Farmer Bob.

I don't know what people did before blogs when they couldn't sleep, but this thing is my Lunesta sometimes, I tell ya... I have a hankering that this weekend will be important in the story of me, but I don't have too good of a feeling about it...
Regardless, a couple of days ago I collected 98% of my garden's harvest.  We still have corn that I hope survives the attack from the mutant beans and a couple of peppers that are either dwarf or stunted, because they've not changed in 2 weeks...
Gardening is an AMAZING thing!  I've never done it before and I am really bad at it, truth be told, but it is just a fascinating phenomenon!  In fact, I really can't get over how awesome it is.  I mean 3 months ago we put these teeny tiny seeds into the ground and now we eat them.  I know this process has been going on for thousands of years, but it is the first time I've had a direct connection to the process and it is mind-blowing.
Gardening is teaching me things.  More than anything else in recent memory, gardening has taught me how to trust.  God invented this system of seeds growing fruit from the very beginning.  It is nothing new.  I had good seeds planted in phenomenal soil with plenty of sunshine and water, and yet I still doubted that things would grow.  The plants looked too little and they took too long, or they were growing underground and all I saw was the green shoots that marked their rearing-ground.
I had to trust.  Trust that the system is not broken, that God knew what he was doing when he made it up.  I had to trust that the seeds had what they needed by means of nutrients and sunlight and that given some patience they would indeed grow into these amazing little vegetables that are sitting on my counter right now.  I had to trust.
But man it is hard to trust.  When the plants are small and the rain is so hard the wind blows through that field, certainly they are too weak to withstand that weather, certainly I need to do more- weed more, water more, watch them and talk to them more.  But all my intervening did was make them more vulnerable to the elements (by washing away some soil and pulling out weeds too quickly) and sometimes I picked the veggies before they were ready- unripened jalapenos are no bueno.  I had to trust.  And because I finally did and I just let it go and just watered when it hadn't rained for a couple of days, I have some amazing vegetables to enjoy. 
My life is a garden and the seeds of relationships and my future and my status quo- they are all in the fertile soil of God's loving arms.  He knew me before I was born, and he knows the plans he has for me.  So I have to trust.  But man, that rain is hard and that wind is strong and there are so many things I can do to make that plan better, right?  nope.  I just gotta trust.  Trust he knows whats best.  Trust he is bigger than loneliness, uncertainty, and my own stupid attempts at blazing my own trail.  Trust that I can only see a teeny tiny part of the big picture, but God knows all.  Trust that He is the God of my life.   I love him and he loves me immeasurably more.  If he makes the pea pods sprout and the onions of my garden grow perfectly and according to plan, then how much more will he take care of me his dearly loved son? I believe the mantra of AnAnon is apt: "Let go and let God."  His system works.  His refiner's fire is a blessing and his plan is perfect.  So I gotta shut up and just trust. 

What God ordains is always good:
His will is just and holy.
As he directs my life for me,
I follow meek and lowly.
My God indeed
In every need
Knows well how he will shield me;
To him, then, I will yield me.

What God ordains is always good:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me in his own right way,
And never will he leave me.
I take content
What he has sent;
His hand that sends me sadness
Will turn my tears to gladness.

What God ordains is always good:
He is my friend and father;
He suffers naught to do me harm
Though many storms may gather.
Now I may know
Both joy and woe;
Someday I shall see clearly
That he has loved me dearly.

What God ordains is always good:
Though I the cup am drinking
Which savors now of bitterness,
I take it without shrinking.
For after grief
God gives relief,
My heart with comfort filling
And all my sorrow stilling.

What God ordains is always good:
This truth remains unshaken.
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
I shall not be forsaken.
I fear no harm,
For with his arm
He shall embrace and shield me;
So to my God I yield me.