When I was a lad I wanted to be several things. I recall having a deep affinity for the idea of being an over-the-road trucker for a while. I loved construction trucks, and like a good boy I wanted to drive bulldozers and backhoes. My grandpas are both woodworkers, and my dad can fix and construct the most delicate things- even with his big bear hands. You would think that I would have at least a shred of that sort of talent in me… but, alas, I do not. I am an abstract thinker and an abstract creator. I can’t draw to save my life and when I was a lad I had all the cool tools and even a construction belt, but a woodworker I was not. I wanted to be one, however. I’m pretty sure I also wanted to be a GI Joe and a Transformer. Maybe a transforming GI Joe… that would be useful to the US Military, I’d think… I had an awesome karaoke machine that also recorded, so I’d do radio broadcasts all the time. I’d pretty much do just news stuff, I think and then throw in some songs from my sister’s cassette tapes. I guess I wanted to be a DJ. I would spend hours in my room creating these masterpieces that I don’t think anyone ever listened to. My voice was high… very high, and if these tapes still exist, the listener could indeed die of laughter. I think my sister has at least one of said tapes in her possession today. Her house just had a mild flood. I can only pray the tape was destroyed in it. I don’t really recall too many other ambitions as a youngster.
I can’t remember ever saying or thinking that I would be a pastor, but I had a pulpit in my basement and I had an old dress that looked like a Geneva Gown that I would wear and I would throw down some fire and brimstone to the good people of Burke Avenue. I remember being outside and “preaching” at least a couple of times. I can’t imagine what the neighbors were thinking. John 3:16 was the typical text, I believe. I’m sure my homiletics were terrible. :)
I do remember, however, my dad giving me a little book that I still have somewhere that I’ve never read called “The Road Less Traveled”. It was about going into the ministry. He brought it home from one of his trips to the synod headquarters in Milwaukee. (Side note: one time when he came back from Milwaukee, he bought me a plaque with the Irish Traveler’s Blessing on it. He woke me up to give it to me. I can still remember him standing next to my top bunk and showing me and I was so pumped to get a gift. I still have that too.) He also put me on the Northwestern College (former pastor’s training school) mailing list when I was like 10. I had a seminary poster hanging in my room when I was in grade school. But I really don’t recall ever dreaming of being a pastor or anything.
When my brother was in high school he dropped Latin which made my parents upset because you needed Latin to go to Northwestern and be a pastor. My brother didn’t want to be a pastor and he didn’t like Latin (like every other normal person) so he dropped it. I deliberately took Latin (even though it’s a ridiculous choice of a language) as a freshman because I thought it would make my parents proud, but they never really said anything about it. I remember being pretty discouraged by that and by my sophomore year of high school any and all notion of going into the ministry was vehemently denied. My nemesis of sorts in high school was a fellow pastor’s kid and he would call me “reverend” to make fun of me. That’s how much I hated the idea of being a pastor… it was insulting. In a wonderful twist of fate, we were both youth ministers for 3 years and we had an awesome time going on retreats and planning youth stuff together. He’s moved on now to teach full time, but it was cool to be in the youth trenches with him.
Jurassic Park came out when I was middle school aged and that made me want to be a paleontologist. My buddy Terry worked at the science museum and got me a rock hammer and I wrote a bunch of university’s geological departments asking about places to go fossil hunting. I had a bunch of dinosaur books and was all about being a rock scientist. But we never went looking for fossils and my desire to uncover strange and exotic dead things soon became extinct (wordplay!!). I’m sure I wanted to be a teacher at some point. My 4, 5, and 6th grade teacher was the MAN and I still idolize him a bit. I’m sure I wanted to be like him for at least a little while. My 8th grade year book said I wanted to be a professional golfer. That is still a possibility, I suppose…
In high school I don’t really recall what my career ambitions were. I loved making videos and editing stuff and whatnot, so maybe it was something with that? By my senior year I wanted to be an acoustical engineer. Which would still be super interesting. I was all about looking for schools that had that program, but then I was talking to an engineer at my church and he told me it was all math based… so no acoustical engineering for me. Then I decided to go to Luther College and my “official” major (which is so lame to declare as a pampas 18 year old…) was music business. I wanted to open a music store, I guess… Again, that didn’t last long. I then went to community college and took some really cool classes dealing with drug and alcohol addiction, so for a while an addiction counselor was on the list. Then maybe a teacher again?
By age 21 or 22 I think I knew that the ministry was what I was cut out for. I love people and I love my Savior, and people with those two loves really have the duty and honor to put them together as a profession. I was living at home and working at the Olive Garden when my dad took me to a conference of some really cool church leaders (including my future bosses) and after spending those 2 or 3 days with my pops and the 130 or so pastors and lay-leaders I knew that it was what I wanted to do. People used to tell me at the Olive Garden that I should be a youth pastor, to which I scoffed because conservative Lutherans don’t “do” youth pastors. I vividly remember at least a dozen conversations with various people on how I should work with youth and my response was always I hate kids, and I want to be a “real” pastor. HA! You think God doesn’t have a sense of humor??
Needless to say I am a youth minister, but I don’t think I’m grown up. One of my gifts is also one of my biggest downfalls in that I am very interested in a lot of things. I’m a trivia nerd because everything interests me. Some (PARENTS!) perceive it as a lack of focus, but in reality it's a wealth of focus spread over a wealth of subject matter. I’m not a laser (concentrated light) I’m a halogen light bulb (light spread over an entire room). Ergo, discontentment is something that I have to battle.
I get pulled in a lot of directions because the idea of being involved in an industry or subject matter is so alluring. The music biz, for instance. I love music. I love concerts. I love making music and everything that goes along with it. To BE in the music industry would be AMAZING and fascinating and so very cool. But I also love film. I watch films, I make films, I appreciate cinematography and nuance and directing styles and lighting approaches… to be in the movie business… WOW! What a dream! I also love psychology. The brain fascinates me and the way that families impact our lives, and the trends and patterns what we as humans are subject to… MAN! I would LOVE to be an adolescent and family or an addiction and abuse counselor. And on and on and on… I also really enjoyed being a waiter. Truth be told, if I knew I could make like 3g’s a month (plus benefits, of course…) waitering consistently, I’d do it for 40 years.
You see my problem here… I don’t think I need to forget about all these things and just do what I’m doing for the rest of my life. I think the paradigm of working the same job for 35 years and then retire at age 65 is done. My generation likes change and fluidity. The average person my age will have had 5 significant career changes in their lifetime. …just sayin’ is all…
So that brings me to today. I AM a youth minister. I get to share the Gospel with kids who are making daily decisions that will forever impact their lives, whether they know it or not. I get to hang out with the most tremendous teenagers… I call them “my kids” in everyday conversation. Every once in a while I get, “are you married?” or “how many kids do you have??” The reality is, though, I love these kids like they are family. I had no idea what kind of impact these silly, awkward, wide-eyed kiddos would have on me when I started 5 years ago. I get paid to have fun. Just tonight I dominated in laser tag, made a deal for 31 tickets (ended up being a bad deal, my case had 75), and lost in putt-putt with 34 jr. high kids who look up to me more that I can ever appreciate. And the bro’s… honestly, I wouldn’t still be doing what I am doing if it wasn’t for the wonderful relationship I have with a handful of now college kids whom we affectionately call “the bro’s”. They are absolutely phenomenal kids that impress and inspire and make me so proud in everything they do. If I was to enumerate my blessings, “the bro’s” would be top 10. for real. Not to mention the families that I’ve been welcomed into. I’m considered the 4th kid in a family that I love as if I’ve knew them since birth. So so so amazing!!!!!!!! When I started, a woman whom I affectionately called “mom” whilst in high school gave me a little laminated sign that was printed on a dot-matrix printer probably 25 years ago that says:
"A hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what
kind of house I lived in, how much money I had in the bank...but the world may
be a better place because I made a difference in the life of a child." -- Forest
Witchcraft
Wow. I get to make a difference… may I never EVER lose sight of how powerful a charge that really is.
I’ve started this sentence ten times, but I honestly cannot put into words how truly blessed I am to know these kids and families that I work with each and every day. I could go on for 20 more pages, but we’re all tired of reading at this point. SO, what do I want to do when I grow up? Not sure. But I know that what I’m doing now is the most important, fantastic, incredible, marvelous thing I could be possibly doing. And whether it shows or not, I am so very grateful to our loving God for giving me the privilege of sharing His love personified with His children each and every day, and I am humbled to think that I am even close to being worthy of such an awesome task.
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