salsa and screenprinting... hmmm....

For some reason this little news story triggered a whole bunch of ideas... cool idea started by a Christian that impacting lives big time... sounds like a winner...

Three fiddy random.

I cannot sleep. Well, I could, but I awoke and cannot return to sleepy land. I am leaving in 90 minutes to help out at a food shelf, so I was kind of hoping my circadian rhythm would cooperate... Guess not.
I have an angst about me currently which I can't really explain... Odd. I think, however I might have figured out a more exact paper topic: Historical Criticism and its Impact on Lutheran Education. Something like that... Feels good to have a more narrow focus. Now I must read fast and furiously. I woke up angry about these people stealing my shoes. I have big feet and my basketball shoes were perfect. I wish I knew where they threw everything away... The only stuff I really want is undoubtedly in a dump somewhere. Grrrr.
Also, the cold can stop now. Seriously. These dog days of winter are creeping into my psyche and I'm none too pleased. Come on spring, hurry up! :)
Also I think I'd like to go to Split Rock. Perhaps my birthday weekend? Seems lame, but we'll see...
All Along the Watchtower is running through my head right now... The DMB version, not Dylan... I know you were wondering.
Oh! Garrison Kiellor is speaking at CSP in a couple of weeks. I'm so stoked! I need to move some schedule stuff around, but man that's cool!
Sigh. Still not tired. Twill be a long morning... All for a good cause, right? Right. Onward!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

BUMMER!

So a couple of months ago I took all the pictures from my high school and college days over to my buddy's house so I could scan a bunch in and post on Facebook.  I did that, which is great.  But I left them in the back of my car and didn't think about them... until this afternoon... you guessed it... they've been taken too.  All my Wyoming and China photos are gone.  As are pics from my high school mission trips, senior year, and all the ballparks I've visited...
bummer.

Lobby

I'm early. Waiting.
Sitting. Hating.
Patience fading.
So irritating.

Mags are old.
Smells like mold.
Feet are cold.
Like teeth bring pulled.

Phone goes ring.
Babies "sing".
Nurses bring...
Not my turn.

Chair is stiff.
Snot-nosed sniff.
Moms looked miffed.
Did they get in a tiff?

Hark!
My ears tingle!
That's MY name! (it has a jingle)
Oh my! Could it be?
Now is the time for him to see me?
Such joy! Such jubilation!
My wait is over, I was very patien(t)...

I follow the nurse, but what do I see?
Another stiff chair waiting for me...
Oh how I detest these waiting lob-bees.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

peter @ the park

I was told my readers miss me, so here I am appeasing the "masses" :)
Really, I've not blogged much lately for a couple of reasons.
1- I really am borderline overwhelmed with getting back into the swing of ministry.  I have a sort of renewed passion for pouring into the lives of kids, but there are so many other things that I need to get done.  Least of which is a pretty major paper... so, lots to do!

2- I'm just really really happy right now.  The fact of the matter is that blogs like this are all about a stream of consciousness.  For whatever reason, you enjoy reading about what's going on in my life.  The thing is though, at least for me, the things that are interesting to read are the things that come from a dark place.  Its easy to articulate sadness and easy to wax down in the dumps.  Not only that, but I kind of enjoy reading such things.  I certainly enjoy songs that are kind of depressing- maybe its because I'm a Lutheran and depressing songs are in a minor key.  Lutherans love the minor key.  Whatever the reason its it much easier to bla(h)g about sadness than it is joy.  Its almost like if I write about being joyful its like I'm bragging, you know?  If I talk about allll the good things and awesome people in my life you, the reader, will roll your eyes and ask, "who cares?"  But if I write about being bummed out, you the reader thinks, "aww, poor fella" or "well at least I'm better off than him" or you can identify with that sadness and feel a sort of attachment.  Its a tad masochistic, really...  Plus happiness usually means one is out and about and with people and friends, so he doesn't have time to wallow and bla(g)h (I know I'm being inconsistent with my use of the word bla(h)g; I'm just getting sick of writing it like that...).  In that regard, I must admit, my calendar has been chocked full since Christmas.  Fun, fun times.  Browling, brotime, 5am session, fight night, the ritual, making stars explode, vespers, lots of movies, cards, secrets, following guts, waffles, wings, and so much more.  (I'm grinning very widely right now)
So, If you've not heard from me for a while, know its because I'm happy and blessed, and glad.  Or I'm pinned underneath my car.

3- God is good.  He's given me a couple of sets of listening ears recently that I am so grateful for.  I really started this bla(h)g because I needed to have an outlet.  I actually hoped that one, maybe 2 people would ever see it.  It is kind of embarrassing that there are more folks who take time out of their day to peruse...  But lately I've been able to share and process with real, live people.  Its a very novel concept, I know.... Its also one of those blessings that leaves me to say to God: "thank you, thank you thank you!!!! good things.

4-
Ha I just got bored trying to think of other reasons why I've not written lately.  I just don't have much to say, quite honestly.  I could complain about my lame car, but that's no fun.  SO, know I'm happy, blessed, and movin' and shakin' :)
Also, I got new glasses that I am very stoked to see!!! Friday!  Come quickly!!!

buh. bye.
peace and blessings.
peace. and. blessings.

Hmmm... the wise Max Lucado tweeted this today:
"Slay the desire to be noticed. Stir the desire to serve God. Don't make a theater production out of your faith."

Wise words, Max... I'm changing my resolutions to this.  

period.

Man... this really rocked my world...  How?  Why?  What now?
i'm filled with disillusionment.
CLICK HERE
read at your own risk

turn it up to 11.

Well, first of all, I have 15 posts left in this little dog and pony show... the countdown begins... :)
Today was a good day.  Fun to bum around with a bro and keep the streak alive... it ends today??
But I took a long nap... thus I'm up and at 'em.  So I'll use this time to keep my promise.
Resolutions.
You, of course, know my resolution from last year... you're reading it... and, while it didn't really go as planned, I think it was still pretty successful, and allowed for some really valuable introspection.  When I'm on the NYT Bestseller list, you'll all be able to say you knew me "back then"... :)
OH, before I go any further.  This week i procured both an electric food dehydrator AND a juicer... 2011, you're looking mighty delicious!
This is going to be a big year. Not only am I turning 30, but you know, I'm finishing up that whole college thing, making some pretty big decisions about my future, and spending some time navigating through my past in order to make the next 30 plus years pretty great.  Its gonna be a pretty wild ride... but don't worry, I'll wear my seat belt.
So resolutions-
hmmm
I don't know, resolutions are kinda lame, I guess, so maybe I'll phrase it like this- If I read these statements on Jan 14, 2012 and they aren't at least attempted, I'll be kinda bummed.  How about that?
Having said that, In the year of our Lord, Two Thousand and Eleven, I hope to:
1- Intentionally work on relationships- I've spent the last couple of years kind of to myself.  This isn't me, nor is it good for me.  So, I need to suck up some of my own insecurities and veiled laziness and get out and amongst people on a regular basis.  My new roommate will certainly help in this.  We, unlike my current roommate, have much in common and will have fun.  I still miss Johnny, tho.  He was good people.
2- down size.  Sell!  don't replace what is stolen :(!  Don't buy!  less! less! less!!!  I think I'm ready.
3- consciously fill my own cup.  Get in the Word, man!!!  Its a shame I have to remind myself to do that...
4- be aware of my presence and influence.  never assume, take for granted, or dominate...
5- Be the encourager you want around you.  Build up, be positive, and reek of joy.  How can that not be a recipe for good things??
6- be.
7- JUICE like a Tropicana employee and DEHYDRATE like I own Jack Links.  Seriously, I'm giddy.
8- continue to read and learn.
9- listen twice as well as I talk... this could be tough. 

There are others, I'm sure... but this is getting kinda lame.
But, good times in '11!  Its gonna be a good one!

oh yeah!

Hmm well, I seemed to have forgotten about this post because I have only fulfilled one of the promised "coming soon" posts...
So I'll work toward keeping said promise now.
On my flight home from Arizona this past New Years Eve we hit some mighty turbulence.  I'm really not a fan of flying, to be honest, so when things get bumpy, I'm not a very happy camper.  But I am a fairly seasoned flier, so, while it causes alarm, turbulence typically doesn't phase me too much anymore.  Well, for the last 20 minutes of my flight back into MSP, I was phased.  It felt like a roller coaster ride.  Don't get me wrong, I love... L-O-V-E roller coasters, but not at 10.000 feet.  This not fun.  up and down and then violently from side to side... no good.  I was praying. hard.  Like for real- not just "land us safe" but like "God- here are my sins, and here is my faith in your son.  Look to Him and forgive me cuz I'm gonna meet you soon"  type prayers.  Not since I was convinced a bear was trying to eat me in Yellowstone has death felt so close.
When we finally landed I was engulfed in sweat and looking for the barf bag.  Thankfully my Sun Country Airlines microwaved hamburger stayed in my belly, but it was touch and go there for a minute.
not fun.

OK there you go... the time I almost died but survived.  Tomorrow maaaaaaaybe resolutions... we'll see. 

not cool, man!

well...
there's not a lot to say other than tonight was a big bummer.  My car was broken into and everything... EVERY THING was taken.  Lots of gifts, lots of random junk, a couple of notebooks that really were special to me... such a bummer, and so flipping pointless.  Why do people do that?  The thing that bugs me is they have a key to my car and they have my address and it all just makes me feel icky.  so many "why's?" lay in that shattered glass.  My insurance will cover none of it- only the new window (which is nice, seeing as it's REALLY cold outside), but the $2000 or so of stuff that was taken is on me to replace. 
I think the biggest bummer is that it feels like I just wasted all that money.  I had to list the stuff that was taken for the cop and it just made me cringe when I had to list a value of the items... Why did i spend that much on those things??? Like, if chose to sell that stuff because I didn't use it, that's fine, it's on me- but ipods and chargers and GPS and shoes and clothes... it's all stuff that I used and used often.  blagh.  I don't want to think about it anymore, i makes me nauseous.

BUT, the really neat thing is I went to Vespers tonight- a worship service at a local Christian college- and God smiled on me.  The first 5 or 6 songs were some of my favorites... so good.  And during the first song- Jesus Paid it All, I heard  a whisper that said simply, "its all just stuff, man".  And I burst into tears. Its all just stuff... it means nothing.  Jesus blood and righteousness- that's what means something... the junk- some of if I couldn't even remember if it was in my car or not- that's nothin... Really, it makes me sad how sad it makes me.  I mean I cried a little... cuz my stuff was taken... why would that make me cry, Its just STUFF!!!! Stuff, that, with a couple of exceptions, I could go out and buy 125 of tomorrow.  Stuff. I cried because I lost stuff.  I've become emotionally attached to plastic and silicon.  It's just stuff, man.
I've been talking ALOT about getting rid of like 95% of my stuff and just living on the things I use... eliminate the clutter that fills up my life, you know.  Well, I think God just helped me get a head start.  I'll absolutely buy anther iPod (my 4th, now...) and probably another heart rate monitor and another pair of running shoes, but the rest can go and enjoy their new home.  My dad's car was broken into back in the day and all his Christian tapes were stolen.  I remember him writing an article about how he hopes the people who stole them listen to them and come to faith.  I have the same hope.  My iPod was in the midst of one of my all-time favorite albums "Church Music" by David Crowder.  It was mid- "Oh Happiness" which I've mentioned before on this here bla(h)g.  I hope they listen to it and it touches their heart.  Crazier things have happened, to be sure. I hope they listen... that would be cool.

I also hope I don't soon forget the feeling I have right now.  After I got off the phone w/ my insurance company and realized that there was no bail out, no check in the mail... it was a feeling of... I don't know how to describe it... its like I realized I was on my own- like this was my deal now.  And I had no choice but to go to God- I mean, what else is there?  It's hard to explain, but there's freedom when you don't have stuff.  Fewer distractions, fewer things in the way... I'm at peace with my loss, haha, and I'm glad to be in God's grip.  So enjoy my sunglasses and awesome Twins fleece jacket and Christmas gifts from my brother. I hope you appreciate my taste in music, and you like the dried apricots that I just bought.  I feel sad for you that you need to take my stuff in order for you to feel good.  I'll keep you in my prayers and I hope you'll leave my car alone in the future.  Also, if you could return those notebooks, my spare key, and my hat that I FINALLY got bent perfectly, I'd really appreciate it.  OH and my mirror too... that's just rude. :)

mmhmmm

Well, seeing as he's kind of a champion of the field that I may or may not be a part of some day, I decided to give good ole Clive Staples Lewis another go.  I still am not all goo-goo over him, but this passage caught my heart, as it were. 

Of all arguments against love none makes so strong an appeal to my nature as “Careful! This might lead you to suffering.” To my nature, my temperament, yes. Not to my conscience. When I respond to that appeal I seem to myself to be a thousand miles away from Christ. If I am sure of anything I am sure that His teaching was never meant to confirm my congenital preference for safe investments and limited liabilities.…
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

-From The Four Loves, as found in The Inspirational Writings of C.S. Lewis

know what I mean, Verne?

A man whom I greatly respected was called to his eternal home today.  Verne was a pastor and Hebrew scholar and just an all around really great guy to know.  He always made me feel like I was important.  He was a sort-of interim pastor at our church for over a year and he'd often come in to my office and play guitar for me as we talked theology.  I just served communion with him a couple of weeks ago and he communed me and almost made me cry with the blessing he gave over me.  I actually was going to blog about it, but I got lazy.  He was a tremendous orator- he perfected the 4 syllable- "Je-ee-sus-sa".
After church I told him about my plans to be an apologist and he was bursting with enthusiasm.  "We need minds like yours, Korman!  God's got a plan for you!" he said.  He also shed a tear when he talked about his wife's miraculous recovery from cancer and the turn around his son is going through- coming back to church.  His wife is now in intensive care...
We made plans for him to tutor me in Hebrew.  In fact I was going to call him tomorrow to arrange a meeting.  I wonder what the language of Heaven is... Verne speaking Hebrew with Daniel and Isaiah is a pretty cool thought...
Pretty sad day though, for us who knew and so dearly appreciated him.  He was the king of schmoozers, I aspire to his greatness.  He also always smelled very good.  I think it was his hand lotion... good stuff.  I could smell him coming before he entered a room- in a good way.
It is always a cool thing when a pastor dies, however.  The culmination of our faith's journey ends with the mortal passing in to eternity.  Verne is with He whom he professed and loved, and that is pretty cool.  He was a tremendous blessing to me, and he will be missed.

tops in 2010

I know these are the un-interesting types of bla(h)g posts, but writing this little post makes all the hundreds of dollars I spent on movies and music this year all worth it... so quit your whinning. :)

Top Albums
My top 6 albums of 2010-

1- Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons.  There is no weak song on this album.  Its like you need to rest after listening to it, its so intense for so long.  An absolute amazing debut album, I can't wait for the next.  I would be really surprised if this isn't one of the best albums of the decade.  Its that good.
Favorite lyric:
Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.

2- Counting Stars by Andrew Peterson. I talked about this album when it came out, and I have only grown to love it more and more. There is little I can say about AP that isn't just doting praise. He is a true renaissance man who has such a deep and unique perspective on our God, but is able to translate it into what seems to be a simple lyric... Just amazing. Its not often a singer/songwriter can be considered a blessing, but that is exactly what I consider Andrew Peterson.
Favorite Lyric:
Well I remember how they scorned the Son of Mary
He was gentle as a lamb, gentle as a lamb
He was beaten, He was crucified and buried
And in the night my hope was gone

But the rulers of this earth could not control Him
No they did not take His life, He laid it down
And all the chains of death could never hope to hold Him
So in the night my hope lives on

3- B.o.B- The Adventures of Bobby Ray. How one can go from Andrew Peterson to B.o.B is really hard to explain, but man this is a solid album. It's simple pop music. There's nothing complicated or all that special about it, but yet it struck a chord with me this year. It is a complete album- from start to finish there isn't really a weak song. I like that there's no profanities and as a whole, the subject matter is above the grossness that has become standard in pop music today. Plus there's some really cool collabs with Rivers Coumo from Weezer, Lupe Fiasco (a long time favorite of mine), Rhianna and Eminem. Its a fun, light album that really is fantastic!
Favorite Lyric:
Cause I was in the cold
Tryin to keep my toes unfroze
Now I’m in your house
Now I’m in your stove
Now I’m everywhere that your ipod goes
Everything I seen was a dream
Just a moment ago

4- Lecrae- Rehab. Lecrae is a Christian rapper. Seeing that one of two things use to come to mind. 1- he's gotta be really lame and his rhymes gotta be weak, or 2- its just preaching to a beat. Lecrae changed my mind about the whole Christian rap genre. Not only did he sell out EVERY stop on his last tour, but he is top 10 in total sales for ALL of rap this year- secular or otherwise, he's top 10. That's amazing! He is really good, and this album is truly a masterpiece. I really thing it is going to open big doors for the Christian rap world to be in the secular setting, and that is really special.
Favorite Lyric:
But God sees through my foolish pride,
And I'm weak life Adam another victim of Lucifer's foolish lies
But then in steps Jesus,
All men were created to lead but we need somebody to lead us
More than a teacher,
But somebody who buy us back from the darkness,
Say He redeemed us,

5- Zac Brown Band- You Give What You Get. It really is nothing special, but it's fun and sing-alongable. It has a Jimmy Buffett feel, and I love that. Just a fun listen.
Favorite Lyric:
Wrote a note, said "Be back in a minute"
Bought a boat and I sailed off in it
Don't think anybodies gonna miss me anyway
Mind on a permanent vacation
The ocean is my only medication
Wishin' my condition aint ever gonna go away

Now I'm knee deep in the water somewhere
Got the blue sky breeze blowin' wind thru my hair
Only worry in the world
is the tide gonna reach my chair

6- Arcade Fire- The Suburbs. I don't know... I hated it then I loved it, and now I'm really appreciating it. Any album that causes this much internal strife really has to be on my top list... Its just... its so complicated, this album... Gah, I need to go listen to it again.
Favorite Lyric: None. I hate them all... no wait, I love them all... AHHH!


Favorite Movies- (I'll keep this short, lest i NEVER post!)
1- King's Speech.  Truly moving.
2- Inception.  So many twists and turns...
3- Toy Story 3.  A cartoon made me cry.
4- True Grit.  Well, just the dialogue... the movie as a whole was kind of disappointing, but the dialogue is AMAZING.
5- Book of Eli.  Thoroughly entertaining and engrossing
6- Tron. Was it Oscar-worthy? no.  Was it fun?  yes.


Favorite Singles-
1- Nelly- Just a Dream.
2- Airplanes- B.o.B
3- Love the Way You Lie- Eminem/Rihana
4- Last Frontier- Andrew Peterson
5- Forget You- Cee Lo
6- Go To Sleep- Arcade Fire
7- I Will Find A Way- Andy Gullahorn and Jill Phillips
8- Just the Way You Are- Brun Mars
9- Colder Weather- Zac Brown Band
10- Ooh Ahh by Grits.  (This came out in 2002, but i just discovered it... :) )



WHEW  That took way too long.
go back to doing something meaningful with your day. :)

remember this one.

OK I know I've had a couple other posts like this, and I rarely follow through, but I resolve to do so this time! :)
I don't want to forget these ideas, but I'm le tired and I need to sleep SO coming in the next 7 days:
my top 2010 albums/singles
the story of how I almost died, and live to tell about it
my new year's resolution
and, maybe if you're lucky, for good measure, my year in review... we'll see about that one.

... I think that's all I can think of...
SO happy New Year, enjoy your 1-1-11, and check back on Sunday for something with some substantial substance. 
hip, hip!

nah, you're good...

Eph 4:32- Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

I don’t pretend to be the author of this idea, but it is one that I am proud to pay forward.  For the past several months I have been very intentional in saying “you’re forgiven” when someone apologizes to me.  Rather than blow it off or say, “nah you’re good” or “it’s OK”, I let them know that I forgive them.  I think this serves two purposes.  1- it validates the person’s apology.  If someone is indeed sorry for whatever they did to warrant an apology, it isn’t my place to diminish that fact by shrugging off their penitence.  Obviously, there are occasions in which someone doesn’t need to apologize- like when their flight is delayed so the driver has to wait around a little longer… no need to apologize/receive forgiveness for that because unless you were the pilot, you had no bearing on the flight schedule.  But if someone has indeed done something that they are sorry about, far be it from me to tell them their sorrow is unneeded.

2- it allows me to forgive as Jesus forgave me.  That’s a really cool thing.   By forgiving a friend, they feel a teeny tiny little piece of Jesus’ forgiveness that He bestowed upon each and every one of us on the cross.  Not only that, but by forgiving, I am living the life of one who is indeed forgiven, for only a forgiven man can forgive.  That little reassurance of forgiveness of our wrongdoings is really refreshing in our personal lives and fundamental to our faith lives.  May I always share Jesus as I freely forgive as He forgave me!

525,600

well i set out to bla(g)h tonight, but instead i went through this here piece of the Internets from January to today with a cherished friend. Its been a good year- one with lots of changes, realizations, and peaks and valleys...
but through it all love remains...


Jesus' blood never failed me yet
never failed me yet
Jesus' blood never failed me yet
this one thing i know
that He loves me so

is the Jars of Clay song. It's an interesting story, actually-
its a song by a homeless that a man named Gavin Bryars turned into a musical composition - he said this about it:

In 1971, when I lived in London, I was working with a friend, Alan Power, on a film about people living rough in the area around Elephant and Castle and Waterloo Station. In the course of being filmed, some people broke into drunken song - sometimes bits of opera, sometimes sentimental ballads - and one, who in fact did not drink, sang a religious song "Jesus' Blood Never Failed Me Yet". This was not ultimately used in the film and I was given all the unused sections of tape, including this one.

When I played it at home, I found that his singing was in tune with my piano, and I improvised a simple accompaniment. I noticed, too, that the first section of the song - 13 bars in length - formed an effective loop which repeated in a slightly unpredictable way. I took the tape loop to Leicester, where I was working in the Fine Art Department, and copied the loop onto a continuous reel of tape, thinking about perhaps adding an orchestrated accompaniment to this. The door of the recording room opened on to one of the large painting studios and I left the tape copying, with the door open, while I went to have a cup of coffee. When I came back I found the normally lively room unnaturally subdued. People were moving about much more slowly than usual and a few were sitting alone, quietly weeping.

I was puzzled until I realised that the tape was still playing and that they had been overcome by the old man's singing. This convinced me of the emotional power of the music and of the possibilities offered by adding a simple, though gradually evolving, orchestral accompaniment that respected the tramp's nobility and simple faith. Although he died before he could hear what I had done with his singing, the piece remains as an eloquent, but understated testimony to his spirit and optimism."

Anyway... Jesus' love has never failed me, and never will.   The same love that held Him to a cross and took away my sins, that same love picks me up when I fall... which is oft, and dusts me off and carries me on my way... He never fails, because He can't.  He's God, and by that nature God can't lie or change or stop loving.  He is indeed Love, and He has bestowed it upon me insomuch as my guilt, and pain, and fears, and burdens are lifted off my weak and feeble shoulders and put squarely upon the Infinite where they need never worry me again.  This... this is.. so... wow.
while the world around me changes, His Love is changeless, and for that I say, for what it's worth, Thank you.

What I learned today:  In N Out Burgers are so worth the hype
What I learned about God today: Patience and love...
also, I'm grateful for "processing times", and glad to be real and (almost) equal... :)

picture-less frame

This is a frame that I've had sitting in my room for at least two years. It really is a lovely piece. I got it for like 65% off from Target and it totally fits the motif of my meager dwelling. But the thing is, I can't find a picture to put in it. Its so nice, I don't want to put a lame-o pic inside. So, as it stands, its a picture-less frame. It just sits there collecting dust, not framing anything of worth, not hung on a wall, not doing anything but taunting me every time I look at it. It could be something quite extraordinary, it could be the object of every one of my visitor's eye and admiration... but with no picture, its a $8 wooden rectangle.
Sometimes I feel like that frame. It has been a really weird month for me self-esteem wise. I've had 2 professors (one that I respect, and one I think very little of) tell me that I've wasted my life thus far and if I was serious about anything, I'd be great, but as it stands I'm... well... they didn't really say. I've also had relationships into which I have much invested broken down to little more than what seems to be a whole lot of incongruity... and meh... just not a fun time!
Contrast that with a professor that I hold in the highest regard tell me that he's incredibly excited and proud of what I've done and wants to help me succeed in the future any way he can. But its in a totally new direction than what I was thinking... All these things have really left me reeling, to understate an emotion.
I'll not venture too far into the self-diagnosis physiological side of this whole ordeal, but the fact of the matter is my lack of a college degree is something that has been weighing me down for the better part of a decade. I can scarcely even wax dreamily about future aspirations without one of my dearly loved family members reminding me that I can't do anything w/o a degree. We're a band of encouragers, let me tell you... So the fact that in a mere 4 1/2 months that tremendous weight will be lifted off my shoulders is... well, it's a trip, man. This unresolved milestone will soon be resolved, so grow up, I must.
So now its like I need to be the amazing picture in the frame. I need to go and "be somebody". It is certainly exciting, but also terrifying, as you can imagine. I have an awesome job, but there is little doubt that that season is quickly coming to an end. So what's next? What's the grand picture in the beautifully simple frame going to be? I'm not sure yet. As much as I want to plan for the future, I need to also rein myself in and realize I still have to FINISH school- I have a capstone paper to write this next semester- and I am still very much gainfully employed and owe them my undivided time and attention (especially since they have been so amazing during this past year of commutes and distance... such a blessing!)
My fear is, though, that the longer the frame sits and waits for its picture the more prone it is to wear and tear or going out of style... that once the picture is taken, the frame will no longer be the centerpiece it could be today. That is, I don't want life to pass me by. It is a tedious balance one must strike...

flashbang

If you were to go to an AA meeting, you would hear the phrase, "let go and let God" quite often. I realize that is what I need to do; let God do the driving and stop being such an annoying backseat driver. The fact that I am where I am is totally part of God's amazing plan and 6 years ago I couldn't even fathom anything close to what had transpired. But man that is easy to write, yet so hard to put into practice. I know full well the comfort of Jeremiah 29:11-13, I know the promise of Matthew 11:28, and the encouragement of Psalm 50:15... I know I know I know but its really difficult to live it sometimes, you know? I picture it in my head like this- this is the nerdiest thing I think I've ever done, but in some of the video games I play there are these things called Flashbangs, and when they go off you hear this high pitched noise and everything is disoriented... this is a poor example, but:
I feel like that. Just noise and disorientation...
Not fun.
I realize this is a bummer of a post after a long hiatus, but it really isn't- I mean the future is exciting! If it goes like I really hope it does, I'll be living in California in like 18 months... that's awesome! Maybe France this summer? Not too shabby. I guess my prayer right now is that I would listen past the noise and I would be consciously aware of God's will for me and my life and I would have the courage, wisdom, and support to be an ambassador of that will... Until then, I will work on mending stretched relationships, finish strong in my undergraduate work, and actively pursue the perfect picture for my frame-literally and metaphorically...

oh boy oh boy that finish line looks awfully perdy!

"The question is not how to survive, but how to thrive with passion, compassion, humor and style."
- Maya Angelou

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
- Galileo

"A new movement can only breath the air available at its birth."
- William Doherty

"When you have come to the edge of all the light you know,
And are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly."
- Teller