I met with two youth ministers today. One is a seasoned veteran who thinks that he might be getting out of the game soon, the other is brand new and as wide-eyed as anyone I’ve ever met. I'm really excited about this new guy. There is ample opportunity for us to partner together, and I think it is going to be a fun paring. It has been a tremendous blessing to be able to mentor youth guys over the years. I must get an E-mail a week asking me what it is we do at BLH, and it’s pretty fun to be able share all the fun stuff we got going on.
Personally, I am so pumped for this fall/winter. We have some AMAZING things coming up, and I just am so excited to get rollin’. This excitement is truly from the Lord. I was pretty stale over the summer… I just couldn’t get pumped about anything… everything was just … eh… But God is faithful and has really given me a renewed zest for kids and a zeal for building relationships. Thank you Lord!!
Anyway, meeting with theses two guys makes me realize how privileged I am to do what I do. But anytime I give advice, I can’t help but think about the MANY mistakes I’ve made over the years.
SO, here is an overview of the Top Five Youth Guy Mistakes that I made in my first five years of ministry.
5- Too close to too few kids/families
Quite honestly I keenly focused on a handful of kids and really catered to their likes, needs, and desires. That’s not all that bad, but I think in the early going this lead to the exclusion of other kids. Its hard to really explain, and maybe it’s the way you have to start, but my focus, at least I hope, is much wider now. I make a concerted effort to be equal-opportunity… and sometimes the kids that I have the best relationship with are left out so that new folks might join in…
4- Refused to flip the script
In the beginning I had a plan and ain’t no one gonna make me change it. So stubborn… so stupid. Some of the best moments I’ve had in ministry have been when we’ve just sat around and talked about whatever was on people’s minds. No curriculum, no video, no games… just kids sharing and growing together.
3- Made it “me” not “our”
This is something I’m still struggling with. I NEED volunteers. We really need to start small groups… but it is so daunting I just don’t know where to start. The sad reality is that most of our people have no idea what “youth group” is because they never had one growing up. So to get adult volunteers to be a part of OUR “youth group” is no easier than asking them to join a club for astrophysicists. They are both foreign concepts and we fear the unknown… It needs to be our ministry, not mine… Lord help us.
2- Went for the choir, not for the tonedeaf
This kind of coincides with #5, but its easy to build a ministry of choir members- of people who love their Lord and love being with other teenagers and love to have fun, etc… It’s also easy for me as a youth minster to reach out to those kind of kids. But the rough and tumble fringe kids… they are a tough nut to crack, and for the most part I have avoided them. This also goes with #3, if there were more people involved, the easier it would be to reach out to all kinds of folks… Certainly something to pray about…
1- Made it about programs, not about relationships
Early on, I thought it was necessary to program the heck out of everything. We needed workbooks and logos and postcards and T-shirts… all those things are great, but the program doesn’t make the ministry. Lately I’ve found immense joy in sitting down with kids and hearing about their day. I’m loving the relationship. In those conversations we can talk about relationships with others- good or bad, and parents- good or bad, and most importantly, their relationship with their Savior Jesus. It is such a blessing. Programs come and go, they get dated or fall flat; but good conversation over cheap appetizers focusing on the redemptive work of Jesus… that just never grows old.
So those are just some lessons learned. I have no idea how long I’ll be in the youth game, but I do know that as long as I am a youth minister the mistakes will keep on coming, but thankfully so will the valuable insight that only messing up can give. Thank you Lord for letting me fall down so You can pick me up.
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