disturbing realization

This is truly troubling.
This morning as I searched for a morning Powerbar, I gazed upon my fridge to see the beaming faces of my married friends who sent me Christmas cards last year. All so happy, all so married…
My thoughts on marriage notwithstanding, I do enjoy hearing from my former classmates and seeing their lovely families. That’s when the troubling fact hit me harder than the -11 degree wind waiting for me as I left for the morning. Last year I received 10, count ‘em: 10 cards from friends. This year, one.
That’s a 90% decline in Christmas love.

There, there, I tell myself, the economy has hit these young people hard, they simply cannot afford the cost of printing pictures and sending them across the nation to friends and family eagerly awaiting their arrival. Not only that, but several of those cards included a newly married couple, or a recently arrived bundle of joy. This year they are just in routine life, and thus they have nothing they feel is noteworthy to share. Yeah, that’s it! They’re broke and boring… poor nuptial-laden dimwits.

It was about then- when I had reached my happy place of denial- that the Powerbar kicked in, and with it the power of rational thought. What if they ALL sent out cards this year telling of all their wedded adventures and infant joy? What if they didn’t send one to me on purpose??? What if, because they haven’t heard from me in a while, or feel as if I’m uninterested, or because I’m single, they actually deleted me from their Christmas list? What if it WAS the economy and they could only afford to send a card to their nearest and dearest friends, and I wasn’t one of them? What if I’ve become a second or third-tiered friend??? Horrors!

If that is the case, it’s because of marriage, and only validates my semi-serious distain for said institution. We WERE friends- good friends most likely- until that hussy stole you away, and that big-eyed poop machine took up all your attention and energy. Why must I be punished because of your poor life choices? That’s what I want to know!

And so, the mozaic of friends (or former friends, as it seems) that is my fridge is perilously out of date, and I continue to be disconnected from those whom I loved so. Que Serat, I say. Such is my life: a series of outdated pretentious Christmas cards that cease to arrive. Bah humbug.