When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Today's verse of the day
Isaiah 43:2-
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
choo choo
let the record state that these sleepless nights are getting very annoying.
Today... in a mere 5 hours... I am going to talk about my train for the kiddie message at church. It is one of my prized possessions. It was my dad's and I still remember when it was brought to our house when I was a kid. My grandpa was an amazing carpenter and he built this awesome platform with a depot for the train set. I think my dad played on that as well. That platform lives no more, but I still have the depot- and, of course the train. Its a simple oval track and a five or six piece electric train from the 50's, I would think. It was put into our basement when I was 8 or 9 and I spent hours and hours playing with it. I had dozens of little matchbox cars that I put on the platform- they all had names, of course- and they lived their lives in my imagination. It was a boy's way of playing with dolls, really- because I weaved some tangled webs. I remember the Porsche and the Mustang were married, but then there was an accident and... well... the rest, as they say, is history... Anyway, I loved that train and those hours of play time growing up.
So now the train sits in its box, unused for probably close to two decades now, but I keep it in hopes that, I suppose, I can give it to my kid someday... or I see it on Antiques Roadshow and sell it for a hefty price... whichever comes first...
Anyway, the point of the message will not be the walk down memory lane, rather it will illustrate Abram's faith. Genesis 12:1 says: "The LORD had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.'" and 3 verses later we read, "So Abram left, as the LORD had told him". A car on a train doesn't question the engine- it merely goes where it is told, so too Abram went were God told him. Abram was richly blessed for following God- for trusting that He knows best. When I give object lessons, I typically try to have them connect on more than just one level- the train idea doesn't really do that- its just a matter of going where the engine leads- which is great- because as Psalm 23 says that is beside quiet waters. More importantly, we are lead to the cross of our Savior where we find not only peace and rest, but forgiveness of sins... that makes being a car- even a luggage car- so worth it! Follow where the engine leads...
This is something I talk about all the time- I tell students over and over again to find rest and solace in the loving nail-marked hands of our Savior- but now I'm in this season of stomach knots and unrest and weariness and I have to remind myself of the same thing... Actually, I take back that term- this isn't a season, because seasons are repetitive. You know what you're getting with a season- this place that I'm in right now isn't something I've been through before... its a valley. pretty deep and long, too... but I know that I am to follow and I know the Engine is powerful, mighty, and knows where it ends- but its hard not to try to peek over the top of the Engine to get a look at what's ahead for myself, you know? I need to get back to the place where I belong- a car, not the engine. Not to say that I'm anywhere nearly cool enough to be considered a caboose, but I like writing the word "caboose", so...
can you imagine how silly it would look to have a huge train- filled with coal cars and passenger cars and even freight (it is a very ambitious train company) -car after car after car- all lined up- with a caboose at the helm?!?! It would look ridiculous, and it would be ridiculous because it couldn't go anywhere. It would be stuck. The caboose has no power, no engine, no throttle, no fuel- nothing. With it in the lead, the train will go no where. The caboose's job is to follow the engine, not lead the train. Well, right now it seems as if I'm trying to move this train, but I am a mere caboose... oh the folly of a caboose who wants to be an engine... it would be silly if it wasn't so sad. BUT- ha, I almost lost my train of thought there- the advice I most often give is "trust and rest" Trust that God is bigger than me and His plan is indeed perfect, unique, and sure... and knowing that we get to rest in His loving arms. I need to remind myself of that now... its easier giving it than living it, let me tell you... I need to get back to the mindset of letting God be God and me being His servant- letting the engine lead and being the car that follows... I just hope this valley ends soon.
A mashup of like 4 different songs just flew through my head "I will go through this valley if you want me to" and "I would beg, plead, and I would borrow, just to have you lead me and I will follow"... but this pretty much sums it up right now...
Today... in a mere 5 hours... I am going to talk about my train for the kiddie message at church. It is one of my prized possessions. It was my dad's and I still remember when it was brought to our house when I was a kid. My grandpa was an amazing carpenter and he built this awesome platform with a depot for the train set. I think my dad played on that as well. That platform lives no more, but I still have the depot- and, of course the train. Its a simple oval track and a five or six piece electric train from the 50's, I would think. It was put into our basement when I was 8 or 9 and I spent hours and hours playing with it. I had dozens of little matchbox cars that I put on the platform- they all had names, of course- and they lived their lives in my imagination. It was a boy's way of playing with dolls, really- because I weaved some tangled webs. I remember the Porsche and the Mustang were married, but then there was an accident and... well... the rest, as they say, is history... Anyway, I loved that train and those hours of play time growing up.
So now the train sits in its box, unused for probably close to two decades now, but I keep it in hopes that, I suppose, I can give it to my kid someday... or I see it on Antiques Roadshow and sell it for a hefty price... whichever comes first...
Anyway, the point of the message will not be the walk down memory lane, rather it will illustrate Abram's faith. Genesis 12:1 says: "The LORD had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.'" and 3 verses later we read, "So Abram left, as the LORD had told him". A car on a train doesn't question the engine- it merely goes where it is told, so too Abram went were God told him. Abram was richly blessed for following God- for trusting that He knows best. When I give object lessons, I typically try to have them connect on more than just one level- the train idea doesn't really do that- its just a matter of going where the engine leads- which is great- because as Psalm 23 says that is beside quiet waters. More importantly, we are lead to the cross of our Savior where we find not only peace and rest, but forgiveness of sins... that makes being a car- even a luggage car- so worth it! Follow where the engine leads...
This is something I talk about all the time- I tell students over and over again to find rest and solace in the loving nail-marked hands of our Savior- but now I'm in this season of stomach knots and unrest and weariness and I have to remind myself of the same thing... Actually, I take back that term- this isn't a season, because seasons are repetitive. You know what you're getting with a season- this place that I'm in right now isn't something I've been through before... its a valley. pretty deep and long, too... but I know that I am to follow and I know the Engine is powerful, mighty, and knows where it ends- but its hard not to try to peek over the top of the Engine to get a look at what's ahead for myself, you know? I need to get back to the place where I belong- a car, not the engine. Not to say that I'm anywhere nearly cool enough to be considered a caboose, but I like writing the word "caboose", so...
can you imagine how silly it would look to have a huge train- filled with coal cars and passenger cars and even freight (it is a very ambitious train company) -car after car after car- all lined up- with a caboose at the helm?!?! It would look ridiculous, and it would be ridiculous because it couldn't go anywhere. It would be stuck. The caboose has no power, no engine, no throttle, no fuel- nothing. With it in the lead, the train will go no where. The caboose's job is to follow the engine, not lead the train. Well, right now it seems as if I'm trying to move this train, but I am a mere caboose... oh the folly of a caboose who wants to be an engine... it would be silly if it wasn't so sad. BUT- ha, I almost lost my train of thought there- the advice I most often give is "trust and rest" Trust that God is bigger than me and His plan is indeed perfect, unique, and sure... and knowing that we get to rest in His loving arms. I need to remind myself of that now... its easier giving it than living it, let me tell you... I need to get back to the mindset of letting God be God and me being His servant- letting the engine lead and being the car that follows... I just hope this valley ends soon.
A mashup of like 4 different songs just flew through my head "I will go through this valley if you want me to" and "I would beg, plead, and I would borrow, just to have you lead me and I will follow"... but this pretty much sums it up right now...
Saturday, March 5, 2011
on being green.
I've been thinking a lot about this whole "growing up" thing lately. When I say a lot, I mean if I'm awake for 18 hours in a day, I'll spend 14 pondering some aspect of maturing... that's probably not healthy...
regardless, it is on my mind and has been for the past several months. It makes sense with the shock and awe of being 30 and not at all where I thought I would be...
We've covered that ad nausem...
BUT I've finally come to a couple of conclusions! Progess!
I have really truly lived a charmed life. There are few things that I can think of that I wanted and didn't get as a teenager and even as someone in his 20's. I was able to travel (often in style), dress well, eat well, live well and everything else well without really trying. I went after the things that were either fun or easy and the majority of things were just flat out given to me. I don't say that to brag or anything of that nature, it is just an honest assessment. I have been richly blessed and have lived a charmed life.
Things came easily to me- jobs, relationships, the ladies, I would have three or four options for a Friday night, I could schmooze and yuck it up with the best of 'em and if I get into a little bit of trouble there was little I couldn't talk my way out of. Good times!
And my deficiencies- chiefly my lack of a degree- were easily dismissed with phrases like, "I've been to busy living to be stuck in a classroom", or "I'm doing just fine without it. har, har"...
But then things changed- and only now am I fully realizing it. I was given truly the opportunity of a lifetime to be a youth minister and I embraced it with open arms. But, I was in no way prepared for the job. I had people skills and a love of Jesus- which is certainly enough to get by (obviously, i'm still doin' it!) but I wasn't at all prepared for the pitfalls of said profession. Things like being a self-starter, little to no interaction with my peer group, the "glass house" paradigm, emotional ties to students, carrying burdens of hurting kids, the lack of understanding of what goes on behind the scenes... and on (I had a couple more in mind, but they escape me currently...) Anyway, those things I wasn't ready for, and some of them I've still not taken on fully. sometimes ignoring a problem does indeed make it go away- at least for the majority of time...
SO, not to dwell on the negative, but they are a reality- and the longer I stick with this vocation, the more apparent they become to me and to those around me. Its like the shininess of the armor is tarnishing quickly- at least in my mind- how can people NOT see my failures? To me they're screaming in everything I attempt. But that's another post...
To my point: these things have been made crystal clear to me lately. I don't exactly know why, but I would have to believe the Big Guy is showing me my warts so that I might be able to stop them in their tracks. I need to get some liquid nitrogen and freeze them off, you know? The longer I wait, the bigger and nastier they grow (lovely thought, I know...). And while it is absolutely gut wrenching to feel as if your weaknesses are on display for all to see, its encouraging to know that HE is made strong in those very weaknesses...
But there's more to it-
As I said last post, there has been an overwhelming number of people who have encouraged me to live to my potential lately, and I have this desire- this deep-rooted-my-very-soul-aches-and-from-my-toes-to-the-end-of-my-longest-hair longing to have a second half... to end this lonesomeness that has deeply affected and downright tormented me over the past 6-10 months. (sidenote: if things work like Frank Peretti writes, then the demon of loneliness has been my very shadow lately and he's really annoying...) I've tried to force things that just don't fit and as a result relationships that were good and really, truly wonderful have turned wearying and I fear that I've become burdensome. I don't know if it is ironic, really, but the things that came easiest to me as a 20 year old are the hardest as a 30 year old... I don't really want to be around people lately, I can't make decisions to save my life, and despite my brave-face desire for the contrary, I know that certain situations- even in the future- are truly hopeless.
BUT... BUT here's the rub. I think I know what I have to do to remedy this. I'm trying to be receptive to the Lord's promptings- I know He answers prayer, and I am pleading for clarity with all of this. And I really think I know what He's calling me to do- But I just... I can't bring myself to start to do it. I have all sorts of excuses to make it okay in my mind to maintain the status quo. I laid in bed today for no less than two hours going over what I truly believe I am to do in order to be able to move forward in this regard, and I still have no truly lasting resolve to make the changes necessary... I have gotten so used to things being given to me that I don't think that I really know HOW to set and achieve these sort of lofty goals. I need to work for this stuff, and right now, my laziness is trumping my desire to be what I want to be... What in the world, man??? The answer is in front of you... or even if this ISN'T the solution- it certainly would be good regardless and is a definite first step, and yet... gah! I have been a rain-forest of inaction. Now the trees of apathy and vines of lethargy and the sloths of... slothiness... have choked out ambition! THIS... this is maddening to realize.
I am a master at rationalizing and excusifying things away... my dad has long told me (half jokingly, I think) that I need a wife to take care of my sloppiness with money and organization- and I've latched on to that idea- I have been looking for someone who can make up for my failures and cover them up for me, not expose them to me and help me correct them. I met with someone that I really respect and look up to on Tuesday and I was kidding around about something that I'm not really good at and I said something to the effect of, "gee, i need a wife to take care of that for me." But he shot that down right away- for the first time, he got me thinking of relationships totally differently. I kind of knocked my whole idea of a wife on its ear... The idea of my taking care of these things BEFORE I find that "other half" and perhaps the reason why God has not yet opened that door to me just yet is because I haven't really come to grips with me yet, let alone me with someone else... Anyway, this narcissistic rant is already too long... I'm sorry that you're still reading this... And I feel kind of odd knowing this is all going to be on the interwebs for all to see- but... I dunno... This stuff is important and I'm just really stringing things together myself- I'm excited to see what I learn about growing up... and life... and living... in the not too distant future. I'm realizing my bad habits are stifling my potential and I need to get my act together if I want to live my life... This is big, man... big.
I'm not a huge fan of using quotes from people who have a worldview that is diametrically opposed to mine, but it is true when Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." In this regard, I get to be the change I want to see in my life.. which is exciting, but crazy scary. I've never been a self-motivator. I've always heavily relied (sometimes inappropriately) on others for help, support, and escape. I haven't gotten into personal mantras or inspirational sayings, but I'm learning that I need those things if I ever want to turn my months-long inaction into something that could be really neat. But this is me. This can't be done by anyone else, or really with anyone else's help. This is on me to do for me (realizing, of course, that I am never alone in Jesus- what I mean is that from the human standpoint, this is a one-man show)... The wonderful thing is, however, that my motivation and inspiration is that I know that Jesus is living within me, He has called me to live my life as worship to Him, and it is my motivation that everything I think, say, and do reflects the love He showed us on the cross. Laying in bed thinking about how I don't want to do what I'm lead to do... that just doesn't cut it... so... yeah. that's whats on my mind at 3:18am today... good times.
In this vain, enjoy a little tune by my dawg... err frog... Kermit. He gets me, man.
regardless, it is on my mind and has been for the past several months. It makes sense with the shock and awe of being 30 and not at all where I thought I would be...
We've covered that ad nausem...
BUT I've finally come to a couple of conclusions! Progess!
I have really truly lived a charmed life. There are few things that I can think of that I wanted and didn't get as a teenager and even as someone in his 20's. I was able to travel (often in style), dress well, eat well, live well and everything else well without really trying. I went after the things that were either fun or easy and the majority of things were just flat out given to me. I don't say that to brag or anything of that nature, it is just an honest assessment. I have been richly blessed and have lived a charmed life.
Things came easily to me- jobs, relationships, the ladies, I would have three or four options for a Friday night, I could schmooze and yuck it up with the best of 'em and if I get into a little bit of trouble there was little I couldn't talk my way out of. Good times!
And my deficiencies- chiefly my lack of a degree- were easily dismissed with phrases like, "I've been to busy living to be stuck in a classroom", or "I'm doing just fine without it. har, har"...
But then things changed- and only now am I fully realizing it. I was given truly the opportunity of a lifetime to be a youth minister and I embraced it with open arms. But, I was in no way prepared for the job. I had people skills and a love of Jesus- which is certainly enough to get by (obviously, i'm still doin' it!) but I wasn't at all prepared for the pitfalls of said profession. Things like being a self-starter, little to no interaction with my peer group, the "glass house" paradigm, emotional ties to students, carrying burdens of hurting kids, the lack of understanding of what goes on behind the scenes... and on (I had a couple more in mind, but they escape me currently...) Anyway, those things I wasn't ready for, and some of them I've still not taken on fully. sometimes ignoring a problem does indeed make it go away- at least for the majority of time...
SO, not to dwell on the negative, but they are a reality- and the longer I stick with this vocation, the more apparent they become to me and to those around me. Its like the shininess of the armor is tarnishing quickly- at least in my mind- how can people NOT see my failures? To me they're screaming in everything I attempt. But that's another post...
To my point: these things have been made crystal clear to me lately. I don't exactly know why, but I would have to believe the Big Guy is showing me my warts so that I might be able to stop them in their tracks. I need to get some liquid nitrogen and freeze them off, you know? The longer I wait, the bigger and nastier they grow (lovely thought, I know...). And while it is absolutely gut wrenching to feel as if your weaknesses are on display for all to see, its encouraging to know that HE is made strong in those very weaknesses...
But there's more to it-
As I said last post, there has been an overwhelming number of people who have encouraged me to live to my potential lately, and I have this desire- this deep-rooted-my-very-soul-aches-and-from-my-toes-to-the-end-of-my-longest-hair longing to have a second half... to end this lonesomeness that has deeply affected and downright tormented me over the past 6-10 months. (sidenote: if things work like Frank Peretti writes, then the demon of loneliness has been my very shadow lately and he's really annoying...) I've tried to force things that just don't fit and as a result relationships that were good and really, truly wonderful have turned wearying and I fear that I've become burdensome. I don't know if it is ironic, really, but the things that came easiest to me as a 20 year old are the hardest as a 30 year old... I don't really want to be around people lately, I can't make decisions to save my life, and despite my brave-face desire for the contrary, I know that certain situations- even in the future- are truly hopeless.
BUT... BUT here's the rub. I think I know what I have to do to remedy this. I'm trying to be receptive to the Lord's promptings- I know He answers prayer, and I am pleading for clarity with all of this. And I really think I know what He's calling me to do- But I just... I can't bring myself to start to do it. I have all sorts of excuses to make it okay in my mind to maintain the status quo. I laid in bed today for no less than two hours going over what I truly believe I am to do in order to be able to move forward in this regard, and I still have no truly lasting resolve to make the changes necessary... I have gotten so used to things being given to me that I don't think that I really know HOW to set and achieve these sort of lofty goals. I need to work for this stuff, and right now, my laziness is trumping my desire to be what I want to be... What in the world, man??? The answer is in front of you... or even if this ISN'T the solution- it certainly would be good regardless and is a definite first step, and yet... gah! I have been a rain-forest of inaction. Now the trees of apathy and vines of lethargy and the sloths of... slothiness... have choked out ambition! THIS... this is maddening to realize.
I am a master at rationalizing and excusifying things away... my dad has long told me (half jokingly, I think) that I need a wife to take care of my sloppiness with money and organization- and I've latched on to that idea- I have been looking for someone who can make up for my failures and cover them up for me, not expose them to me and help me correct them. I met with someone that I really respect and look up to on Tuesday and I was kidding around about something that I'm not really good at and I said something to the effect of, "gee, i need a wife to take care of that for me." But he shot that down right away- for the first time, he got me thinking of relationships totally differently. I kind of knocked my whole idea of a wife on its ear... The idea of my taking care of these things BEFORE I find that "other half" and perhaps the reason why God has not yet opened that door to me just yet is because I haven't really come to grips with me yet, let alone me with someone else... Anyway, this narcissistic rant is already too long... I'm sorry that you're still reading this... And I feel kind of odd knowing this is all going to be on the interwebs for all to see- but... I dunno... This stuff is important and I'm just really stringing things together myself- I'm excited to see what I learn about growing up... and life... and living... in the not too distant future. I'm realizing my bad habits are stifling my potential and I need to get my act together if I want to live my life... This is big, man... big.
I'm not a huge fan of using quotes from people who have a worldview that is diametrically opposed to mine, but it is true when Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." In this regard, I get to be the change I want to see in my life.. which is exciting, but crazy scary. I've never been a self-motivator. I've always heavily relied (sometimes inappropriately) on others for help, support, and escape. I haven't gotten into personal mantras or inspirational sayings, but I'm learning that I need those things if I ever want to turn my months-long inaction into something that could be really neat. But this is me. This can't be done by anyone else, or really with anyone else's help. This is on me to do for me (realizing, of course, that I am never alone in Jesus- what I mean is that from the human standpoint, this is a one-man show)... The wonderful thing is, however, that my motivation and inspiration is that I know that Jesus is living within me, He has called me to live my life as worship to Him, and it is my motivation that everything I think, say, and do reflects the love He showed us on the cross. Laying in bed thinking about how I don't want to do what I'm lead to do... that just doesn't cut it... so... yeah. that's whats on my mind at 3:18am today... good times.
In this vain, enjoy a little tune by my dawg... err frog... Kermit. He gets me, man.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
kapow!
hmmm... there are very literally dozens of things I could (and probably should) bla(h)g about right now... I don't know if I really want to dive in though.
Perhaps some random thoughts:
- God has put some amazing people into my life- wise, caring, insightful, Jesus-loving people. I am humbled by them.
- The theme in my "deep" conversations with people (mentor-type people) over the past 6 months or so has been that I have amazing potential... I don't know if I should be offended if that implies that I'm not living up to it right now... And, the billion dollar question is what do I have to do to indeed not be a Ryan Leaf, but be a Payton Manning (10 bonus points if you understand that analogy). Am I too old to be a Payton Manning?
- Quote of the day: "Don't worry about money, God's got more than enough."
- when looking at my heart, i see lots of scars... which causes me to pause.. finding happiness in the good memories, but then sad when realizing why they were wounds in the first place... But then I am overcome with a sense of hopefulness in that scars mean healing, and if it's healed before it'll heal again... I just have to hope that chicks really do dig scars. : )
- I hope to never be hopeless, I can only run out of toothpaste so many times...
- Not being in Chicago this weekend is a tremendous blessing.
- I wish i see what others see in me... i don't mean that to be self-depreciating, i just honestly don't... i'm just me... and thats typically pretty boring... eww that sounds so gross...
- "Create self es-teem through es-teem able acts" is worth living by (I separated that word, because the phrase is trademarked and I don't want to get sued...)
- perhaps i've been uukin poo nub (another 10 points for that reference) wrongly.
- There is a big difference between a 75 and 100 watt light bulb! so annoying.
- I hate not truly knowing my topic... this is seriously torturous...
- swimming pools and movie stars... could i really?
- I wonder if its possible to pray for the wrong things... and if that's the case does God not give you what you need because you're not asking for it? Is part of God's working getting us to recognize what we need so that he will provide it? Can one be any more confused when he doesn't even know what to pray for?
- I'm reading a devotional by Max Lucado (thanks mom!) and he says "God promises to be a light to our path, not provide a crystal ball for our future"... something along those lines... I like that idea, but I don't know if that's necessarily true... and if it is should I not be praying for big picture stuff? Imagine that! More confusion! ha!
- What do I have to do to make it my turn? What if it never is? gah! more big picture!
- Do I REALLY want to write a thesis someday??
- why do i have so many clothes? Seriously... and I'm very much emotionally attached to most of them... seems silly... at the same time... totally awesome.
- Can I go a week without using a :)? That could lead to a lot of misunderstandings... OH perhaps I give up emoticons for Lent! That would be SO 21st century of me... we'll see...
- Gall stones are bright green????
-Why are you still reading this? haha... I usually go back and proof my posts, but i'm going to leave this one as-is... this is about as organic as you can get in a bla(h)g... if you're confused, just click the "x" up in the corner of your browser and go about your day... some things aren't worth figuring out :)
Perhaps some random thoughts:
- God has put some amazing people into my life- wise, caring, insightful, Jesus-loving people. I am humbled by them.
- The theme in my "deep" conversations with people (mentor-type people) over the past 6 months or so has been that I have amazing potential... I don't know if I should be offended if that implies that I'm not living up to it right now... And, the billion dollar question is what do I have to do to indeed not be a Ryan Leaf, but be a Payton Manning (10 bonus points if you understand that analogy). Am I too old to be a Payton Manning?
- Quote of the day: "Don't worry about money, God's got more than enough."
- when looking at my heart, i see lots of scars... which causes me to pause.. finding happiness in the good memories, but then sad when realizing why they were wounds in the first place... But then I am overcome with a sense of hopefulness in that scars mean healing, and if it's healed before it'll heal again... I just have to hope that chicks really do dig scars. : )
- I hope to never be hopeless, I can only run out of toothpaste so many times...
- Not being in Chicago this weekend is a tremendous blessing.
- I wish i see what others see in me... i don't mean that to be self-depreciating, i just honestly don't... i'm just me... and thats typically pretty boring... eww that sounds so gross...
- "Create self es-teem through es-teem able acts" is worth living by (I separated that word, because the phrase is trademarked and I don't want to get sued...)
- perhaps i've been uukin poo nub (another 10 points for that reference) wrongly.
- There is a big difference between a 75 and 100 watt light bulb! so annoying.
- I hate not truly knowing my topic... this is seriously torturous...
- swimming pools and movie stars... could i really?
- I wonder if its possible to pray for the wrong things... and if that's the case does God not give you what you need because you're not asking for it? Is part of God's working getting us to recognize what we need so that he will provide it? Can one be any more confused when he doesn't even know what to pray for?
- I'm reading a devotional by Max Lucado (thanks mom!) and he says "God promises to be a light to our path, not provide a crystal ball for our future"... something along those lines... I like that idea, but I don't know if that's necessarily true... and if it is should I not be praying for big picture stuff? Imagine that! More confusion! ha!
- What do I have to do to make it my turn? What if it never is? gah! more big picture!
- Do I REALLY want to write a thesis someday??
- why do i have so many clothes? Seriously... and I'm very much emotionally attached to most of them... seems silly... at the same time... totally awesome.
- Can I go a week without using a :)? That could lead to a lot of misunderstandings... OH perhaps I give up emoticons for Lent! That would be SO 21st century of me... we'll see...
- Gall stones are bright green????
-Why are you still reading this? haha... I usually go back and proof my posts, but i'm going to leave this one as-is... this is about as organic as you can get in a bla(h)g... if you're confused, just click the "x" up in the corner of your browser and go about your day... some things aren't worth figuring out :)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
lifer
So tonight was a... I dunno... good- definitely good- experience. But I went through a whole gambit of emotions, and I'm not exactly sure why. As I typed that first ellipsis all my ambition to expound on my night and thoughts drifted away... so maybe some other time... :)
BUT
the short version is- I've never been a fan of the concept of a "life verse" and I don't know how one goes about getting one- like does someone have to give it to you? Or like is there a life verse swami out there divvying them out...
Regardless, I think if it is kosher to choose one's own, I would choose Isaiah 51:16- I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand.
I think the Lord has indeed covered me with His hand time after time, and I know He has used me in profound ways to share Jesus... they weren't my words, that's for sure...
SO I pray He continues to use me and protect me and yeah... Isaiah 51:16 would be a pretty cool life verse... if I was into that kind of thing...
BUT
the short version is- I've never been a fan of the concept of a "life verse" and I don't know how one goes about getting one- like does someone have to give it to you? Or like is there a life verse swami out there divvying them out...
Regardless, I think if it is kosher to choose one's own, I would choose Isaiah 51:16- I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand.
I think the Lord has indeed covered me with His hand time after time, and I know He has used me in profound ways to share Jesus... they weren't my words, that's for sure...
SO I pray He continues to use me and protect me and yeah... Isaiah 51:16 would be a pretty cool life verse... if I was into that kind of thing...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
(the real) three sixty five.
First of all, today I made an AMAZING cuban pork roast. Man oh man is it delicious. I cannot wait for the embargo to be lifted, cuz I want to go to Havana just for the food... and the cigars... but mostly for the food. :)
It doesn't take much to look at the world and see all sorts of nuttiness going on. The $3.30 gas is obviously the most hard-hitting for me, but pretty irrelevant when you look at the revolution in Egypt and Libya, not to mention rumblings of revolt in Yemen and the Ivory Coast. There's earthquakes and Tsunami's in New Zealand and Australia, there's pirates killing Americans at sea, Unions protesting, snow storms everywhere, major flooding to come, and what in the world were Chicago voters thinking???
I know these things are nothing new, but they seem to be all happening at once right now. It is easy to look at them as global things- stuff that is happening far away that you can ignore if you turn off the TV or stay off Drudge for a while, but really these are lives being impacted. These are real, live people fighting for their freedoms, their livelihood, and even their lives. Its totally mind-blowing to think about. And scary too! I mean states are bankrupt, and jobs are disappearing, and $5 gas? I'd never get to Wisconsin ever again! The country, if not the world, is becoming more and more polarized and the noise of gutless rhetoric is getting louder and louder. It seems that there must be a breaking point, and the grave reality of the matter is that breaking point will most likely come while I'm alive... its nuts to think about.
But, you know, even in the chaos we have hope and peace, don't we? We trust fully in He who calms the waves and controls the tectonic movements. We retreat to He who is the same yesterday, today, and forever and find rest when revolutions arise. We look to Him who says "Be still and know I am God" when nervousness over budget-breaking gas prices, impossible situations, and our own mortality stares us in the eyes. The hope that we have in Jesus' perfect blood and righteousness doesn't fade away when the going gets tough. Why is it so easy to think that way? Why is it my default response to lean toward doubting our Savior's never-ending love when calamity befalls me? It makes no sense. If ever there is a time to cling with fevered passion to the cross where we were set from from sin, death, and the devil it is when we are pressed on all sides! When governments flounder, friends flummox, and life frustrates. If that's not the time to lean not on our own understanding, then when is it time to totally trust in the Almighty's assurance that He'll never leave us?
These pitfalls of sin that are dominating the headlines right now are obviously from the Evil One, but so too is the desperation and hopelessness that I feel as I watch the details unfold on my couch. Satan wants me to think that everything is gone awry and God has finally given up on this fallen race. The Devil loves it when I look at suffering and disaster and rather than saying, "This is YOUR doing, Satan" and despise him all the more; I turn to our perfect God and say, "Why are you allowing this?" May I never forget the source of sin and destruction, and remember that this very destruction is what I deserve as a sinful human being. Thanks be to our Savior Jesus that such destruction is not my fate, my name is written in the book of life! His mercy endures forever!
But, most importantly, may I never lose sight of the fact that Our Lord's hand is still in all these things, Our salvation is still sure through Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, and my citizenship is of Heaven, not this fickle, fleeting world. May we never lose sight of the fact that while world events are obviously hard to ignore and not focus on, God is still very much involved in our everyday relationships, lives, and goings on. Its not like He can only pay attention to one or two things. He is still omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent... He is still God. And while it may seem as if He's pre-occupied with African revolts and disasters in Oceania, may I always conclude that such thinking poppycock! Jesus is living within me! His Spirit is here among us! His blood sealed my fate. The same God that looks after the sparrows looks after me and you, and that is pretty stinkin' awesome! He promises rest to the weary, wholeness to the broken, and peace to the troubled. Thank you God for never abandoning me when I've doubted and faltered, and for picking me up when I thought I was strong enough to walk on my own...
It doesn't take much to look at the world and see all sorts of nuttiness going on. The $3.30 gas is obviously the most hard-hitting for me, but pretty irrelevant when you look at the revolution in Egypt and Libya, not to mention rumblings of revolt in Yemen and the Ivory Coast. There's earthquakes and Tsunami's in New Zealand and Australia, there's pirates killing Americans at sea, Unions protesting, snow storms everywhere, major flooding to come, and what in the world were Chicago voters thinking???
I know these things are nothing new, but they seem to be all happening at once right now. It is easy to look at them as global things- stuff that is happening far away that you can ignore if you turn off the TV or stay off Drudge for a while, but really these are lives being impacted. These are real, live people fighting for their freedoms, their livelihood, and even their lives. Its totally mind-blowing to think about. And scary too! I mean states are bankrupt, and jobs are disappearing, and $5 gas? I'd never get to Wisconsin ever again! The country, if not the world, is becoming more and more polarized and the noise of gutless rhetoric is getting louder and louder. It seems that there must be a breaking point, and the grave reality of the matter is that breaking point will most likely come while I'm alive... its nuts to think about.
But, you know, even in the chaos we have hope and peace, don't we? We trust fully in He who calms the waves and controls the tectonic movements. We retreat to He who is the same yesterday, today, and forever and find rest when revolutions arise. We look to Him who says "Be still and know I am God" when nervousness over budget-breaking gas prices, impossible situations, and our own mortality stares us in the eyes. The hope that we have in Jesus' perfect blood and righteousness doesn't fade away when the going gets tough. Why is it so easy to think that way? Why is it my default response to lean toward doubting our Savior's never-ending love when calamity befalls me? It makes no sense. If ever there is a time to cling with fevered passion to the cross where we were set from from sin, death, and the devil it is when we are pressed on all sides! When governments flounder, friends flummox, and life frustrates. If that's not the time to lean not on our own understanding, then when is it time to totally trust in the Almighty's assurance that He'll never leave us?
These pitfalls of sin that are dominating the headlines right now are obviously from the Evil One, but so too is the desperation and hopelessness that I feel as I watch the details unfold on my couch. Satan wants me to think that everything is gone awry and God has finally given up on this fallen race. The Devil loves it when I look at suffering and disaster and rather than saying, "This is YOUR doing, Satan" and despise him all the more; I turn to our perfect God and say, "Why are you allowing this?" May I never forget the source of sin and destruction, and remember that this very destruction is what I deserve as a sinful human being. Thanks be to our Savior Jesus that such destruction is not my fate, my name is written in the book of life! His mercy endures forever!
But, most importantly, may I never lose sight of the fact that Our Lord's hand is still in all these things, Our salvation is still sure through Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, and my citizenship is of Heaven, not this fickle, fleeting world. May we never lose sight of the fact that while world events are obviously hard to ignore and not focus on, God is still very much involved in our everyday relationships, lives, and goings on. Its not like He can only pay attention to one or two things. He is still omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent... He is still God. And while it may seem as if He's pre-occupied with African revolts and disasters in Oceania, may I always conclude that such thinking poppycock! Jesus is living within me! His Spirit is here among us! His blood sealed my fate. The same God that looks after the sparrows looks after me and you, and that is pretty stinkin' awesome! He promises rest to the weary, wholeness to the broken, and peace to the troubled. Thank you God for never abandoning me when I've doubted and faltered, and for picking me up when I thought I was strong enough to walk on my own...
Monday, February 21, 2011
three sixty five (take one)
WELL folks-
This is it! The 365th post on this piece of the internets. It took me 3 months longer than I wanted, but I made it. horray!
The pressure is on, however, to make it something good.
It has been a while since I've blogged. While there have been several major changes in my life, I haven't felt compelled to reflect on them on paper. Generally speaking, I'm consumed with angst as of late. There are a lot of things that I know I have to do, but really want to put them off so I procrastinate, then feel kind of guilty, then start, but get more or less overwhelmed so I put them off, then guilt... its a vicious circle. :)
But things are good! I am blessed. I am also 30 years old.
wow.
I am working on this whole growing up thing, and I think I'm starting to come around, and while I'm excited to see what kind of adventures lay ahead, but I really wish I had an adventure partner... Still working on trusting in Kairos.... I wish, if it isn't going to happen... for a while at least... this desire would go away, but it persists and it's starting to get on my nerves.
What else is new? Oh, my companion over the past 5 years- trusty, sure-footed, comfortable- is no longer with me. That's right, the Rendezvous is gone. Its a long story but it came down to it not being reliable and me not wanting to put more money into it. So I bought a car that will be reliable and has an awesome warranty. If the Rendy was a Ferrari, my new ride is a BMW 3 series. Nice, definitely nice, but no Ferrari... I really think long-term its the right choice, but short term I have to deal with the significant impact on the ole budget and the thought of 5 years of payments. Buyer's remorse is the worst. The fact is this, like so many things, cannot be changed so I need to embrace it and deal. It was a great deal and I think we're going to have many happy years together. I miss the old girl, but I look forward to this new chapter in my vehicular life. :)
hmmmm... this isn't much of a 365th post... I think back to when I turned 20... actually I don't remember what I did for my 20th birthday- (for the record my 30th birthday was spent mini-golfing with some really great people- blessings, in fact)- ok my 21st birthday- I think back to that- Wild game with my buddies and Joe's Crab Shack with my parents (after destroying the '90 Audi 80)- good times. And I realize there is no way i could have ever ever ever imagined I'd have the life I do now. No WAY I could have even dreamed of it. God is good and has held me closely to Himself.
So I have a desire to wax theoretical about where I'll be in 5 years... but I realize it would be trying to imagine a finger-painting when I have a DiVinci to look forward to. That may be a convoluted metaphor, but I think you get it...
The thing that kind of bums me out about me is that I can sit on this mountain of 30 years of perspective and see all the phenomenal blessings I've been given. I've forgotten more blessings that I can count... My cup overflows1!!! BUT I still get bummed about the few things I don't have. I can say with a good amount of certainty that I would have said I'd be a college graduate and married by age 30- age 25 was my goal, if I'm not mistaken. Neither of those things are true and its hard not to focus on them... I'm annoyed that I do spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on them currently, and I'm even more annoyed that one of them I really am clueless as to how to approach remedying.
blah.
Maybe the thing that is the most discouraging about my status quo is I'm not sure what to look forward to. I mean the 21 year old me had lots to look forward to- lots of unknown adventures to explore. The world was my burrito. Now its like I have the same old routine to look forward to, perhaps I'll try a new shampoo and maybe I'll build some new shelves for my garage... Not exactly climbing Everest... hmmm as I write I realize this is my deal, I mean its my own limits that are, well, limiting me... So maybe I need to think bigger... I think maybe the words of the prof that told me that I'm wasting my life have resounded more than care to admit and so I'm second guessing everything I get excited for because I'm afraid it's not worthy enough... icky. she's in my head. blah.
ANYWHOO... post 365 should not be whiny! The truth is big things are in store! I'm only limited by my own... ahem... laziness, really. The truth is that I'm loved and I'm really glad that I am. And I'm really really working on trusting it. I'm excited about my new roommate- today we played snowball baseball. He's good people and I'm guessing there's many fun times ahead. I'm honestly 30 pages from graduation. Tomorrow is a snow day and I'm not leaving my house until I have 4 pages written. boom. The world of graduate schools is indeed my burrito and where my education and academia will take me, only God knows.
I think my problem is that I have equated maturity with conservative life choices. Safe is best has been my mantra over the past several years. In that thinking, I've muddled who I am. I was never one to be very calculated. Not that I'm reckless, but I, historically, have been one to live with my emotions on my sleeve, throw caution to the wind and go the way of whimsy, and it has produced some fantastic times. It has also made for some tremendous heart break. But when you're out there living, you're gonna get hurt- but at least you're feeling something!!
Its been quite some time since I've done that, been spontaneous. Instead, I've talked things to death and over analyzed my way out of things that could have been really good and really life-changing. I think I need to worry less about the long term and live more in the moment. A "save tonight" kind of a deal. :) I think I'd be pretty happy if 30 was a year of just putting it all on the line and pursuing adventure. I have little to lose other than more missed opportunities for awesomeness.
The bottom line is my friends have heard all my stories- most of them are true :) - so I need to start writing some that are new... which means I need to get back to living and stop merely surviving (thanks Garth Brooks). And, in it all, I need- I get- to make sure that I'm honoring God. I don't think God is necessarily honored in me being a 5 when he's gifted me to be a 10. My favorite quote- A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for. I think its time for me to start venturing out of my harbor again... I just got excited.
This is it! The 365th post on this piece of the internets. It took me 3 months longer than I wanted, but I made it. horray!
The pressure is on, however, to make it something good.
It has been a while since I've blogged. While there have been several major changes in my life, I haven't felt compelled to reflect on them on paper. Generally speaking, I'm consumed with angst as of late. There are a lot of things that I know I have to do, but really want to put them off so I procrastinate, then feel kind of guilty, then start, but get more or less overwhelmed so I put them off, then guilt... its a vicious circle. :)
But things are good! I am blessed. I am also 30 years old.
wow.
I am working on this whole growing up thing, and I think I'm starting to come around, and while I'm excited to see what kind of adventures lay ahead, but I really wish I had an adventure partner... Still working on trusting in Kairos.... I wish, if it isn't going to happen... for a while at least... this desire would go away, but it persists and it's starting to get on my nerves.
What else is new? Oh, my companion over the past 5 years- trusty, sure-footed, comfortable- is no longer with me. That's right, the Rendezvous is gone. Its a long story but it came down to it not being reliable and me not wanting to put more money into it. So I bought a car that will be reliable and has an awesome warranty. If the Rendy was a Ferrari, my new ride is a BMW 3 series. Nice, definitely nice, but no Ferrari... I really think long-term its the right choice, but short term I have to deal with the significant impact on the ole budget and the thought of 5 years of payments. Buyer's remorse is the worst. The fact is this, like so many things, cannot be changed so I need to embrace it and deal. It was a great deal and I think we're going to have many happy years together. I miss the old girl, but I look forward to this new chapter in my vehicular life. :)
hmmmm... this isn't much of a 365th post... I think back to when I turned 20... actually I don't remember what I did for my 20th birthday- (for the record my 30th birthday was spent mini-golfing with some really great people- blessings, in fact)- ok my 21st birthday- I think back to that- Wild game with my buddies and Joe's Crab Shack with my parents (after destroying the '90 Audi 80)- good times. And I realize there is no way i could have ever ever ever imagined I'd have the life I do now. No WAY I could have even dreamed of it. God is good and has held me closely to Himself.
So I have a desire to wax theoretical about where I'll be in 5 years... but I realize it would be trying to imagine a finger-painting when I have a DiVinci to look forward to. That may be a convoluted metaphor, but I think you get it...
The thing that kind of bums me out about me is that I can sit on this mountain of 30 years of perspective and see all the phenomenal blessings I've been given. I've forgotten more blessings that I can count... My cup overflows1!!! BUT I still get bummed about the few things I don't have. I can say with a good amount of certainty that I would have said I'd be a college graduate and married by age 30- age 25 was my goal, if I'm not mistaken. Neither of those things are true and its hard not to focus on them... I'm annoyed that I do spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on them currently, and I'm even more annoyed that one of them I really am clueless as to how to approach remedying.
blah.
Maybe the thing that is the most discouraging about my status quo is I'm not sure what to look forward to. I mean the 21 year old me had lots to look forward to- lots of unknown adventures to explore. The world was my burrito. Now its like I have the same old routine to look forward to, perhaps I'll try a new shampoo and maybe I'll build some new shelves for my garage... Not exactly climbing Everest... hmmm as I write I realize this is my deal, I mean its my own limits that are, well, limiting me... So maybe I need to think bigger... I think maybe the words of the prof that told me that I'm wasting my life have resounded more than care to admit and so I'm second guessing everything I get excited for because I'm afraid it's not worthy enough... icky. she's in my head. blah.
ANYWHOO... post 365 should not be whiny! The truth is big things are in store! I'm only limited by my own... ahem... laziness, really. The truth is that I'm loved and I'm really glad that I am. And I'm really really working on trusting it. I'm excited about my new roommate- today we played snowball baseball. He's good people and I'm guessing there's many fun times ahead. I'm honestly 30 pages from graduation. Tomorrow is a snow day and I'm not leaving my house until I have 4 pages written. boom. The world of graduate schools is indeed my burrito and where my education and academia will take me, only God knows.
I think my problem is that I have equated maturity with conservative life choices. Safe is best has been my mantra over the past several years. In that thinking, I've muddled who I am. I was never one to be very calculated. Not that I'm reckless, but I, historically, have been one to live with my emotions on my sleeve, throw caution to the wind and go the way of whimsy, and it has produced some fantastic times. It has also made for some tremendous heart break. But when you're out there living, you're gonna get hurt- but at least you're feeling something!!
Its been quite some time since I've done that, been spontaneous. Instead, I've talked things to death and over analyzed my way out of things that could have been really good and really life-changing. I think I need to worry less about the long term and live more in the moment. A "save tonight" kind of a deal. :) I think I'd be pretty happy if 30 was a year of just putting it all on the line and pursuing adventure. I have little to lose other than more missed opportunities for awesomeness.
The bottom line is my friends have heard all my stories- most of them are true :) - so I need to start writing some that are new... which means I need to get back to living and stop merely surviving (thanks Garth Brooks). And, in it all, I need- I get- to make sure that I'm honoring God. I don't think God is necessarily honored in me being a 5 when he's gifted me to be a 10. My favorite quote- A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for. I think its time for me to start venturing out of my harbor again... I just got excited.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
typoing aion't a;lways easy.
yesterday, as i was mandolining carrots for an AMAZING roast I made, I cut my finger pretty badly. like there's a chunk miossiong. It makes typ=ing with my righjt habnd pretty difficult.
I have a huge band-aid on it, thus sometimes I hit two keys at once;. I wonder if this is how we look to God sometimes. We try to put our own band-aid over our wounds, we try tio take care oif ourselves on;ly to make everything mopre cpomberspome and difficul;t. Real;l;y, I probably should have gpone tp the ER, but stubboprn me... Np[t tpo wporry, the bleeding is stop-p-ed and it'll be fine (i'm ho[ing foir a sweet scar), but I couold have made it easoer iof I just let spomepne help me.
Without Jesus we canno0t be fine and we tru;y have nop chance of hea;ling. Thankfull;y fingers hea; better than hearts. I thank God for His Son Jesus, and I pray IU always cl;ing toi the cross in a;;l things, rather than tryoing toi handle things pon my opwn. Because when io doon't I lookl (and feel) likoe a moprpn trying ti tyupe wiuth a ridicul;pus band=aid pn my finger.
Thank yopu L:ord fopr wanting my burdens, and gove me the wiosdpom to always lay them at your feet.
I have a huge band-aid on it, thus sometimes I hit two keys at once;. I wonder if this is how we look to God sometimes. We try to put our own band-aid over our wounds, we try tio take care oif ourselves on;ly to make everything mopre cpomberspome and difficul;t. Real;l;y, I probably should have gpone tp the ER, but stubboprn me... Np[t tpo wporry, the bleeding is stop-p-ed and it'll be fine (i'm ho[ing foir a sweet scar), but I couold have made it easoer iof I just let spomepne help me.
Without Jesus we canno0t be fine and we tru;y have nop chance of hea;ling. Thankfull;y fingers hea; better than hearts. I thank God for His Son Jesus, and I pray IU always cl;ing toi the cross in a;;l things, rather than tryoing toi handle things pon my opwn. Because when io doon't I lookl (and feel) likoe a moprpn trying ti tyupe wiuth a ridicul;pus band=aid pn my finger.
Thank yopu L:ord fopr wanting my burdens, and gove me the wiosdpom to always lay them at your feet.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
hmmmmmmmmm
this video contains a lot of my favorites...
Kinetic Typography blows my mind. I enjoy the color orange. I like things that spark conversation. I dig the use of logic, and I, of course, love God... so, minus the decision theology, this here is a perfect video... :)
Kinetic Typography blows my mind. I enjoy the color orange. I like things that spark conversation. I dig the use of logic, and I, of course, love God... so, minus the decision theology, this here is a perfect video... :)
a song for my monday.
simple but beautiful.
I know God is good because He gave me a listening ear tonight. that is a blessing that is beyond words. BFLM.
I know God is good because He gave me a listening ear tonight. that is a blessing that is beyond words. BFLM.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
salsa and screenprinting... hmmm....
For some reason this little news story triggered a whole bunch of ideas... cool idea started by a Christian that impacting lives big time... sounds like a winner...
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Three fiddy random.
I cannot sleep. Well, I could, but I awoke and cannot return to sleepy land. I am leaving in 90 minutes to help out at a food shelf, so I was kind of hoping my circadian rhythm would cooperate... Guess not.
I have an angst about me currently which I can't really explain... Odd. I think, however I might have figured out a more exact paper topic: Historical Criticism and its Impact on Lutheran Education. Something like that... Feels good to have a more narrow focus. Now I must read fast and furiously. I woke up angry about these people stealing my shoes. I have big feet and my basketball shoes were perfect. I wish I knew where they threw everything away... The only stuff I really want is undoubtedly in a dump somewhere. Grrrr.
Also, the cold can stop now. Seriously. These dog days of winter are creeping into my psyche and I'm none too pleased. Come on spring, hurry up! :)
Also I think I'd like to go to Split Rock. Perhaps my birthday weekend? Seems lame, but we'll see...
All Along the Watchtower is running through my head right now... The DMB version, not Dylan... I know you were wondering.
Oh! Garrison Kiellor is speaking at CSP in a couple of weeks. I'm so stoked! I need to move some schedule stuff around, but man that's cool!
Sigh. Still not tired. Twill be a long morning... All for a good cause, right? Right. Onward!
I have an angst about me currently which I can't really explain... Odd. I think, however I might have figured out a more exact paper topic: Historical Criticism and its Impact on Lutheran Education. Something like that... Feels good to have a more narrow focus. Now I must read fast and furiously. I woke up angry about these people stealing my shoes. I have big feet and my basketball shoes were perfect. I wish I knew where they threw everything away... The only stuff I really want is undoubtedly in a dump somewhere. Grrrr.
Also, the cold can stop now. Seriously. These dog days of winter are creeping into my psyche and I'm none too pleased. Come on spring, hurry up! :)
Also I think I'd like to go to Split Rock. Perhaps my birthday weekend? Seems lame, but we'll see...
All Along the Watchtower is running through my head right now... The DMB version, not Dylan... I know you were wondering.
Oh! Garrison Kiellor is speaking at CSP in a couple of weeks. I'm so stoked! I need to move some schedule stuff around, but man that's cool!
Sigh. Still not tired. Twill be a long morning... All for a good cause, right? Right. Onward!
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
BUMMER!
So a couple of months ago I took all the pictures from my high school and college days over to my buddy's house so I could scan a bunch in and post on Facebook. I did that, which is great. But I left them in the back of my car and didn't think about them... until this afternoon... you guessed it... they've been taken too. All my Wyoming and China photos are gone. As are pics from my high school mission trips, senior year, and all the ballparks I've visited...
bummer.
bummer.
Lobby
I'm early. Waiting.
Sitting. Hating.
Patience fading.
So irritating.
Mags are old.
Smells like mold.
Feet are cold.
Like teeth bring pulled.
Phone goes ring.
Babies "sing".
Nurses bring...
Not my turn.
Chair is stiff.
Snot-nosed sniff.
Moms looked miffed.
Did they get in a tiff?
Hark!
My ears tingle!
That's MY name! (it has a jingle)
Oh my! Could it be?
Now is the time for him to see me?
Such joy! Such jubilation!
My wait is over, I was very patien(t)...
I follow the nurse, but what do I see?
Another stiff chair waiting for me...
Oh how I detest these waiting lob-bees.
Sitting. Hating.
Patience fading.
So irritating.
Mags are old.
Smells like mold.
Feet are cold.
Like teeth bring pulled.
Phone goes ring.
Babies "sing".
Nurses bring...
Not my turn.
Chair is stiff.
Snot-nosed sniff.
Moms looked miffed.
Did they get in a tiff?
Hark!
My ears tingle!
That's MY name! (it has a jingle)
Oh my! Could it be?
Now is the time for him to see me?
Such joy! Such jubilation!
My wait is over, I was very patien(t)...
I follow the nurse, but what do I see?
Another stiff chair waiting for me...
Oh how I detest these waiting lob-bees.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
peter @ the park
I was told my readers miss me, so here I am appeasing the "masses" :)
Really, I've not blogged much lately for a couple of reasons.
1- I really am borderline overwhelmed with getting back into the swing of ministry. I have a sort of renewed passion for pouring into the lives of kids, but there are so many other things that I need to get done. Least of which is a pretty major paper... so, lots to do!
2- I'm just really really happy right now. The fact of the matter is that blogs like this are all about a stream of consciousness. For whatever reason, you enjoy reading about what's going on in my life. The thing is though, at least for me, the things that are interesting to read are the things that come from a dark place. Its easy to articulate sadness and easy to wax down in the dumps. Not only that, but I kind of enjoy reading such things. I certainly enjoy songs that are kind of depressing- maybe its because I'm a Lutheran and depressing songs are in a minor key. Lutherans love the minor key. Whatever the reason its it much easier to bla(h)g about sadness than it is joy. Its almost like if I write about being joyful its like I'm bragging, you know? If I talk about allll the good things and awesome people in my life you, the reader, will roll your eyes and ask, "who cares?" But if I write about being bummed out, you the reader thinks, "aww, poor fella" or "well at least I'm better off than him" or you can identify with that sadness and feel a sort of attachment. Its a tad masochistic, really... Plus happiness usually means one is out and about and with people and friends, so he doesn't have time to wallow and bla(g)h (I know I'm being inconsistent with my use of the word bla(h)g; I'm just getting sick of writing it like that...). In that regard, I must admit, my calendar has been chocked full since Christmas. Fun, fun times. Browling, brotime, 5am session, fight night, the ritual, making stars explode, vespers, lots of movies, cards, secrets, following guts, waffles, wings, and so much more. (I'm grinning very widely right now)
So, If you've not heard from me for a while, know its because I'm happy and blessed, and glad. Or I'm pinned underneath my car.
3- God is good. He's given me a couple of sets of listening ears recently that I am so grateful for. I really started this bla(h)g because I needed to have an outlet. I actually hoped that one, maybe 2 people would ever see it. It is kind of embarrassing that there are more folks who take time out of their day to peruse... But lately I've been able to share and process with real, live people. Its a very novel concept, I know.... Its also one of those blessings that leaves me to say to God: "thank you, thank you thank you!!!! good things.
4-
Ha I just got bored trying to think of other reasons why I've not written lately. I just don't have much to say, quite honestly. I could complain about my lame car, but that's no fun. SO, know I'm happy, blessed, and movin' and shakin' :)
Also, I got new glasses that I am very stoked to see!!! Friday! Come quickly!!!
buh. bye.
peace and blessings.
peace. and. blessings.
Really, I've not blogged much lately for a couple of reasons.
1- I really am borderline overwhelmed with getting back into the swing of ministry. I have a sort of renewed passion for pouring into the lives of kids, but there are so many other things that I need to get done. Least of which is a pretty major paper... so, lots to do!
2- I'm just really really happy right now. The fact of the matter is that blogs like this are all about a stream of consciousness. For whatever reason, you enjoy reading about what's going on in my life. The thing is though, at least for me, the things that are interesting to read are the things that come from a dark place. Its easy to articulate sadness and easy to wax down in the dumps. Not only that, but I kind of enjoy reading such things. I certainly enjoy songs that are kind of depressing- maybe its because I'm a Lutheran and depressing songs are in a minor key. Lutherans love the minor key. Whatever the reason its it much easier to bla(h)g about sadness than it is joy. Its almost like if I write about being joyful its like I'm bragging, you know? If I talk about allll the good things and awesome people in my life you, the reader, will roll your eyes and ask, "who cares?" But if I write about being bummed out, you the reader thinks, "aww, poor fella" or "well at least I'm better off than him" or you can identify with that sadness and feel a sort of attachment. Its a tad masochistic, really... Plus happiness usually means one is out and about and with people and friends, so he doesn't have time to wallow and bla(g)h (I know I'm being inconsistent with my use of the word bla(h)g; I'm just getting sick of writing it like that...). In that regard, I must admit, my calendar has been chocked full since Christmas. Fun, fun times. Browling, brotime, 5am session, fight night, the ritual, making stars explode, vespers, lots of movies, cards, secrets, following guts, waffles, wings, and so much more. (I'm grinning very widely right now)
So, If you've not heard from me for a while, know its because I'm happy and blessed, and glad. Or I'm pinned underneath my car.
3- God is good. He's given me a couple of sets of listening ears recently that I am so grateful for. I really started this bla(h)g because I needed to have an outlet. I actually hoped that one, maybe 2 people would ever see it. It is kind of embarrassing that there are more folks who take time out of their day to peruse... But lately I've been able to share and process with real, live people. Its a very novel concept, I know.... Its also one of those blessings that leaves me to say to God: "thank you, thank you thank you!!!! good things.
4-
Ha I just got bored trying to think of other reasons why I've not written lately. I just don't have much to say, quite honestly. I could complain about my lame car, but that's no fun. SO, know I'm happy, blessed, and movin' and shakin' :)
Also, I got new glasses that I am very stoked to see!!! Friday! Come quickly!!!
buh. bye.
peace and blessings.
peace. and. blessings.
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