kreeft.  He's a professor of philosophy at Boston College... pretty impressive! He's also a pretty wonderful apologist.  I don't know how much of his worldview I share, but I do enjoy this quote:
"The Resurrection sharply distinguishes Jesus from all the other religious founders.  The bones of Abraham and Muhammad and Buddha and Confucius and Lao-tzu and Zoroaster are still here on earth.  Jesus' tomb is empty.  The existential consequences of the resurrection are incomparable.  It is the concrete, factual, empirical proof that: life has hope and meaning; 'love is stronger than death'; goodness and power are ultimately allies, not enemies; life wins in the end; God has touched us right where we are and has defeated our last enemy; we are not cosmic orphans, as our modern secular worldview would make us."

good stuff- you can actually read his book for free here (how cool is that??):
 

just call me Mr. Knight

wellp- today was my first day of coaching JV girls bball at my alma mater.  Between you and me, I'm very overwhelmed.  I really wavered on taking the job, but after seeking the advice and the encouragement of several coach friends that I have, I decided to take the leap.  I'm not at total rookie.  I've run camps and I've had 3 middle school teams... I figure that strengths are the ability to inspire, my knowledge of the fundamentals, and my willingness to be patient with this young team.  But I'm nervous about running a practice.  There's so much to coaching that I just feel ill-prepared for.  I don't have a lot of plays in my back pocket and I just don't have the knack for drills that the coaches I admire have.  I will... all in good time.... Today, we made first cuts today and one girl cried... heartbreaking...
Alas, everyone that I've shared my concerns with have been very supportive and the girls are down right pumped to be on my squad.  I hope they're as enthusiastic come January.  My biggest thing is maintaining their confidence in me, you know?  I hate the thought of people sitting around saying, "He has no idea what he's doing..."  ugh.
I feel good about the team, though.  We're young, but we have decent size and a lot of speed.  We can run the fast break with ease, which is nice and we should out rebound every opponent... so, we'll see...  I'm just glad to have something to tackle.  This is a big challenge- one that will take a lot of work on my part- lots of research and preparation.  Not to mention time management and organization.  Most of all, this will require patience and stamina.  Its a 22 game season.  Every week night is booked until the middle of March.  Talk about a marathon.  But I'm pumped.  Also, I hate losing.  Especially if I know we're the better team.  Hopefully that will translate into wins.  I haven't been on the winning side of many teams in my life, so I have the intense desire to turn that tide. I just really want to prove myself worthy of this position that I'm honored to hold.  Winning is only half of it- personal growth from myself and my players is the other important piece...If you had fun, you won... right? :)

As of today we have a perfect season.  Here's to keeping the perfection alive...
I'll keep you posted. 

The sweetest part so far is the awesome team polo shirt I got. :)
I love team apparel. 

gts.

stained.

in recent news, a former skinhead named Bryon Widner has turned his life around. The evidences of his former sins of racism, however, were plastered all over his body in tattoos that clearly indicate his past. His sins are externally visible and he hated it. He would do anything to get rid of them and forgo his former lifestyle. His face, covered in tattoos with racist hate, was his greatest challenge and evidence of who he used to be. He wanted the tattoos gone. He was no longer that man. He even went as far as to consider taking acid and burning his face to beyond recognition to get rid of them. He would do anything.


Well, fortunately he didn't have to burn them off with acid. A kind donor offered to pay the $35,000 repeated tattoo removal surgeries. Bryon underwent 25 extremely painful laser surgeries over a period of 16 months to completely rid himself of his past which haunted his face everywhere he went. The procedures became so painful with burning, blistering, and severe swelling that Bryon had to be put under general anesthetic rather than being kept awake.


Ultimately, Bryon's surgeons successfully removed all the tattoos on his face and neck, leaving his face clean and without evidence of his former life. Though the rest of his body remains covered in ink, Bryon is slowly covering up his other racist tattoos as he is able.  Check it out:

You can read an extensive article here  And check out the promo for the MSNBC special that aired this past summer- you can see some of the pain he had to endure-


This whole story has my mind racing. What a picture of redemption, you know?  It reminds me of the real-life version of the powerful Edward Norton movie American History X.
I wonder what it would be like if every time we sinned it was like a facial tattoo.  I wonder if- knowing the pain- we'd be like... ok this one's not that bad... I can work with it... but then we'd do something or run our mouths or fall into something terrible and then we'd have to beg and borrow money and hope that it was enough to get rid of that REALLY bad stain... Can you imagine the miserable existence that life would be if we had to go through that pain and torture to remove them? What a world that would be.
And yet, in the spiritual sense deserve to that pain.  We deserve to have our sins laid bare for all to see.  For our insecurities and shortcomings to be tattooed on our foreheads and knuckles.  We should have to go through surgeries and blisters and torment in order to attempt to make them fade.  But we couldn't even come close.  Even after 25,000 procedures our sins would be just as crimson and numerous and bright.  No, when it comes to our hearts, there is no removal by worldly means.

Thanks be to God that our sin is cleaned by the righteousness of Jesus.  It wasn't $35,000, nor was it pain-free.  It cost Jesus His life by way of a humiliating criminal's death.  But for us it was a free gift.  Because of God's unimaginable grace and mercy that is beyond our understanding, our sins aren't tattooed on our foreheads for all to see, nor do we have to suffer and grit our teeth in pain in order for them to be removed.  No.  Jesus blood wiped them clean and removed them as far as the east is from the west.
But oh how we try to be noble and proud and manly.  We try so hard to "do the right thing" and make plans for us to rid ourselves of our sin.  It seems as if its all to easy-
look at the cross and my sins are gone?  no way!
I have to do SOMETHING!
What I did, it caused pain:
Feelings were hurt
Expectations weren't met
Friends were let down
Love wasn't shown
Grace wasn't given
Words cut deep
I have to pay for this!!
God, hurt me!  Make me blister like the words I fire off blister the hearts of those I spew anger toward
make me cringe like the people I leave in my wake cringe when i let them down
make me cry like those whom I fail to love cry
I have to do something to atone for this, God... right?

No.

Jesus paid it all.
all to Him I owe-
sin had left a crimson stain
He made it white as snow.

Wow.  Not to say there aren't scars.  We are sometimes left to deal with the messy situations that we make when we're left to our own designs.
But the sin, the guilt, the aftertaste- all of it was removed from my inmost being when my Savior bled and died.
He took it all.
How silly I must look to God when I try to do my own surgery.  When I find the acid of the world in the attempt to remove my own stains.  How offensive it must be to the Almighty to hang on to guilt and shame even though He is willing and able to shoulder all of it.  How sad it must be for Him to see me limit my view of the creator of the world by holding back and not allowing Him to have everything-
to have...
me.

He does have me.  He has me in the grip of His nail-marked hands.  And even though I think that I can keep things from Him, I can't.  He knows me in the secret, in my quiet place- and even though He sees that- the deep, dark, dungeon of the pits of my soul- He sees the worst yet He STILL loves me.
Even though I deserve a million times the pain that Bryon had to go through to remove his stains, I've been given robe of salvation.
So now, just as Bryon has a whole new lease on his stain-free life, how much more should we, as bought-back children of God live each and every day filled to the brim with inexpressible joy knowing that no one- not even God- can see our stains anymore because we are clothed in the sinless blood of the spotless lamb.
Wow.

it took seeing a skinhead's tattoos for me to realize that.

Lord come quickly.

a little comic relief...

Man, I don't know why this makes me laugh so hard, but I am crying as I watch it.  SO dumb... but SO funny.
enjoy. :)

Beloved.

I read in the news today that more than 285 Indian girls whose names mean "unwanted" have chosen new names for a fresh start in life.  They were given names like "Nakusa" or "Nakushi," which mean "unwanted" in Hindi, because families often go into debt arranging marriages and paying for elaborate dowries. A boy, on the other hand, will one day bring home a bride and dowry. Hindu custom also dictates that only sons can light their parents' funeral pyres.

Activists say the name "unwanted," which is widely given to girls across India, gives them the feeling they are worthless and a burden.  "When the child thinks about it, you know, 'My mom, my dad, and all my relatives and society call me unwanted,' she will feel very bad and depressed," said Sudha Kankaria of the organization Save the Girl Child.  Some girls chose to name themselves after Bollywood stars such as "Aishwarya" or Hindu goddesses like "Savitri." Some just wanted traditional names with happier meanings, such as "Vaishali," or "prosperous, beautiful and good."  (read the full article here)

Wow.  Can you imagine being called unwanted each and every day of your life?  How terrible!  Moreover, can you imagine being a parent, looking at your little baby, and say, "You are Unwanted!"?  unbelievable.  
But how amazing is it that a girl who went by the moniker Unwanted for a decade is now known as Beautiful or Prosperous or Good?  Talk about a new lease on life!  To be called Beautiful each and every day must feel good.  To be called Good makes us feel good.  To be called Prosperous ignites the fire to continue to work hard.  There is power in our names.

I couldn't help but think of this in Biblical terms.  God has much to say about our names.  There are several lists of names throughout scripture.  God gave Adam and Eve their names directly, and instructed the parents of Ishmael and Issac, John the Baptist, and Jesus (among others), to give their children their respective names.   The names of Jacob's sons are really painful.  Leah was quite the unappreciated housewife it seems.  A sampling:

She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”

“Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.  

“Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi

“I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won.” So she named him Naphtali.

“What good fortune!” So she named him Gad. (I like that one!)


“How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” So she named him Asher.


“God has rewarded me for giving my maidservant to my husband.” So she named him Issachar.


“God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun.

The One, who when Samson's dad asked what His name was responded with, "It is beyond understanding" is also in the business of re-naming folks.  He gave new names to Abram and Sarai, Jacob, and Saul.  But He also gives us new names. 
We were never Unwanted, per se, but we were Doomed, Empty, Broken, Lost, Hopeless, Chaotic, Wandering, and Enemy, to name a few.  We didn't get to chose our new name, however.  This re-branding was all God.  He had mercy on us and sent His Son to do what we could never do. He gave hope to Hopeless, brought Enemy into His fold, made straight the path of Wondering and Lost, healed Broken, calmed Chaotic, overfilled Empty, and saved Doomed.  By grace through faith we have dropped the undesirable names that Satan himself has given us and instead we have all been given one simple, powerful, mind-blowing, life-altering name by our loving Creator.  

He calls us, Beloved.

Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of Hosea says that God will, "call nobodies and make them somebodies; I'll call the unloved and make them beloved."  

We have a new name!  Just like the girls in India are no longer Unwanted, we are no longer Unloved.  We are Beloved.  I need to be reminded of that so often.  I shamefully forget that I am washed in the blood of the Lamb, and God no longer sees my shortcomings, but rather He sees my Savior.  I forget that sometimes and I live like Wandering instead of Beloved.  Forgive me Lord.  Thank you for making me Beloved, not because I earned or deserve it in the least, but because you are love, and you bestowed your love upon me through your perfect Son.  Let me never forget my name, Lord.  Let me always live as Beloved.

Because He Lives

uprooted

yep its been a while.  I don't think there are too many people too upset about that, but since I have this here piece of the interwebs, I might as well use it, aye?  It has been a strange several months for me.  I've been inundated by a cloud listlessness and confuddledness.  I find myself unrooted and waffling... not fun.
I've tried and tried to get to the core of this general discontent, but can't quite put my thumb on it.  I think some of it is my goal for the past 11 years has been a BA and now I finally have it... so... now what?  I think I lost my person and I still don't know how or why.  I think some of it is 7 years in the same spot and the itch to move on wants to be scratched.  I think some of it is I lost the ones in whom I could confide and rely on... and I don't exactly know how to begin to replace those losses. I think I made a plan and reality isn't really in line with that plan so I'm a tad bewildered as to what to do and where to go.  I think the language change is just so heartbreaking I can't think properly. I think I just don't know, and knowing if half the battle... so if I don't know, half the battle is lost...  Oh GI Joe, how you vex me! :)  (you probably don't understand, but it made me laugh...)

So I'm putting all my eggs in the grad school basket.  Its not just school- no!  its a fresh start, a new perspective, a new lofty, nearly impossible goal.  New place, new people, new ideas, new energy, new challenges, new opportunities, new community, new world.  But man, what if I don't get in?  what if i can't figure out what to do with my house?  what if its all too much new?  these things... these keep me up at 1:39 am.
I know.  I know!  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.    I know, people, I know.  And I'm trying... but what does trust look like?  Is applying for grad school not trusting God?  Is wanting something new relying on my own understanding?  Is considering all my options and feeling helpless if this option falls through acknowledging Him?  Is feeling loneliness and emptiness being un-Christian?  I feel like I don't even know how to trust that I'm trusting well enough... I'm just... I feel like this:

roots up in the air for all to see- exposed and wilting.  Sometimes you see trees that are prone to falling over and they have those stakes supporting them... those stakes are missing and I'm left uprooted.  But that isn't necessarily bad.  This picture is all artsy and the tree is dead... BUT if you uproot a tree, it can be re-planted!  Maybe this waffling is to prepare me for a transplant.  Maybe this stirring of my soul is to create a desire to grow elsewhere rather than maintain a deep-rooted attachment to a place that I need to move on from.  maybe...

I'm fully confident that this will all be clear to me at some point in the not-too-distant-future.   The Good Lord has been so good to me and His faithfulness is unfailing.  I know this!  I just get frazzled when I'm in the cloudiness of my limited, sinful understanding.  Its like people of Minnesota who freak out in the dead of winter about the snow and the cold and the dark.  They act like they've never been in February before and they think that maybe, for the first time ever it will literally never be sunny and 80 ever again.  But sure enough, that springtime sun comes and melts the snow and before you know it they're tan and flip-flopped and that snow is a mere faded memory.
I know the snow will melt, I just get frustrated when my weak heat lamp of a brain fails to do the job.  I just gotta wait for the Sun...  (mull that metaphor over for a bit... it'll make sense eventually)

As I lay uprooted, its important to keep them well-watered lest they grow dry and die.  So I drink all the more deeply from the well of the Living Water-
Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 



Thank you, Lord for your patience despite my pettiness, for your grace despite my grumbling, and your love despite my listlessness.   Make your will my will, oh God.  Increase in me and help me decrease so that you will be all the more glorified in my every thought, word, and action.  Lord come quickly.

“Our identity rests in God's relentless tenderness for us revealed in Jesus Christ.”
― Brennan Manning

wow.

this is love, man... amazing.

Spurgeon on Psalm 121

What we as sinful human beings need is help,—help powerful, efficient, constant: we need a very present help in trouble. What a mercy that we have it in our God. Our hope is in the Lord, for our help comes from him. Help is on the road, and will not fail to reach us in due time, for he who sends it to us was never known to be too late. The Lord who created all things is equal to every emergency; heaven and earth are at the disposal of him who made them, therefore let us be very joyful in our infinite helper. He will sooner destroy heaven and earth than permit his people to be destroyed, and the perpetual hills themselves shall bow rather than he shall fail whose ways are everlasting. We are bound to look beyond heaven and earth to him who made them both: it is vain to trust the creatures: it is wise to trust the Creator.

humph.

I know you all have been waiting on the edge of your seat to find out if I've EVER mastered the art of fried Plantains...  (See: here and here)

well... I tried again today- this time the texture was spot on- I had to wait 3 weeks for them to turn totally black- but the flavor was all wrong.  Oh plantains, why do you vex me so?  Do you turn bitter if you over-ripen?  Do you need brown sugar?  Why plantains, why?  Also, why is the internet totally devoid of plantain information?  Seriously.  I can find out what shoes Jessica Simpson wore to the Emmy's in 2002 but I can't find out how to properly fry a plantain?  just ain't right, man... just ain't right.

Update- The Simpson thing has proven to be just as illusive... it just isn't my day..

Asleep

My buddy Marc is blowing up right now and that is so awesome, but even more awesome is this song he covers by Keith Green.  WOW.  I had never heard it until yesterday and now I can't stop listening.  good stuff.

Tuesdays with Buechner!!

Today's Buechner quotes are acutally not Buechner at all, but rather Henri Nouwen.  Why, you ask?  Why not I say! :)
Enjoy!!

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.”

“Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it.”

God as a House and a Pilot. Or: Two About a Storm.

I started writing one, and then it turned into two... SO here are two thoughts about storms... un-original as they may be...


I don't know if they still do this, but it used to be that in farm towns students would be given a "storm house" that was close to their school in the event that a blizzard occurs and traps them in town.  Rather than having parents risk life and limb to come into town and pick up their children, or getting the buses stuck in the drifts, the kids would simply go to a house nearby and weather the storm safely there.  It really is an ingenious idea that arose out of necessity, no doubt as I've seen first hand the blinding misery that blowing snow causes. 
I think it would be really fun to have a storm house.  All school year you knew the house that you would go to if the storm hits rendering you stranded at school.  Maybe you didn't know the people who lived there, but you walked by the place a couple of times- just so you know how to get there.  While it would be better if the big one never hit, you knew you had a save place to stay if it did.  Never would you have to sleep on a science table or on the wrestling mat.  You had a warm house with good food and a comfy bed in which to seek refuge if the weather outside turned frightful.  What a comfort that must have been to the families who lived in the outlying areas.  Country storms are no joke, and driving in them is an act white-knuckled heroism to be sure.  But to know that their kids would be safe in the storm must be a wonderful relief.  I really hope some communities still have storm houses, because it is a fantastic idea.
I think of my storm house.  When the storms of doubt and disaster hit.  The winds of worry and the hail of haughtiness swirl around me.   The green skies of heartbreak and the thunder and lightning of jealousy assail.  I sometimes run around in the storm- looking for shelter in houses that are full or uninterested: friends who don't care to listen, or inward reflection that only produces more side aches and emptiness.  For these kinds of storms, I need only run to my storm house.  Proverbs 18:10- "The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."  Only Jesus can take away worry, pride, heartbreak, and sadness.  Only Jesus can give comfort to the broken and peace to the restless.  Only Jesus took away our sin.  Only Jesus gives us Heaven.  He is our strong tower- our storm house.  When Satan huffs and puffs, he can't even make a dent.  We run to Jesus and we are safe.  Oh how foolish we must look running around trying to dodge the rain drops and keep our hair pretty in the wind.  Why do we venture out on our own?  Lord do you get tired of us constantly running away and then back to you?
No. Thanks be to God that He is good and His mercy endures forever.  He is our storm house- He tells us to call upon Him in the day of trouble and He will deliver us.  He says to come to Him as weak and heavy burdened children because He'll give us rest.  He says He's our storm house and when we see the clouds billowing on the horizon we need only seek refuge in His alimighty, all-loving arms.
Thank you Jesus!

When I am alone
When I am alone
Oh, when I am alone
Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
Just give me Jesus


-------------------
Last week I flew threw a storm.  I've flown over a storm before and I've been grounded because of a storm, but never have I flown through a storm.  But last Monday I did.  There was no beverage service and the fasten seat belt sign was never unlit.  It was 68 minutes of up and down side to side flying.  All I could see was grey out of the window and there was time when rain drops seemed like they would never end.  It was pretty unnerving.  I would have much rather been sitting in the terminal waiting for it to pass, but nonetheless here I was in the middle of a pretty big Arizona desert storm.  I took solace in the fact that the pilots had all the latest technology and instruments at their disposal and if they thought it was safe enough to fly through, then who am I to second guess them?  I would say there are fewer moments in the 21st century American's life that require more trust than when one is flying.  Think about it.  We are in control of almost every aspect of our lives, but when you fly, you buckle up shoot up to 30,000 feet and trust.  You trust the plane, the airline company's background checks, the flight school's training, the pilot's diligence, the technology's functionality, the air traffic controller, the security measures, the reliably that the mask will indeed inflate when it is filled with oxygen, and undoubtedly 55 other factors.  That's a lot of trust! But millions of people every day make it to their destinations without a single hiccup.  Its amazing!  The things that we trust have proven time and time again their trustworthiness, so we are silly to second guess them in most instances.  Certainly, even in the midst of an hour long storm, I was never in danger.  The ride was a bit bumpy, but the pilot had it well in hand.  His job was to get me safely to PHX, my job was to sit back, buckle up, keep my tray in the upright/lock position, and trust.
I think you know where this is going...
The storms of life seem bumpy and rough and gray, but the Pilot has it well in hand.  God has proven time and time again His trustworthiness, so who are we to doubt the Almighty?  What He ordains is always good- so even though the storms come and the winds blow, He is in full control.  We are safely wrapped in His nail-marked hands.  Our sins are forgiven, Heaven is our inheritance, and the peace that passes all understanding is ours through our Savior Jesus.  He gave us His Holy Spirit to get us safely home to Heaven, so we need only trust that He is greater than we.  Storms come and go- they flare up and whip and blow- but God is forever.  He who calmed the wind and the waves took away our sin and guilt, and He invites us to come as weak and wounded sinners because in  Him there's rest.
Hallelujah!

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. -Lucius Annaeus Seneca

booked it

I finished a book recently that was very wonderful.  It's called Ragman and it's by Walt Wangerin.  It is a collection of stories and hymns a prayers that are really powerful.  If you have a second, check out this chapter- one of my favorites- called "Killing in the Little Cuts". 
Very good stuff. http://tinyurl.com/littlecuts
OH bummer!  I just realized that the last 2 pages of the story aren't included in that link... grr.  Well, buy the book.  It's a dollar on Amazon.  You won't regret it.  When I have some time, I'll type out and then react to this story- because I think its really important- the whole "its not about me" mentality... and its a struggle because you're inviting people to use you as a doormat if you are only concerned with others and neglect yourself and your own feelings... anyway, more on that later.

daily bread

Today I made some lovely whole wheat-honey-agave nectar bread.  It was my first try, and it turned out ducky, just ducky!  Even after I put in Baking Soda instead of yeast... I got my jars mixed up... oops... It still worked- in fact it is quite tasty and delicious.    Thanks $20 Ebay breadmaker!  We're going to be good friends, I can tell. 
Its pretty cool to be able to create every aspect of my diet and know exactly what I'm consuming... well, I'm not sure what baking soda is... and I have no clue how it differs from baking powder, but I know that I unintentionally ate 1 1/4 tablespoons of one of them, and that's something... right?  Oh, also, one of them makes volcanoes when combined with vinegar and red food coloring... that's awesome.

Tuesdays with Buechner!!!!

"Turn around and believe that the good news that we are loved is better than we ever dared hope, and that to believe in that good news, to live out of it and toward it, to be in love with that good news, is of all glad things in this world the gladdest thing of all.
Amen, and come Lord Jesus."

"If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes, that is to say like artists, we must see not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces. Here it is love that is the frame we see them in."

A Need to Breathe

Think you need a day of rest? You're right
 Article by: ELECTA DRAPER , Denver Post

The brain is a machine that needs downtime.
Americans have become so averse to being unproductive that many have trouble waiting in line, riding in an elevator or stopping at a traffic light without simultaneously reading, texting or talking into some device.
Psychologists, ministers, scientists and even politicians are urging revival of the ancient concept of Sabbath -- a sanctuary in time. And it's not just for the religious.
Wayne Muller, therapist and minister, works with chronically stressed people who know they need to slow their pace -- clergy, doctors, educators, social workers, parents and so on -- but they find it so difficult to step back from their work that they desperately seek permission to rest.
Muller points out that no less an authority on people than God gave permission for an entire day of rest every week. "It's not just permission, it's a commandment."
It's the commandment people most frequently blow off, Muller said, but it's the one that scripture explicitly refers to more than the other nine commandments combined.
Religion aside, psychologists and neurobiologists are learning that, if the Sabbath didn't exist, it would be more necessary than ever to invent it.
A constant flow of information and a perpetually busy state interfere with our ability to think and make decisions, scientists say.
Angelika Dimoka, director of the Center for Neural Decision Making at Temple University, studies how the brain processes information. Her research has found that, as the flow of information increases, activity increases in the region of the brain responsible for decisions and control of emotions -- but only up to a point.
Flood the brain with too much information, and activity in this region suddenly drops off. This center for smart thinking not only doesn't increase its performance, it checks out.
Boulder, Colo., psychologist Joan Borysenko works with busy executives who fear taking time off each day or week will break their stride in their high-achieving lives.
"A lot of people I know can't take a full day off. They are anxious the whole time. Their minds are racing," said Borysenko, author of "Fried: Why You Burn Out and How to Revive."
But when people take time to quiet down the left brain, to forget about to-do lists and to unplug from more input, she said, solutions often percolate up from the subconscious.
"The history of creativity is filled with stories like this," Borysenko said. "A few days of not thinking about a problem, then the answer simply appears."

Original Link: http://www.startribune.com/nation/129241828.html

¹ You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain.  Ps 139.

The "too lofty for me to attain"...
Some things are meant to be a wonder and not fully understood or grasped. It's just too lofty - too impossible for the created to understand.  How limited the Creator would be if His creation fully understood His ways.
It is fun though - to ponder and discuss... Maybe that is partly what pulls us closer to God - because, like small children, we don't understand, but we trust as He navigates us through life as we, as his dearly loved kiddos trotting along side Him, cling to His finger because His hand is too big for ours to fit around...

Tuesdays with Buechner!!!!

I almost forgot!  Check out this cool little java script gem:

Solid Declaration

hmm... post #400.  Nice.
I love being a Lutheran for so many reasons.  I'm not talking the cheeky, stereotypical, give a chuckle reasons either.  In fact, I'm not the type of Lutheran who eats lefse, and I hate Sauerkraut so there goes those.  I smile and don't mind clapping, so those are gone as well.  No, I love being a Lutheran of the conservative ilk, because it means that I have been blessed to have been given and taught the proper understanding of God's Word.  Yep, I'm going to say it.  If you're not a (conservative) Lutheran, than you do not have a proper understanding God's Word.  Namely, you misunderstand the sacraments and (probably) conversion.  I'm not saying I'm better than you or that my tribe is greater than your tribe, I'm just saying that, quite frankly, you have been misled, thus you're missing out on a wonderful piece of God's overwhelming grace.  I'm not saying we're perfect, far from it!  But we as Lutherans have a scandalous and unique understanding of how God imparts His grace on His people, and I happen to believe that it is the truth.
I realize that sounds pompous and horribly haughty, but I know what I know.  And, really, if I didn't know that Lutheranism = truth, then why would I be a Lutheran?  If I thought the Baptist understanding of the sacraments was right, you'd hope I was a Baptist, right?
Anyway, this whole diatribe comes from a discussion we as a pastor staff were having this morning about the Lord's Supper and forgiveness.  There are those among us that feel that we are merely reminded of our forgiveness as we partake, and those (like me) who believe that our sins are tangibly and actually forgiven with the consumption of the body and blood of our Savior.  It was a great conversation because we are Lutherans!  As Lutherans we have this AMAZING collection of our statements of belief called the Lutheran Confessions.  I've always been one to roll my eyes when one speaks of the Confessions, but that was because I never dove into them.  The truth is they are amazing in their eloquence and exposition of God's Word and, truth be told, they are completely unique in all of Christendom.  What a blessing they are!
As I was reading the Confessions in regards to the Holy Supper, I came across this beautiful passage in SD VII, 69-71.  Enjoy!

The true and worthy guests, for whom this precious sacrament above all was instituted and established, are the Christians who are in weak faith, fragile and troubled, and greatly terrified in their hearts by the immensity and number of their sins, and think that they are not worthy of this precious treasure and the benefits of Christ, and who feel the their weakness of faith and deplore it, and desire with all their hearts that they may serve God with stronger, more joyful and resolute faith and pure obedience.  

As Christ says, (Matt. 11:28): Come unto Me, all who are weak heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Also (Matt. 9:12): Those who are well need not a physician, but those who are sick. Also (2 Cor. 12:9): God's strength is made perfect in weakness. Also ( Rom. 14:1&3 ): welcome those who are weak in faith.., for God has received him. And, for whosoever believes in the Son of God, be it with a strong or with a weak faith, has eternal life  (John 3:15f). Moreover, worthiness does not depend upon great or small weakness or strength of faith, but upon the merit of Christ Jesus our Lord.

OK, so they really liked commas in the 16th century... But wow!

Lord, make me a true and worthy guest of your table  May I always be weak and fragile before you and troubled by my sins.  Not that they would burden or hinder me, but rather I would look at my filthy rags and I would always turn to you, leaving my weakness and sin at the empty tomb and be made whole and strong in your perfection.  May I always desire to serve you with a stronger, more joyful and resolute faith, granted to me by the power of your Holy Spirit who is living within me.  Thank you for giving me your body and blood in which I receive the forgiveness of sins, assurance of Eternity in Heaven, and the strengthening of my faith.  In the name of your perfect and risen Son, Jesus I come to you, my rock and my redeemer.
A-men.

lotto!

It is fantasy football season and I am kind of freaking out.  I'm in four leagues this year and they're all very serious.  Gone are the days of checking on my team from time to time and allowing the computer to draft for me.  No, now I have all the research in front of me and I'm checking injury reports and mock drafts and all the websites for the latest news so that when I draft my team I pick the best guys.  Its tough work!  Certainly not for the faint of heart.  There are some MAJOR bragging rights on the line!  You never know how the people you choose will perform, so you have to know your stuff in order to pick reliable, consistent players.  I have to make sure I pick the right guys lest my team is terrible and I spend 16 weeks of football bottom-dwelling and hearing about it from my opposition.

2 Thessalonians 2:13-14 says: But we ought always to thank God for you because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. 
It seems to me that God didn't do His homework.  If He was to have read the fantasy report on you and me, He would have seen that we are consistently rude, spiteful, lustful, prideful, unreliable, and downright unpleasant.  There's no way that He would choose me.  I don't bring anything to the table except my filthy rags and inadequacy.    And yet, chose me He did!  He took my dirty rags upon Himself and clothed me in the splendid robe of His glorious righteousness.  He took my rudeness, spite, lust, pride, flightiness, and every other defiancy and He nailed them all to the cross.  He CHOSE me.  It wasn't because He didn't know me, or because He was unaware of my weakness.  Rather it was because He DOES know me and He is FULLY aware of my weakness that He was nailed to a tree and chose me to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit.  He knew I was too weak to do it on my own, so He chose to suffer and die that I might live.  Wow.  Thank you Lord!

New stuff from Aaron Shust

Tuesdays with Buechner!!!

"I not only have my secrets, I am my secrets. And you are yours. Our secrets are human secrets, and our trusting each other enough to share them with each other has much to do with the secret of what it means to be human." 

"Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It's the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too. "

sunday funday

another year of church league softball finished tonight.  Both games were decided by one run... well, we tied the last game... so lame.  But man, softball is such good fun.  I wish I had the athletic drive I have now back in high school... regardless, sunday nights in the summer I'm living the dream, baby!

Anyway, this is a big and busy week.  Fall planning is in full effect and some of the things that I proposed were more or less adopted, so now it falls on me to follow through... sometimes I really need to keep my mouth shut. :) good times, though!
yep.  big week.

most vexatious.

wow.  GRE vocab lists are categorically quixotic.  To imbibe such lexeme is inanely absurd.  It is incontrovertible to ruminate that I will recollect said lexeme or their morpheme once this assessment is concluded.  Oiy.

clang a lang

This isn't a well flushed-out thought, so forgive me, but I've been thinking about this and I wanted to get it out on paper... er... screen.  I'll add it to my "work on later" list... anyway-
This past Sunday I had the privilege of cheering on some friends as they ran a mini-triathlon.  I had a great time cheering on my favorite people ever at the TC marathon last year, and I'm doing the same for my roommate this year, so I jumped at the opportunity to once again rah rah rah for people who are attempting a feat that I would never even dream about doing.  I respect their drive and determination.  BIG TIME! and it is really fun to see the look of relief and sheer elation when it's all over.  Honestly, they are genuinely fun experiences. 
Anyway, I was standing on the curb waiting for the first of our cheer recipients to pedal by when a guy my age and his two little kids settled next to me.  The kids were cute and he was obviously supporting his wife.  No big deal, right?  Well the thing is about cheering for running events is people sometimes bring noisemakers.  The family to my left brought cowbells.  Like 10 of them.   So every time someone rode in front of us,  the kids would frantically shake their cowbells and cheer wildly for the sweating stranger swiftly speedy by.  By the forty fifth minute, it had become almost nauseating.  I, a mature and seasoned cheerer, opted for the more civilized cheer of "Go!  good job ladies!  Keep on pedaling!"  (It was an all female race).  I would yell this out randomly as I was carrying on a conversation with the rest of our cheering section. The cowbell kids made enough noise for the bulk of us.
Really we were all annoyed with the constant cowbell clattering, so when their mom rode by and they moved on to cheer for her elsewhere we were all relieved.  But then something strange happened.  We all started talking and sharing stories and we kind of stopped cheering at all.  That's when a woman rode by and scolded us, "Hey!  Make some noise!!"  she clamored.  (Full disclosure, I could have sworn she said, "Hey, my Illinois!," but I was assured she wanted us to support her).  I was quickly reminded that I wasn't there for me and my conversation, rather I was there for the participants of this insane feat of physical strength and endurance.  So I cheered with all the gusto of Sparky Polaski.  It seems as if what had become annoying to us was sweet music to the strained ears of those actually exerting themselves. 
After our riders had rode by we made our way to the finish line which is so much fun.  People are going nuts and runners can't help but smile as there is a tunnel of people encouraging them on.  Well, as luck would have it the cowbellers were right next to us again.  This time it didn't really bother anyone because the whole crowed was going bananas.  After their mom had finished- she had an amazing time- she ran over to them and give them a big, undoubtedly moist, hug and she looked her kids in the eyes and said, "thank you so much for shaking those cowbells and making so much noise! I could hear them and they made me go faster and faster!" or something to that extent.  I was once again reminded that this cheering thing wasn't about me... it was about those swimming, biking, and running.  And, in that regard, it is obvious that the cowbells work.  There's a reason why corporations give them out at marathons, I suppose...
So, here are my thoughts on this.  I want to be an encourager.  I greatly admire people who, without even trying, are able to give that word of praise that just sends people over the moon.  Who doesn't love that feeling?  Its wonderful to be thought of and to know people who are thoughtful.  I was paid a supremely high compliment a couple of weeks ago when someone I didn't really know came up to me and said that even though she didn't know me she liked me because I was good at encouraging kids to do their best.  I don't know if that is true, per say, but I do indeed try to encourage.  Sometimes its all I can do, you know?  I can't run the marathon for you, but I can, and do, take real joy in cheering you on as you trot on by.  Its the least I can do.  And, when I remember that it's not about me, I think I do an OK job of cheering people on.  But the thing is I don't want to be a cowbeller.  I mean I don't want to be a cowbeller to the people that I'm trying to encourage.  What I'm trying to say is I don't want to be annoying.  It's a fine line, isn't it?  I want people to know that I care and that I'm in their corner and I want them to succeed and have all their dreams come true, but if all I do is stand there and clang the cowbell... well, that encouragement falls on ringing, annoyed ears.  Sometimes encouragement comes in rah rah rah's and sometimes it comes in a simple high five...  I guess I just hope and pray I can always give the right kind of cheerleading... is that an odd concern?
As I write this, I don't know why it is such a big deal to me... but it really is.  I guess I'm just very conscious of how I come off lately and I just don't want to annoy...  I want to give love and support the way the people need to be loved and supported... which is often easier said than done.
I want to be a Timothy, who was sent to the Thessalonians to encourage them.  I don't want to make this about me, but rather focus on those God has given me and lift them up as they race on by, you know?  I think that's a pretty fantastic goal.  So, Lord, I guess my prayer is may I be an encouraging cowbell ringer, not an annoying one.  May you use me to inspire the attitude of that mom to her kids rather than the attitude that I had toward them.  Yep, if one day people are sitting around drinking beers talking about the kind of guy I was... I think if I could choose what I'd like to be known for, it would be as an encourager.  That would be pretty great.  Now I need to get me a cowbell, baby!

Its a shame about ray

ten points for anyone who knows the band who's album is this post's title...

So you know how I said I wanted some new tunes?  Well, I revived my love of Ray LaMontange for the past couple of days... man he can sing.  BUT, tonight as I was on my way to basketball I went up a couple of clicks on the ole iPod to Ray Boltz. Why not, right?   I know he's now on the outs... literally... but back in the day he was a big deal.  I still remember when my dad came home with his album Allegiance.  He sat my mom and I down and played Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb at least twice.  The whole album, however, is just really solid.  For real.  I've always had a place in my heart for it, and even though I've sung Pledge Allegiance no less than 9,000 times in my life, my favorite song on the album is The Anchor Holds.  Its the last song of three called "The Storm".  It starts with the up beat Set Sail talking about living life knowing God is in control, then there's an instrumental interlude that goes through a storm- building and chaotic- then calm.  Then comes The Anchor Holds... It spoke to me tonight as it did back in '93 when I heard it for the first time.  I am really glad God has made music such a major part of my life... I just can't imagine a tune-less existence.  As Luther said (I think it was Luther...) after the Bible, music is God's greatest gift to His people,  afterall, it is the only thing we can take with us to Heaven... well if Marty didn't say that, he should have, cuz it's genius! :)
SO, if I may... please enjoy The Anchor Holds... ALSO enjoy Ray Boltz's mullet.  It is glorious.



I have journeyed through the long dark night,
Out on the open sea, by faith alone,
Sight unknown; and yet his eyes were watching me.

The anchor holds,
Though the ships been battered.
The anchor holds,
Though the sails are torn.
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas.
The anchor holds in spite of the storm.

I've had visions, I've had dreams;
I've even held them in my hand.
But I never knew they would slip right through,
Like they were only grains of sand.

The anchor holds,
Though the ships been battered.
The anchor holds,
Though the sails are torn.
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas.
The anchor holds in spite of the storm.

I have been young but I'm older now.
And there has been beauty these eyes have seen.
But it was in the night, through the storms of my life,
Oh, that's where God proved His love for me.

The anchor holds,
Though the ships been battered.
The anchor holds,
Though the sails are torn.
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas.
The anchor holds in spite of the storm.

I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas.
The anchor holds in spite of the storm.