Ramblings from the Simple Minded

ho hum

2012-02-12T23:57:00.001-06:00

Man I have really enjoyed this winter. Especially since the past two were to brutally snowy and cold. This year's mild snowlessness has been a welcomed treat. I'm not one to excessively comment on the weather, but seriously, it is noteworthy in its fantasticalness. So sunny and (relatively) warm... not too shabby. Currently, however, I have a cold and my nose is quite stuffy. I was bragging about how I never get sick, and of course here I am a Rudolph. That's what I get, I suppose... it'll pass soon enough.

I've written many bla(h)g posts in my head recently, and I'm kinda bummed that they never made it to fruition. There's a lot to think/write about. Currently I'm thinking about this whole "a year ago" thing-
I could get pretty bogged down with stuff- I don't know why it matters, why anniversaries are a big deal-a year ago my car was broken into, its been a year since I last saw my mom not in a hospital bed, a year since we went with our guts, that kind of thing... and soon enough it will be a year since everything started going down hill with my mom... its crazy to think about, and it will be a fine line to tread between intentionally remembering and honoring the past and looking toward the future. I think that balance shouldn't be too hard to find, but it is something that I'm thinking about nonetheless. All the more reason why I am exceedingly grateful that this winter has been so lovely. God is good!

Perhaps that is the best thing to gain from looking back 365 days- remembering the pain or the joy and seeing how even in the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, I was always safely in the grip of our loving Savior. Even if, in my sinful nature, I felt as if I was all alone, I wasn't. Not even close. Each and every time I was seen safely to shore through the storms and now I am enjoying the higher ground of perspective and experience. And, while those things certainly suck to go through, they make me a better me and that is pretty great. So even in the doldrums of death we can be thankful because our God is refining us in the fire of trials. Good things.
I need nyquil.

...

2012-01-27T21:57:00.000-06:00

haha
I suppose this gives me a little hope?? :)

Chisel Away

2012-01-18T13:06:00.000-06:00

Man... no matter how many times I watch this it is always awesome. They just updated it, and in my opinion made it more Christ-centered.
I just love the line, "You were never holding me up. I hold you up with my victorious, righteous, right hand. Don’t you forget that. In this relationship, I hold you up"
Thank you Lord.

6 days... plus 30

2012-01-17T01:40:00.000-06:00

I said that in 6 days I'd bla(h)g... like 30 days ago... regardless, I'm glad I wrote that because it reminded me to write about jellyfish and lost dreams.
Several years ago I attended a youth workers convention in San Diego. At that convention I Phil Vischer- the creator of VeggieTales- speak. I liked his talk so much that I ended up buying a DVD of it. He told the story of how his crazy idea of animated talking vegetables went from a cute idea to a multimillion dollar enterprise to bankruptcy in a matter of 5 years. It is a fascinating story that I won't get in to, but he asked the question that I was thinking as I was listening... why?
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago- I'm driving in my car on a Sunday morning heading to church. Now, I don't know why exactly I have this tradition- maybe its to get me in the "worshipful" mood- or maybe I'm a pietist schwarmer- but for whatever reason, as I'm driving to church I always listen to Christian radio. Sometimes it is already tuned in, but more often than not I have to dial in the ol' 98.5 for the 15 minute journey to church. Anyway, I have it on and hear Phil Vischer talking about his VeggieTales story but this time he talks about how he wants to be a jellyfish, and I was reminded why I loved his talk that I heard 5 years ago, and why I too want to be a jellyfish.

Allow me to attempt to put them both in one nice and neat package.

First of all, why? Why would God give Phil this huge ministry only to take it away? Or why would God give Bob his dream job only for him to get laid off 6 months later? Or why would God put "the one" in Walt's life, only to have her go far, far away, never to see Walt again? Why? Why do these awesome things happen only to seemingly randomly fall apart? I see it all the time- I really do. I'm don't think I believe in coincidences or fate or destiny. That is, I know that God is Lord over all things. He IS power, He IS dominion, He IS God... So, fate or happenstance- I don't think I buy into that. I really don't know, though- because I wonder- does God care (care isn't the right word, but I hope you get my point) about Tebow winning football games? Or is God really helping me remember facts for a test that I didn't study for? These types of things- to what extent God interweaves Himself into our daily activities, I do not know. The classic example is a hot July Saturday there are dozens of brides praying earnestly for no rain so their wedding can go off without a hitch. At the same time there are hundreds of farmers praying for a downpour so their crops can grow and they can feed their kids... who's prayers are more "important"? OK, OK, those questions can be discussed later- but methinks they fall under the same general idea- Why does God do what He does?
Does this question make you feel as uneasy as it does me? I don't like to ask that at all, because I trust God- I really do. I know He is bigger than me, and I rejoice over that fact! If God was only as intelligent or as mighty as the smartest, strongest man, imagine how hopeless we would be. I know God is big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do. As such, I am not one to ask such a haughty question as why does God do what He does.
BUT.
I do wonder... so...
2 Kings 4 has an interesting story that could shed some light on this subject-
Whenever Elisha visited Shunem there was a woman who would feed him. He came around enough that she and her husband even gave him a room on their roof to sleep in whenever he was in town. Elisha was so grateful that he wanted to show her his gratitude. She was along in years and she had no son, so Elisha told her that by this time next year she would be holding a little baby boy. She was shocked and even said, "don't you mess with me, oh man of God!" But Elisha wasn't messing with her- just as he said a year later she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. Such joy! Such jubilation! All of her dreams had come true!
The boy grew and everyone was happy until one morning this young boy complained of a headache. By noon he had died in his mother's lap. The woman (we don't know her name) jumped on a donkey and rode out to Elisha. She was in great anguish- in essence she asked, "why did you give me my dream only to have it taken away?!?!" Why did you give me a son only for him to die so young? Elisha told her to go back home, but the Shunammite woman said she would not leave Elisha's side. So Elisha went with her to her home and found the boy dead on the couch. Elisha prayed and then laid on the lad- eyes to eyes hands to hands mouth to mouth. The boy sneezed seven times and woke up. The woman had her son back and she praised the Lord.

What on earth? Why did this all take place? Why would God give this woman her dream- a son- only to have it taken away... to only give him back to her?
I don't know.
But Vischer thinks, and I just might agree with him, that this happened so to make sure that God was still Lord of her life. That is to say, it is easy to rely on God when your dreams are shattered and your hopes are dashed, right? After all, when the going gets tough, the tough get praying. But what about when that dream comes true? I know I struggle to be the one leper who thanks God for healing. I'm often out enjoying being healed, you know? I've seen the movie story line over and over again- the nerdy kid becomes popular and forgets where he came from- that kind of an idea. Perhaps this was a test to see where the Shunammite woman would turn when her dream had (literally) died. And what did she do? She turned immediately to God. And she wouldn't leave His servant. Her eyes were still heavenward- even though her dreams had come true, so God returned her to her dream. Her son was restored to life.
I like that explanation of this account. I haven't read any commentaries on 2 Kings 4, so I don't know if that is a widely held summation or not, regardless, I'm a fan. We are so blessed. We have so many good and wonderful things in our lives- things that can easily become a distraction. We pray and pray for this or that, and when we are given it, we forget about the source. (I realize I'm speaking generally here). Thanks be to God that He sometimes takes those things away so that we might regain focus on the Source of all our blessings. Sometimes He gives us our dreams back. Sometimes- as with Job- He gives it back exponentially grander than before! And, sometimes, our dreams stay dead. God, however, is still there. He is still God. He is still Lord over our lives. He is what matters. His love and grace and salvation won through Jesus is THE dream come true in our lives, and we are assured that nothing can separate us from the love that is in Christ Jesus. Shattered dreams are a gift from God. The lost job, broken heart, departed loved one, and forgotten friend are all reminders that our faith in Jesus is all that matters.
He is Lord over our lives.
Apparently, according to Phil, jellyfish, for the most part, are unable to propel themselves. At least, they can't cover great distances under their own power. Rather, jellyfish are largely dependent on the tides and currents to take them to where they want to go. And this is OK because the current will keep them in warm water which is rich with their primary food source. As long as they ride the current, they're happy as clams.
I want to be a jellyfish. If God has Lordship over my life, and I truly trust in Him- If my hopes and dreams are truly in His hands and my greatest hope is in His Son's suffering and death on the cross, then I should have no problem letting His current take me to where He wants me to be. Why would I want to try and swim against the current- I'd only wear myself out and get nowhere. Rather, if I just trust the current like a good jellyfish, I can relax and know that I'm being taken to warm water rich with food. My joy and worth and completion doesn't rest in my dreams coming true, rather my joy and worth and completion is found in a loving God sending His one and only son to live the perfect life that I was unable to live, die so that I wouldn't have to, and rise again so that I could do the same. What Joy! He loves me THAT much? I'm worth Jesus' life?? Such worth! He who makes all things new is living within me through the waters of baptism?? I'm complete! These... these are good things.

perdy

2012-01-11T23:37:00.000-06:00

Wow. God is cool.

The Mountain

now i know...

2011-12-27T23:10:00.001-06:00

I just came across this article that exposes the top 10 words people mispronounce. Thankfully, I'm pretty good on most of them. However, I JUST- like within the past month- realized this one... Man do I feel silly:

FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES

Incorrect pronunciation: “for all intensive purposes”
Correct pronunciation: “for all intents and purposes”

All right, yes, I cheated a little bit here (for posterity’s sake, I should note that a phrase and a word are not the same thing) but this is still a very popular pronunciation mistake and one that I really feel must be addressed in a public forum. While “intensive” is absolutely a word, the clichéd saying that most people are trying to channel is all about intent. As for the rumor that I, as a younger man, frequently employed the incorrect pronunciation… no comment.

Full article here: http://www.primermagazine.com/2008/learn/10-words-you-mispronounce-that-make-people-think-youre-an-idiot

the good stuff

2011-12-27T02:09:00.000-06:00

Spoiler alert: I got my niece and nephew two books for Christmas- both by S.L. Jones. My favorite is the Jesus Storybook Bible, which turns the Biblical Narrative into a children's book. It's brilliant and wonderful and amazing all rolled into one. Granted, the baptism theology is Armenian, but the rest is just plain fantastic. I love the part about the Paslms (read this with a very refined British accent. Ever since I heard Ms.Jones read her own work, I can't get her accent out of my head)

"David was a shepherd, but when God looked at him, he saw a king. Sure enough, when David grew up, that's just what he became. And David was a great king. He had a heart like God's heard- full of love.
Now, that didn't mean he was perfect, because he did some terrible things. No, David made a big mess of his life. But God can take even the biggest mess and make it work in his plan.
'I need a new heart, Lord,' David prayed, 'because mine is full of sin. Make me clean inside.'
God heard David's prayer. He forgave David...
David was a songwriter, too... David's songs are like prayers... and this one is called 'The Song of the Shepherd:'
God is my Shepherd
And I am his little lamb.
He feeds me
He guides me
He looks after me.
I have everything I need.

Inside, my heart is very quiet.
As quiet as laying still in soft, green grass
In a meadow
By a little stream.

Even when I walk through
the dark, scary lonely places
I won't be afraid
Because my Shepherd knows where I am.

He is here with me
He keeps me safe
He rescues me
And makes me strong
And brave...

He fills my heart so full of happiness
I can't hold it all inside.

Wherever I go I know
God's never stopping
Never giving up
Unbreaking
Always and Forever
Love
Will go, too!"

Now that is the good stuff.

Check out some cool videos and illustrations here: http://www.jesusstorybookbible.com/index.php?option=com_video

2011-12-27T01:42:00.000-06:00

Well... its been a while.
Its been a while since I've been plagued with this type of sleeplessness. The motors in the ole noggin are churning over time, thus its time to bla(h)g.
I can't believe it is already December 27th. Man, time slips away much too quickly.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Truthfully I've had a lot to think about- some heavy- too deeply personal and downright heartbreaking to even touch on this here piece of the internet- others frivolous and not worth wasting time actually putting into 1's and 0's. It is staggering how quickly things completely change- like even reality changes on a dime... things I thought I knew I no longer do... its enough to make the most committed of men throw up their hands and give up out of sheer exhaustion.
I realized my main goal right now is to just figure out how I fit into God's plan. Does that make sense? I know that God has a hope and a future for me. I know I have the desire to do great things- to make a difference, to love and be loved, to share Jesus, to live a story worth telling, to savor life and relish adventure... et cetera... I know these things and I have a desire to be all those things, yet I feel as if I'm missing my assignment. Or, perhaps, it seems as if nothing is clear- like every path is un-tread and tumultuous. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem working for what I want- quite the opposite- but its hard to travel when there is no inkling as to where I'm heading.
I have this battle in my head between the rational mind- the one that I've been grooming over the past several years- the one that I never really had before and the one that makes me mostly act like an "adult" even though on the inside I want to do the opposite- a battle between that rational and the throw-wimsey-to-the-wind-you-only-live-once-take-life-by-the-horns-and-live-life-to-the-fullest part that really truly made me the person I am today. The stories I have aren't about sitting at home alone at night watching movies because it was the practical thing to do- no, the stories I love to have lived and love to tell are of the me that was surrounded by adventure and the foolhardy. What happened to that me? My peers could say they settled down, got married, had some kids... but what's my excuse? Why do I long to live differently than the way I am now? I don't want to be ungrateful- because I am, God. I am! Thank you for all the gifts you lavish upon me... but there is so little joy in my life right now- and its not because of depression or because I'm all down on things- not at all. I'm still living and breathing and fulfilling my duties just like I have for the past 7 years- maybe with a little more cynicism than before, but that is based on precedent not on emotion... its just that the thrill is gone, you know? And I get that "the thrill" doesn't need to be there all the time, I realize that life isn't always thrilling and dazzling and sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do what it takes to get the job done... but then I stop and I shake my head and I wonder why it has to be that way for me?
I don't have a family to support. I don't have a 401k to worry about. I don't really have roots here anymore- and they are getting cut off more and more every day, lately. I have a house, but as much as I lament about it's worthlessness, I've never really truly looked into no living here. I dunno. I've done the safe thing- applied for grad schools- which will be fine if they work out, but I don't know if that's what its all about either... Is it wrong to chase the high of adventurous living? And I don't mean that irresponsibly, I mean that is it wrong to want a change if what you're doing isn't where you want to be? The problem is, I don't mind what I'm doing, its just where I am doing it... blah... I could continue to complain, but it is what it is... and what I am is blessed. I just need a win, man. There has been so many losses lately, I just want a win. (Ironically, JV girls, 3-0, baby! Turns out I AM a coach. Take that, naysayers!)
I long with my whole heart for some direction in life... or, on the flip, contentment. Hence, the things that I think about. What does God have in store for me? Where? How? With whom? These types of things. He's made it abundantly clear that I am not one for keeping up with the Jones' when it comes to my station in life as compared to my peers- but why not? My human brain would say that it is because there's something big and special on the horizon... but that just sounds cliche' and delusional... What is it all about? Or, more importantly, why do I care? Did my parents ever wrestle with these questions? Can anyone who hasn't possibly understand?
wonder fills my soul at 1:25 in the am.
I trust in God. I know He's in charge. I have contemplated taking charge lately, but I know that isn't what I'm called to do. I'm called to serve and share and love. And its not about serving me and sharing me and (only) loving me- maybe that is the biggest roadblock- me and my selfishness... gah. I think the reason we as a culture enjoy looking back to the "good old days" is because we can look at those years through the filter of hindsight. We see the results and we forget the process. I'm tempted to long for before- when it was easy- and things were "normal"- but I realize that I struggled just as much then as I do now- just with different things, I suppose. In a lot of ways, things really suck right now. and, in a lot of ways, things are really awesome... maybe my goal is to just experience more awesome than suck on a given day. And if I succeed, then consider that a win... there's a story worth telling...
SO my prayer tonight is, Lord: Quiet the selfish desires of my mind. Chase out the whispers of the evil one: Thoughts and desires of resentment and grudges, envy and jealousy, discontentment and anger. Fill my heart with your joy, your peace, your hope. May your desires be my desires, your eyes my eyes, your heart my heart. Help me strive to be a better servant to you, and may I find joy and fulfillment in being your hands and feet.
Lord come quickly!

Beheld.

2011-12-25T01:42:00.016-06:00

Behold, the Lamb of God
Who takes away our sin
Behold the Lamb of God
The life and light of men
Behold the Lamb of God
Who died and rose again
Behold the Lamb of God who comes
To take away our sin.

I couldn't get through those words without crying this weekend.

I'm reminded that He was born to die. for me.
my sins are gone.
I'm washed clean.
I'm God's dear child.

So no matter who's not speaking to me.
No matter who resents me.
No matter the sadness and emptiness and brokenheartedness...
Emmanuel is here.
for me.
and for you.
The only person who ever chose to be born, chose to be born so that He could die so that I might live.
Thank you Jesus.

GK, you're great!

2011-12-25T01:40:00.000-06:00

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?
-GK Chesterton

simply put:

2011-12-21T00:51:00.002-06:00

Lord, tonight remind me that I'm a tree in a story about a forest.

2011-12-18T00:53:00.000-06:00

I don't think I have any regular readers left... but... Its been a while since I've written anything meaningful... thus, it's been a while since I've apologized for my delinquency. sorry. For anyone who's stumbled upon this here bla(h)g- welcome! and know that I've been marinading on a couple of thoughts, so stay tuned.

In the meantime know that right now as I lay on a blow up bed in one of my favorite people's living room in one of my favorite places on earth i am glad. and grateful. and relishing every moment of this reprieve. good things. Enough about me.

Coming up- jellyfish, lost dreams, 3g's, top 8 albums of the year, year in review (its been a doosy!!) and mobile soup kitchens. So what I'm saying is... if you're bored in 5 or 6 days, check back and you'll have lots of words to read. I can't promise they'll be worth your time, but they'll be here for your perusal.
until then... mazel tov!

Go out and start creating...

2011-12-07T17:39:00.003-06:00

2011-12-06T00:02:00.002-06:00

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done…”
-C.S. Lewis

mums the word

2011-12-02T00:33:00.000-06:00

Man, I just love these guys...
I stumbled back upon this album, and naturally this song...
Granted, as a band they are very formulaic... but their formula rocks my socks off.
so good.

‎"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart, and flowers in your hair."
that's poetry, folks.

a thankful monologue

2011-11-26T02:45:00.001-06:00

Do you ever spend time pontificating the amazingness of our existence? I mean not only do I live in this beautiful country, but I also get to live in the suburbs in a great state very comfortably. I was raised in a wonderful family, was able to go to private schools throughout my education, was given the given the gift of faith and parents who watered it daily. Not only that, but I’m in the 21 century- where innovation and technology is growing at bananas pace and I have the entire world at my fingertips. No piece of information is further than a click away. Crazy. Sure, we’re in a recession and my house’s resale value is nil, but holy moly- I quite literally lack nothing… well, I could use a new pair of Keens… but… my thirst for shoes is quite insatiable.

It is downright mind-blowing to think that of the billions of people who have lived on this earth, I’m the only one who has my job in my town in this house with these friends and family, etc. It is just nutty. I am drowning in blessings- I can do nothing but breathe in the goodness of God.

So I thought it apropos to list a blessing for every kernel of corn on my plate… and maybe a couple more…

Gracious God, Heavenly Father

The Headwater to the river of blessings that overwhelms me each and every day-

I am grateful for your loving kindness.

Your gentleness, your patience, your relentless forgiving and your consuming grace.

I am humbled by your love and your desire to have a relationship with me.

You sent your one and only son to live, breath, eat, sleep, laugh, cry, die and rise so that I might be one with you through His holy and precious blood.

You did that for me.

It seems that words aren’t enough, but tonight they’re all I have.

Thank you Lord.

Thank you for life.

For the air I breathe

The food I eat

The water I drink

Who am I that you would provide these things in abundance daily?

I am not worthy of your mercy.

Thank you for death.

For it is in death that we are returned to you in perfect glory.

Because of your Son death is not some veiled unknown, rather it is a homecoming where we are welcomed eternally into your loving, nail-marked hands.

But we were created to live and not to die

So Lord let me treat each moment as what it really is:

A gift from you.

While you know the number of breaths I have left, I do not have such knowledge, so let me use each to bring you glory.

May my words bring encouragement and peace

May my presence bring joy

May my thoughts be focused on loving those whom you love

And my eyes focused on the cross.

May my hands bring blessings to others

And my feet the Good News to everyone I meet.

May You be at the center of my life, oh Lord, until the day we meet face to face.

Thank you for my family.

We all know you, Jesus, and because of that our kinship is not just of this earth but also in the life to come. This is chief of all blessings: to know we will share eternity.

You provided a home that was not perfect, that was not always peaceful, not always joyous, but it was a home that was built on the Rock.

Thank you for parents who brought me to the waters of baptism.

Who were concerned with parenting me, not merely befriending me

Who set boundaries

Who disciplined me

And held me accountable for my actions
But in all things reflected you

I am who I am because of them, gracious God, and for them I am grateful.

In you all things are possible, so I pray that those homes that are broken-

Those families where children don’t feel safe

Where they go unfed and un-loved by their earthly parents

Where there is no peace, no boundaries, no grace-

Creator of the heavens and earth, I pray that you bring to them

Your peace

Your love

The stuff that passes understanding-

The safety of your goodness and mercy

The fullness of your redemption

Come quickly to help them

Heal them and restore them to you

You calmed the wind and the waves, so Lord please bring calm to the lives of those families enveloped in the storms of divorce, abuse, adultery, alcoholism, and every other rift-making device the father of lies uses.

Adonai, you have put people in my life that love, support, encourage, anchor, listen, care for, provide, pray for, and invest in me each and every day

Oh how shameful it is how often I take them for granted

It is haughty for me to ever feel alone or unloved-
Thank you for the amazing people of God that you have put in my life

Keep them close to your heart, oh Lord

May I always aim to be a blessing to them

And to let them know whenever possible how much of a blessing they are to me.

Lord make me quick to listen and slow to speak

That I could be for them what they have so often been for me.

Give me ears to listen

And wise, soft words to speak.

Lord you are close to the broken hearted

And you know those relationships that are strained right now.

Bring healing and restore peace to that which was not too long ago filled with joy, love, and closeness

You are able to do immeasurably more than I can fathom, oh God

I know this to be true

not my will, but yours be done.

Thank you for music, my Lord and my God.

It is an amazing blessing given to us by you.

Your heavenly angels sang to announce your birth

How can I keep from singing?
Thank you for the gift of a musical heart

And for the outlet that it provides for me

It reminds me of you, Lord, music does-

I cannot see it but it fills me up

Just as you are invisible, but your benefits fill me to the brim and then some.

Thank you for your Word

I don’t mean to put this so far down the list-

But you- God- unimaginable, unthinkable, unfathomable-

God

you speak to us in your Holy Word

In books that collect dust

And prop up chairs

Sanctify me in the truth- your word is truth

Give me a thirst for the truth and make me always consciously aware of your Spirit living inside of me

Cause Him to stir within me the desire to serve you with gratitude and honor you with everything I think, say, and do

Make my words and desires actions.

Thank you, Lord.

There is so much beauty in this world, Precious Redeemer-

The mountains. Oh, the mountains...

The oceans

Flowers that boom in season

Vegetables and fruits in their brilliant colors

The awesome muscular frames of tigers and panthers

The stripes of a zebra

The antlers of a moose

The gentle eyes of a horse

The songs of the robins

The enormity of a whale

The breathtaking sunsets

The films that cause tears

And the paintings that cause one to stand in pensive silence

The perfect symmetry of the human body

And the striking beauty of deep blue eyes

Orchestras that cause goose bumps

And the amazing worlds that CGI can take us

The thrill of a roller coaster

And the ability to savor memories through pictures

All these things are from you, Lord

And we are not able to express our gratitude.

Thank you for the internet

Where people can support and pray and share in joy and heartbreak

Where we can stay connected

Face to face

In real time.

And forgive us for the wretched use of such a wonderful gift, oh Righteous Judge.

Thank you for:

Jokes

Stories

Books

Songs

Games

Scrabble

Laughing

Pumpkin pie scented candles

Guitars

Memory foam beds

Live streaming tv shows

Blogs

Walks

Bros

Cars

Mousetraps

Secretaries

Quotes

Trivia

Medicine

Icebergs

Juicers

The post office

Roommates

Retreats

Trampolines

Camps

Camp counselors

Campfires

Camp directors

Democrats

Republicans

People who want to make money

People who want to give money away

Police and firemen

Military personnel

Our leaders and lawmakers

Safety

Freedom

Churches

Gyms

Schools

Vespers

Teachers

Pastors

Professors

Encouragers

Those who are hard to love

Hugs

A good pair of blue jeans

Track pants

Inner peace- the kind that only comes from you

Uncertainty- because it makes me realize you are changeless

Pilot Uniball Micro 207 pens: Best. Ever.

College degrees

iPods

Amazon Mp3

Nashville

MacBooks

Jr vs Sr night with Tim

Coaches

Love

Wool socks

I just fell asleep for a second, so I’m going to wrap this up, Big Guy.

You are good.

You are holy.
I am a sinner in need of a savior.

Use me, God. use me.

Thank you for loving me, Abba.

Keep us steadfast in your Word.

Keep them safe- the ones you put in my life

Build around them a hedge of protection from the assaults of the evil one.

May my value be found the price you paid for me

And my wholeness be always rooted solely in you.

Day by day, your mercies, Lord, attend me,

bringing comfort to my anxious soul.

Day by day, the blessings, Lord, you send me

draw me nearer to my heav’nly goal.

Love divine, beyond all mortal measure,

brings to naught the burdens of my quest;

Savior, lead me to the home I treasure,

where at last I’ll find eternal rest.

Day by day, I know you will provide me

strength to serve and wisdom to obey;

I will seek your loving will to guide me

o’er the paths I struggle day by day.

I will fear no evil of the morrow,

I will trust in your enduring grace.

Savior, help me bear life’s pain and sorrow

till in glory I behold your face.

Oh, what joy to know that you are near me

when my burdens grow too great to bear;

oh, what joy to know that you will hear me

when I come, O Lord, to you in prayer.

Day by day, no matter what betide me,

you will hold me ever in your hand.

Savior, with your presence here to guide me,

I will reach at last the promised land.

In your mercy, Lord, hear my prayer.

A-Men

2011-11-22T11:07:00.000-06:00

For whatever reason, Tuesday is quote day.
Yesterday I asked my buddy (via text) if he had time to hang out before he left for his next tour. He replied in such a kind way I almost shed a tear. A simple "sorry I don't have time, but I'll see you next month" was expected, but instead I received words of encouragement and affirmation. It was awesome.
This morning I came across this quote-

“Here’s something you can do right now, right where you are, and you don’t even need a book to show you how: when that next person walks into your office, calls you on the phone, or sends you an email, stop to seriously ponder the question, “Why am I glad this person is on the planet?”
When you have the answer to that question, take it from your mind, put it into words, and give those words to that person.”
- Trey Pennington

I think I'm going to try that. I now know first hand the boost it can give. After all, as Plato said: “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Project 2012

2011-11-19T01:59:00.001-06:00

So, as both of my readers know, this started out as a blog every day project waaaaay back in 2010... man, times were simpler then, weren't they? Well, one thing that I have now that I didn't then is a very lovely smart phone that I have a deep and probably unhealthy affection for...
Be that as it may, it has a really awesome camera on it AND i was able to find an app that allows me to instantly send pictures to a blog- so I've been toying with an idea for a while--

My NEW project will be taking one picture a day for 365 days. I'm not going to start on New Years as I did this bla(h)g, rather I will start on Thanksgiving Day- That way the wonderfulness that often accompanies the holidays can be the way it starts.

I've made a couple of rules:
-One Pic a day everyday.
-It can be of any subject matter, it just has to be taken by me.
-No repeats unless the subject has significantly changed (for instance mold growing on a sandwich or the state of my office disarray)
-Only 2 pics of food a week... (haha I know this sounds silly, but often the most exciting part of my day is my culinary concoctions.)
-Only 1 quote pic a week. (You'll see what I mean. Inappropriate quotes were noticed by a dear friend... whom I miss dearly... a year or so ago and so now whenever I spot them I can't help but take a picture. Once you see them you too will be addicted to spotting them... you're welcome)
-I will keep the "retro" pics to a minimum. There might be times in which a pic of yesteryear is poignant for my day and so I will post it.

OK- you can keep up with this little marathon at: http://historyinpixels.tumblr.com/
I'm still going to keep this one up, and I'm sure there will be some crossover in bla(h)gs, so fret not. :) Regardless, I'm grateful to you for following me on this journey and I'd love it if you'd follow me on this next one! Excelsior!!

God Made You Special

2011-11-19T01:38:00.000-06:00

My buddy Randall made a fantastic kid's album called Slugs & Bugs: Under Where?
It is really solid.
Here is a sweet lullaby from the album. enjoy.

hmmmm

2011-11-15T00:08:00.000-06:00

I don't know what happened to Tuesdays with Buechner... well, that's a lie, I do know what happened to it- I ran out of quotes and I haven't had the time (or desire, really) to read another of his books. I have a couple more, but they're like 12 or 13 on the list....
BUT I was reading some stuff by an interesting fellow named Dr. Peter Kreeft. He's a professor of philosophy at Boston College... pretty impressive! He's also a pretty wonderful apologist. I don't know how much of his worldview I share, but I do enjoy this quote:
"The Resurrection sharply distinguishes Jesus from all the other religious founders. The bones of Abraham and Muhammad and Buddha and Confucius and Lao-tzu and Zoroaster are still here on earth. Jesus' tomb is empty. The existential consequences of the resurrection are incomparable. It is the concrete, factual, empirical proof that: life has hope and meaning; 'love is stronger than death'; goodness and power are ultimately allies, not enemies; life wins in the end; God has touched us right where we are and has defeated our last enemy; we are not cosmic orphans, as our modern secular worldview would make us."

good stuff- you can actually read his book for free here (how cool is that??):

just call me Mr. Knight

2011-11-11T01:26:00.000-06:00

wellp- today was my first day of coaching JV girls bball at my alma mater. Between you and me, I'm very overwhelmed. I really wavered on taking the job, but after seeking the advice and the encouragement of several coach friends that I have, I decided to take the leap. I'm not at total rookie. I've run camps and I've had 3 middle school teams... I figure that strengths are the ability to inspire, my knowledge of the fundamentals, and my willingness to be patient with this young team. But I'm nervous about running a practice. There's so much to coaching that I just feel ill-prepared for. I don't have a lot of plays in my back pocket and I just don't have the knack for drills that the coaches I admire have. I will... all in good time.... Today, we made first cuts today and one girl cried... heartbreaking...
Alas, everyone that I've shared my concerns with have been very supportive and the girls are down right pumped to be on my squad. I hope they're as enthusiastic come January. My biggest thing is maintaining their confidence in me, you know? I hate the thought of people sitting around saying, "He has no idea what he's doing..." ugh.
I feel good about the team, though. We're young, but we have decent size and a lot of speed. We can run the fast break with ease, which is nice and we should out rebound every opponent... so, we'll see... I'm just glad to have something to tackle. This is a big challenge- one that will take a lot of work on my part- lots of research and preparation. Not to mention time management and organization. Most of all, this will require patience and stamina. Its a 22 game season. Every week night is booked until the middle of March. Talk about a marathon. But I'm pumped. Also, I hate losing. Especially if I know we're the better team. Hopefully that will translate into wins. I haven't been on the winning side of many teams in my life, so I have the intense desire to turn that tide. I just really want to prove myself worthy of this position that I'm honored to hold. Winning is only half of it- personal growth from myself and my players is the other important piece...If you had fun, you won... right? :)

As of today we have a perfect season. Here's to keeping the perfection alive...
I'll keep you posted.

The sweetest part so far is the awesome team polo shirt I got. :)
I love team apparel.

gts.

stained.

2011-11-07T01:01:00.001-06:00

in recent news, a former skinhead named Bryon Widner has turned his life around. The evidences of his former sins of racism, however, were plastered all over his body in tattoos that clearly indicate his past. His sins are externally visible and he hated it. He would do anything to get rid of them and forgo his former lifestyle. His face, covered in tattoos with racist hate, was his greatest challenge and evidence of who he used to be. He wanted the tattoos gone. He was no longer that man. He even went as far as to consider taking acid and burning his face to beyond recognition to get rid of them. He would do anything.

Well, fortunately he didn't have to burn them off with acid. A kind donor offered to pay the $35,000 repeated tattoo removal surgeries. Bryon underwent 25 extremely painful laser surgeries over a period of 16 months to completely rid himself of his past which haunted his face everywhere he went. The procedures became so painful with burning, blistering, and severe swelling that Bryon had to be put under general anesthetic rather than being kept awake.

Ultimately, Bryon's surgeons successfully removed all the tattoos on his face and neck, leaving his face clean and without evidence of his former life. Though the rest of his body remains covered in ink, Bryon is slowly covering up his other racist tattoos as he is able. Check it out:

You can read an extensive article here And check out the promo for the MSNBC special that aired this past summer- you can see some of the pain he had to endure-

This whole story has my mind racing. What a picture of redemption, you know? It reminds me of the real-life version of the powerful Edward Norton movie American History X.
I wonder what it would be like if every time we sinned it was like a facial tattoo. I wonder if- knowing the pain- we'd be like... ok this one's not that bad... I can work with it... but then we'd do something or run our mouths or fall into something terrible and then we'd have to beg and borrow money and hope that it was enough to get rid of that REALLY bad stain... Can you imagine the miserable existence that life would be if we had to go through that pain and torture to remove them? What a world that would be.
And yet, in the spiritual sense deserve to that pain. We deserve to have our sins laid bare for all to see. For our insecurities and shortcomings to be tattooed on our foreheads and knuckles. We should have to go through surgeries and blisters and torment in order to attempt to make them fade. But we couldn't even come close. Even after 25,000 procedures our sins would be just as crimson and numerous and bright. No, when it comes to our hearts, there is no removal by worldly means.

Thanks be to God that our sin is cleaned by the righteousness of Jesus. It wasn't $35,000, nor was it pain-free. It cost Jesus His life by way of a humiliating criminal's death. But for us it was a free gift. Because of God's unimaginable grace and mercy that is beyond our understanding, our sins aren't tattooed on our foreheads for all to see, nor do we have to suffer and grit our teeth in pain in order for them to be removed. No. Jesus blood wiped them clean and removed them as far as the east is from the west.
But oh how we try to be noble and proud and manly. We try so hard to "do the right thing" and make plans for us to rid ourselves of our sin. It seems as if its all to easy-
look at the cross and my sins are gone? no way!
I have to do SOMETHING!
What I did, it caused pain:
Feelings were hurt
Expectations weren't met
Friends were let down
Love wasn't shown
Grace wasn't given
Words cut deep
I have to pay for this!!
God, hurt me! Make me blister like the words I fire off blister the hearts of those I spew anger toward
make me cringe like the people I leave in my wake cringe when i let them down
make me cry like those whom I fail to love cry
I have to do something to atone for this, God... right?

No.

Jesus paid it all.
all to Him I owe-
sin had left a crimson stain
He made it white as snow.

Wow. Not to say there aren't scars. We are sometimes left to deal with the messy situations that we make when we're left to our own designs.
But the sin, the guilt, the aftertaste- all of it was removed from my inmost being when my Savior bled and died.
He took it all.
How silly I must look to God when I try to do my own surgery. When I find the acid of the world in the attempt to remove my own stains. How offensive it must be to the Almighty to hang on to guilt and shame even though He is willing and able to shoulder all of it. How sad it must be for Him to see me limit my view of the creator of the world by holding back and not allowing Him to have everything-
to have...
me.

He does have me. He has me in the grip of His nail-marked hands. And even though I think that I can keep things from Him, I can't. He knows me in the secret, in my quiet place- and even though He sees that- the deep, dark, dungeon of the pits of my soul- He sees the worst yet He STILL loves me.
Even though I deserve a million times the pain that Bryon had to go through to remove his stains, I've been given robe of salvation.
So now, just as Bryon has a whole new lease on his stain-free life, how much more should we, as bought-back children of God live each and every day filled to the brim with inexpressible joy knowing that no one- not even God- can see our stains anymore because we are clothed in the sinless blood of the spotless lamb.
Wow.

it took seeing a skinhead's tattoos for me to realize that.

Lord come quickly.

a little comic relief...

2011-10-27T00:06:00.002-05:00

Man, I don't know why this makes me laugh so hard, but I am crying as I watch it. SO dumb... but SO funny.
enjoy. :)

Beloved.

2011-10-24T01:07:00.003-05:00

I read in the news today that more than 285 Indian girls whose names mean "unwanted" have chosen new names for a fresh start in life. They were given names like "Nakusa" or "Nakushi," which mean "unwanted" in Hindi, because families often go into debt arranging marriages and paying for elaborate dowries. A boy, on the other hand, will one day bring home a bride and dowry. Hindu custom also dictates that only sons can light their parents' funeral pyres.

Activists say the name "unwanted," which is widely given to girls across India, gives them the feeling they are worthless and a burden. "When the child thinks about it, you know, 'My mom, my dad, and all my relatives and society call me unwanted,' she will feel very bad and depressed," said Sudha Kankaria of the organization Save the Girl Child. Some girls chose to name themselves after Bollywood stars such as "Aishwarya" or Hindu goddesses like "Savitri." Some just wanted traditional names with happier meanings, such as "Vaishali," or "prosperous, beautiful and good." (read the full article here)

Wow. Can you imagine being called unwanted each and every day of your life? How terrible! Moreover, can you imagine being a parent, looking at your little baby, and say, "You are Unwanted!"? unbelievable.  But how amazing is it that a girl who went by the moniker Unwanted for a decade is now known as Beautiful or Prosperous or Good? Talk about a new lease on life! To be called Beautiful each and every day must feel good. To be called Good makes us feel good. To be called Prosperous ignites the fire to continue to work hard. There is power in our names.

I couldn't help but think of this in Biblical terms. God has much to say about our names. There are several lists of names throughout scripture. God gave Adam and Eve their names directly, and instructed the parents of Ishmael and Issac, John the Baptist, and Jesus (among others), to give their children their respective names. The names of Jacob's sons are really painful. Leah was quite the unappreciated housewife it seems. A sampling:

She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”
“Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.
“Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi
“I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won.” So she named him Naphtali.
“What good fortune!” So she named him Gad. (I like that one!) 
“How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” So she named him Asher. 
“God has rewarded me for giving my maidservant to my husband.” So she named him Issachar. 
“God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun.

The One, who when Samson's dad asked what His name was responded with, "It is beyond understanding" is also in the business of re-naming folks. He gave new names to Abram and Sarai, Jacob, and Saul. But He also gives us new names.
We were never Unwanted, per se, but we were Doomed, Empty, Broken, Lost, Hopeless, Chaotic, Wandering, and Enemy, to name a few. We didn't get to chose our new name, however. This re-branding was all God. He had mercy on us and sent His Son to do what we could never do. He gave hope to Hopeless, brought Enemy into His fold, made straight the path of Wondering and Lost, healed Broken, calmed Chaotic, overfilled Empty, and saved Doomed. By grace through faith we have dropped the undesirable names that Satan himself has given us and instead we have all been given one simple, powerful, mind-blowing, life-altering name by our loving Creator.

He calls us, Beloved.

Eugene Peterson's paraphrase of Hosea says that God will, "call nobodies and make them somebodies; I'll call the unloved and make them beloved."

We have a new name! Just like the girls in India are no longer Unwanted, we are no longer Unloved. We are Beloved. I need to be reminded of that so often. I shamefully forget that I am washed in the blood of the Lamb, and God no longer sees my shortcomings, but rather He sees my Savior. I forget that sometimes and I live like Wandering instead of Beloved. Forgive me Lord. Thank you for making me Beloved, not because I earned or deserve it in the least, but because you are love, and you bestowed your love upon me through your perfect Son. Let me never forget my name, Lord. Let me always live as Beloved.

Because He Lives

2011-10-20T16:43:00.000-05:00

uprooted

2011-10-18T01:44:00.002-05:00

yep its been a while. I don't think there are too many people too upset about that, but since I have this here piece of the interwebs, I might as well use it, aye? It has been a strange several months for me. I've been inundated by a cloud listlessness and confuddledness. I find myself unrooted and waffling... not fun.
I've tried and tried to get to the core of this general discontent, but can't quite put my thumb on it. I think some of it is my goal for the past 11 years has been a BA and now I finally have it... so... now what? I think I lost my person and I still don't know how or why. I think some of it is 7 years in the same spot and the itch to move on wants to be scratched. I think some of it is I lost the ones in whom I could confide and rely on... and I don't exactly know how to begin to replace those losses. I think I made a plan and reality isn't really in line with that plan so I'm a tad bewildered as to what to do and where to go. I think the language change is just so heartbreaking I can't think properly. I think I just don't know, and knowing if half the battle... so if I don't know, half the battle is lost... Oh GI Joe, how you vex me! :) (you probably don't understand, but it made me laugh...)

So I'm putting all my eggs in the grad school basket. Its not just school- no! its a fresh start, a new perspective, a new lofty, nearly impossible goal. New place, new people, new ideas, new energy, new challenges, new opportunities, new community, new world. But man, what if I don't get in? what if i can't figure out what to do with my house? what if its all too much new? these things... these keep me up at 1:39 am.
I know. I know! Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. I know, people, I know. And I'm trying... but what does trust look like? Is applying for grad school not trusting God? Is wanting something new relying on my own understanding? Is considering all my options and feeling helpless if this option falls through acknowledging Him? Is feeling loneliness and emptiness being un-Christian? I feel like I don't even know how to trust that I'm trusting well enough... I'm just... I feel like this:

roots up in the air for all to see- exposed and wilting. Sometimes you see trees that are prone to falling over and they have those stakes supporting them... those stakes are missing and I'm left uprooted. But that isn't necessarily bad. This picture is all artsy and the tree is dead... BUT if you uproot a tree, it can be re-planted! Maybe this waffling is to prepare me for a transplant. Maybe this stirring of my soul is to create a desire to grow elsewhere rather than maintain a deep-rooted attachment to a place that I need to move on from. maybe...

I'm fully confident that this will all be clear to me at some point in the not-too-distant-future. The Good Lord has been so good to me and His faithfulness is unfailing. I know this! I just get frazzled when I'm in the cloudiness of my limited, sinful understanding. Its like people of Minnesota who freak out in the dead of winter about the snow and the cold and the dark. They act like they've never been in February before and they think that maybe, for the first time ever it will literally never be sunny and 80 ever again. But sure enough, that springtime sun comes and melts the snow and before you know it they're tan and flip-flopped and that snow is a mere faded memory.
I know the snow will melt, I just get frustrated when my weak heat lamp of a brain fails to do the job. I just gotta wait for the Sun... (mull that metaphor over for a bit... it'll make sense eventually)

As I lay uprooted, its important to keep them well-watered lest they grow dry and die. So I drink all the more deeply from the well of the Living Water-
Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Thank you, Lord for your patience despite my pettiness, for your grace despite my grumbling, and your love despite my listlessness. Make your will my will, oh God. Increase in me and help me decrease so that you will be all the more glorified in my every thought, word, and action. Lord come quickly.

2011-10-10T00:21:00.002-05:00

“Our identity rests in God's relentless tenderness for us revealed in Jesus Christ.”
― Brennan Manning

wow.

2011-10-09T02:01:00.002-05:00

this is love, man... amazing.

Spurgeon on Psalm 121

2011-10-05T00:21:00.002-05:00

What we as sinful human beings need is help,—help powerful, efficient, constant: we need a very present help in trouble. What a mercy that we have it in our God. Our hope is in the Lord, for our help comes from him. Help is on the road, and will not fail to reach us in due time, for he who sends it to us was never known to be too late. The Lord who created all things is equal to every emergency; heaven and earth are at the disposal of him who made them, therefore let us be very joyful in our infinite helper. He will sooner destroy heaven and earth than permit his people to be destroyed, and the perpetual hills themselves shall bow rather than he shall fail whose ways are everlasting. We are bound to look beyond heaven and earth to him who made them both: it is vain to trust the creatures: it is wise to trust the Creator.

humph.

2011-09-29T12:10:00.001-05:00

I know you all have been waiting on the edge of your seat to find out if I've EVER mastered the art of fried Plantains... (See: here and here)

well... I tried again today- this time the texture was spot on- I had to wait 3 weeks for them to turn totally black- but the flavor was all wrong. Oh plantains, why do you vex me so? Do you turn bitter if you over-ripen? Do you need brown sugar? Why plantains, why? Also, why is the internet totally devoid of plantain information? Seriously. I can find out what shoes Jessica Simpson wore to the Emmy's in 2002 but I can't find out how to properly fry a plantain? just ain't right, man... just ain't right.

Update- The Simpson thing has proven to be just as illusive... it just isn't my day..

Asleep

2011-09-26T22:30:00.000-05:00

My buddy Marc is blowing up right now and that is so awesome, but even more awesome is this song he covers by Keith Green. WOW. I had never heard it until yesterday and now I can't stop listening. good stuff.

Tuesdays with Buechner!!

2011-09-13T23:30:00.000-05:00

Today's Buechner quotes are acutally not Buechner at all, but rather Henri Nouwen. Why, you ask? Why not I say! :)
Enjoy!!

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.”

“Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it.”

God as a House and a Pilot. Or: Two About a Storm.

2011-09-12T15:58:00.000-05:00

I started writing one, and then it turned into two... SO here are two thoughts about storms... un-original as they may be...

I don't know if they still do this, but it used to be that in farm towns students would be given a "storm house" that was close to their school in the event that a blizzard occurs and traps them in town. Rather than having parents risk life and limb to come into town and pick up their children, or getting the buses stuck in the drifts, the kids would simply go to a house nearby and weather the storm safely there. It really is an ingenious idea that arose out of necessity, no doubt as I've seen first hand the blinding misery that blowing snow causes.
I think it would be really fun to have a storm house. All school year you knew the house that you would go to if the storm hits rendering you stranded at school. Maybe you didn't know the people who lived there, but you walked by the place a couple of times- just so you know how to get there. While it would be better if the big one never hit, you knew you had a save place to stay if it did. Never would you have to sleep on a science table or on the wrestling mat. You had a warm house with good food and a comfy bed in which to seek refuge if the weather outside turned frightful. What a comfort that must have been to the families who lived in the outlying areas. Country storms are no joke, and driving in them is an act white-knuckled heroism to be sure. But to know that their kids would be safe in the storm must be a wonderful relief. I really hope some communities still have storm houses, because it is a fantastic idea.
I think of my storm house. When the storms of doubt and disaster hit. The winds of worry and the hail of haughtiness swirl around me. The green skies of heartbreak and the thunder and lightning of jealousy assail. I sometimes run around in the storm- looking for shelter in houses that are full or uninterested: friends who don't care to listen, or inward reflection that only produces more side aches and emptiness. For these kinds of storms, I need only run to my storm house. Proverbs 18:10- "The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." Only Jesus can take away worry, pride, heartbreak, and sadness. Only Jesus can give comfort to the broken and peace to the restless. Only Jesus took away our sin. Only Jesus gives us Heaven. He is our strong tower- our storm house. When Satan huffs and puffs, he can't even make a dent. We run to Jesus and we are safe. Oh how foolish we must look running around trying to dodge the rain drops and keep our hair pretty in the wind. Why do we venture out on our own? Lord do you get tired of us constantly running away and then back to you?
No. Thanks be to God that He is good and His mercy endures forever. He is our storm house- He tells us to call upon Him in the day of trouble and He will deliver us. He says to come to Him as weak and heavy burdened children because He'll give us rest. He says He's our storm house and when we see the clouds billowing on the horizon we need only seek refuge in His alimighty, all-loving arms.
Thank you Jesus!

When I am alone
When I am alone
Oh, when I am alone
Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus
Give me Jesus
You can have all this world
Just give me Jesus

-------------------
Last week I flew threw a storm. I've flown over a storm before and I've been grounded because of a storm, but never have I flown through a storm. But last Monday I did. There was no beverage service and the fasten seat belt sign was never unlit. It was 68 minutes of up and down side to side flying. All I could see was grey out of the window and there was time when rain drops seemed like they would never end. It was pretty unnerving. I would have much rather been sitting in the terminal waiting for it to pass, but nonetheless here I was in the middle of a pretty big Arizona desert storm. I took solace in the fact that the pilots had all the latest technology and instruments at their disposal and if they thought it was safe enough to fly through, then who am I to second guess them? I would say there are fewer moments in the 21st century American's life that require more trust than when one is flying. Think about it. We are in control of almost every aspect of our lives, but when you fly, you buckle up shoot up to 30,000 feet and trust. You trust the plane, the airline company's background checks, the flight school's training, the pilot's diligence, the technology's functionality, the air traffic controller, the security measures, the reliably that the mask will indeed inflate when it is filled with oxygen, and undoubtedly 55 other factors. That's a lot of trust! But millions of people every day make it to their destinations without a single hiccup. Its amazing! The things that we trust have proven time and time again their trustworthiness, so we are silly to second guess them in most instances. Certainly, even in the midst of an hour long storm, I was never in danger. The ride was a bit bumpy, but the pilot had it well in hand. His job was to get me safely to PHX, my job was to sit back, buckle up, keep my tray in the upright/lock position, and trust.
I think you know where this is going...
The storms of life seem bumpy and rough and gray, but the Pilot has it well in hand. God has proven time and time again His trustworthiness, so who are we to doubt the Almighty? What He ordains is always good- so even though the storms come and the winds blow, He is in full control. We are safely wrapped in His nail-marked hands. Our sins are forgiven, Heaven is our inheritance, and the peace that passes all understanding is ours through our Savior Jesus. He gave us His Holy Spirit to get us safely home to Heaven, so we need only trust that He is greater than we. Storms come and go- they flare up and whip and blow- but God is forever. He who calmed the wind and the waves took away our sin and guilt, and He invites us to come as weak and wounded sinners because in Him there's rest.
Hallelujah!

2011-09-12T14:38:00.001-05:00

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. -Lucius Annaeus Seneca

booked it

2011-09-12T00:18:00.001-05:00

I finished a book recently that was very wonderful. It's called Ragman and it's by Walt Wangerin. It is a collection of stories and hymns a prayers that are really powerful. If you have a second, check out this chapter- one of my favorites- called "Killing in the Little Cuts".
Very good stuff. http://tinyurl.com/littlecuts
OH bummer! I just realized that the last 2 pages of the story aren't included in that link... grr. Well, buy the book. It's a dollar on Amazon. You won't regret it. When I have some time, I'll type out and then react to this story- because I think its really important- the whole "its not about me" mentality... and its a struggle because you're inviting people to use you as a doormat if you are only concerned with others and neglect yourself and your own feelings... anyway, more on that later.

daily bread

2011-09-08T01:01:00.000-05:00

Today I made some lovely whole wheat-honey-agave nectar bread. It was my first try, and it turned out ducky, just ducky! Even after I put in Baking Soda instead of yeast... I got my jars mixed up... oops... It still worked- in fact it is quite tasty and delicious. Thanks $20 Ebay breadmaker! We're going to be good friends, I can tell.
Its pretty cool to be able to create every aspect of my diet and know exactly what I'm consuming... well, I'm not sure what baking soda is... and I have no clue how it differs from baking powder, but I know that I unintentionally ate 1 1/4 tablespoons of one of them, and that's something... right? Oh, also, one of them makes volcanoes when combined with vinegar and red food coloring... that's awesome.

Tuesdays with Buechner!!!!

2011-09-06T17:32:00.000-05:00

"Turn around and believe that the good news that we are loved is better than we ever dared hope, and that to believe in that good news, to live out of it and toward it, to be in love with that good news, is of all glad things in this world the gladdest thing of all.
Amen, and come Lord Jesus."

"If we are to love our neighbors, before doing anything else we must see our neighbors. With our imagination as well as our eyes, that is to say like artists, we must see not just their faces but the life behind and within their faces. Here it is love that is the frame we see them in."

A Need to Breathe

2011-09-04T23:51:00.001-05:00

Think you need a day of rest? You're right
Article by: ELECTA DRAPER , Denver Post

The brain is a machine that needs downtime.
Americans have become so averse to being unproductive that many have trouble waiting in line, riding in an elevator or stopping at a traffic light without simultaneously reading, texting or talking into some device.
Psychologists, ministers, scientists and even politicians are urging revival of the ancient concept of Sabbath -- a sanctuary in time. And it's not just for the religious.
Wayne Muller, therapist and minister, works with chronically stressed people who know they need to slow their pace -- clergy, doctors, educators, social workers, parents and so on -- but they find it so difficult to step back from their work that they desperately seek permission to rest.
Muller points out that no less an authority on people than God gave permission for an entire day of rest every week. "It's not just permission, it's a commandment."
It's the commandment people most frequently blow off, Muller said, but it's the one that scripture explicitly refers to more than the other nine commandments combined.
Religion aside, psychologists and neurobiologists are learning that, if the Sabbath didn't exist, it would be more necessary than ever to invent it.
A constant flow of information and a perpetually busy state interfere with our ability to think and make decisions, scientists say.
Angelika Dimoka, director of the Center for Neural Decision Making at Temple University, studies how the brain processes information. Her research has found that, as the flow of information increases, activity increases in the region of the brain responsible for decisions and control of emotions -- but only up to a point.
Flood the brain with too much information, and activity in this region suddenly drops off. This center for smart thinking not only doesn't increase its performance, it checks out.
Boulder, Colo., psychologist Joan Borysenko works with busy executives who fear taking time off each day or week will break their stride in their high-achieving lives.
"A lot of people I know can't take a full day off. They are anxious the whole time. Their minds are racing," said Borysenko, author of "Fried: Why You Burn Out and How to Revive."
But when people take time to quiet down the left brain, to forget about to-do lists and to unplug from more input, she said, solutions often percolate up from the subconscious.
"The history of creativity is filled with stories like this," Borysenko said. "A few days of not thinking about a problem, then the answer simply appears."

Original Link: http://www.startribune.com/nation/129241828.html

The Vine

2011-09-02T09:12:00.002-05:00

the guys from Koine have a new album. Its good. very good. Do yourself a favor and buy it.
Here's my favorite song right now...

2011-09-01T11:11:00.001-05:00

¹ You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain. Ps 139.

The "too lofty for me to attain"...
Some things are meant to be a wonder and not fully understood or grasped. It's just too lofty - too impossible for the created to understand. How limited the Creator would be if His creation fully understood His ways.
It is fun though - to ponder and discuss... Maybe that is partly what pulls us closer to God - because, like small children, we don't understand, but we trust as He navigates us through life as we, as his dearly loved kiddos trotting along side Him, cling to His finger because His hand is too big for ours to fit around...

Tuesdays with Buechner!!!!

2011-08-30T19:10:00.000-05:00

I almost forgot! Check out this cool little java script gem:

Solid Declaration

2011-08-29T15:43:00.001-05:00

hmm... post #400. Nice.
I love being a Lutheran for so many reasons. I'm not talking the cheeky, stereotypical, give a chuckle reasons either. In fact, I'm not the type of Lutheran who eats lefse, and I hate Sauerkraut so there goes those. I smile and don't mind clapping, so those are gone as well. No, I love being a Lutheran of the conservative ilk, because it means that I have been blessed to have been given and taught the proper understanding of God's Word. Yep, I'm going to say it. If you're not a (conservative) Lutheran, than you do not have a proper understanding God's Word. Namely, you misunderstand the sacraments and (probably) conversion. I'm not saying I'm better than you or that my tribe is greater than your tribe, I'm just saying that, quite frankly, you have been misled, thus you're missing out on a wonderful piece of God's overwhelming grace. I'm not saying we're perfect, far from it! But we as Lutherans have a scandalous and unique understanding of how God imparts His grace on His people, and I happen to believe that it is the truth.
I realize that sounds pompous and horribly haughty, but I know what I know. And, really, if I didn't know that Lutheranism = truth, then why would I be a Lutheran? If I thought the Baptist understanding of the sacraments was right, you'd hope I was a Baptist, right?
Anyway, this whole diatribe comes from a discussion we as a pastor staff were having this morning about the Lord's Supper and forgiveness. There are those among us that feel that we are merely reminded of our forgiveness as we partake, and those (like me) who believe that our sins are tangibly and actually forgiven with the consumption of the body and blood of our Savior. It was a great conversation because we are Lutherans! As Lutherans we have this AMAZING collection of our statements of belief called the Lutheran Confessions. I've always been one to roll my eyes when one speaks of the Confessions, but that was because I never dove into them. The truth is they are amazing in their eloquence and exposition of God's Word and, truth be told, they are completely unique in all of Christendom. What a blessing they are!
As I was reading the Confessions in regards to the Holy Supper, I came across this beautiful passage in SD VII, 69-71. Enjoy!

The true and worthy guests, for whom this precious sacrament above all was instituted and established, are the Christians who are in weak faith, fragile and troubled, and greatly terrified in their hearts by the immensity and number of their sins, and think that they are not worthy of this precious treasure and the benefits of Christ, and who feel the their weakness of faith and deplore it, and desire with all their hearts that they may serve God with stronger, more joyful and resolute faith and pure obedience.

As Christ says, (Matt. 11:28): Come unto Me, all who are weak heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Also (Matt. 9:12): Those who are well need not a physician, but those who are sick. Also (2 Cor. 12:9): God's strength is made perfect in weakness. Also ( Rom. 14:1&3 ): welcome those who are weak in faith.., for God has received him. And, for whosoever believes in the Son of God, be it with a strong or with a weak faith, has eternal life (John 3:15f). Moreover, worthiness does not depend upon great or small weakness or strength of faith, but upon the merit of Christ Jesus our Lord.

OK, so they really liked commas in the 16th century... But wow!

Lord, make me a true and worthy guest of your table May I always be weak and fragile before you and troubled by my sins. Not that they would burden or hinder me, but rather I would look at my filthy rags and I would always turn to you, leaving my weakness and sin at the empty tomb and be made whole and strong in your perfection. May I always desire to serve you with a stronger, more joyful and resolute faith, granted to me by the power of your Holy Spirit who is living within me. Thank you for giving me your body and blood in which I receive the forgiveness of sins, assurance of Eternity in Heaven, and the strengthening of my faith. In the name of your perfect and risen Son, Jesus I come to you, my rock and my redeemer.
A-men.

lotto!

2011-08-25T00:46:00.000-05:00

It is fantasy football season and I am kind of freaking out. I'm in four leagues this year and they're all very serious. Gone are the days of checking on my team from time to time and allowing the computer to draft for me. No, now I have all the research in front of me and I'm checking injury reports and mock drafts and all the websites for the latest news so that when I draft my team I pick the best guys. Its tough work! Certainly not for the faint of heart. There are some MAJOR bragging rights on the line! You never know how the people you choose will perform, so you have to know your stuff in order to pick reliable, consistent players. I have to make sure I pick the right guys lest my team is terrible and I spend 16 weeks of football bottom-dwelling and hearing about it from my opposition.

2 Thessalonians 2:13-14 says: But we ought always to thank God for you because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It seems to me that God didn't do His homework. If He was to have read the fantasy report on you and me, He would have seen that we are consistently rude, spiteful, lustful, prideful, unreliable, and downright unpleasant. There's no way that He would choose me. I don't bring anything to the table except my filthy rags and inadequacy. And yet, chose me He did! He took my dirty rags upon Himself and clothed me in the splendid robe of His glorious righteousness. He took my rudeness, spite, lust, pride, flightiness, and every other defiancy and He nailed them all to the cross. He CHOSE me. It wasn't because He didn't know me, or because He was unaware of my weakness. Rather it was because He DOES know me and He is FULLY aware of my weakness that He was nailed to a tree and chose me to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. He knew I was too weak to do it on my own, so He chose to suffer and die that I might live. Wow. Thank you Lord!

New stuff from Aaron Shust

2011-08-25T00:27:00.000-05:00

Tuesdays with Buechner!!!

2011-08-23T00:54:00.000-05:00

"I not only have my secrets, I am my secrets. And you are yours. Our secrets are human secrets, and our trusting each other enough to share them with each other has much to do with the secret of what it means to be human."

"Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It's the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too. "

sunday funday

2011-08-22T00:24:00.000-05:00

another year of church league softball finished tonight. Both games were decided by one run... well, we tied the last game... so lame. But man, softball is such good fun. I wish I had the athletic drive I have now back in high school... regardless, sunday nights in the summer I'm living the dream, baby!

Anyway, this is a big and busy week. Fall planning is in full effect and some of the things that I proposed were more or less adopted, so now it falls on me to follow through... sometimes I really need to keep my mouth shut. :) good times, though!
yep. big week.

most vexatious.

2011-08-21T01:17:00.000-05:00

wow. GRE vocab lists are categorically quixotic. To imbibe such lexeme is inanely absurd. It is incontrovertible to ruminate that I will recollect said lexeme or their morpheme once this assessment is concluded. Oiy.

clang a lang

2011-08-19T01:14:00.002-05:00

This isn't a well flushed-out thought, so forgive me, but I've been thinking about this and I wanted to get it out on paper... er... screen. I'll add it to my "work on later" list... anyway-
This past Sunday I had the privilege of cheering on some friends as they ran a mini-triathlon. I had a great time cheering on my favorite people ever at the TC marathon last year, and I'm doing the same for my roommate this year, so I jumped at the opportunity to once again rah rah rah for people who are attempting a feat that I would never even dream about doing. I respect their drive and determination. BIG TIME! and it is really fun to see the look of relief and sheer elation when it's all over. Honestly, they are genuinely fun experiences.
Anyway, I was standing on the curb waiting for the first of our cheer recipients to pedal by when a guy my age and his two little kids settled next to me. The kids were cute and he was obviously supporting his wife. No big deal, right? Well the thing is about cheering for running events is people sometimes bring noisemakers. The family to my left brought cowbells. Like 10 of them. So every time someone rode in front of us, the kids would frantically shake their cowbells and cheer wildly for the sweating stranger swiftly speedy by. By the forty fifth minute, it had become almost nauseating. I, a mature and seasoned cheerer, opted for the more civilized cheer of "Go! good job ladies! Keep on pedaling!" (It was an all female race). I would yell this out randomly as I was carrying on a conversation with the rest of our cheering section. The cowbell kids made enough noise for the bulk of us.
Really we were all annoyed with the constant cowbell clattering, so when their mom rode by and they moved on to cheer for her elsewhere we were all relieved. But then something strange happened. We all started talking and sharing stories and we kind of stopped cheering at all. That's when a woman rode by and scolded us, "Hey! Make some noise!!" she clamored. (Full disclosure, I could have sworn she said, "Hey, my Illinois!," but I was assured she wanted us to support her). I was quickly reminded that I wasn't there for me and my conversation, rather I was there for the participants of this insane feat of physical strength and endurance. So I cheered with all the gusto of Sparky Polaski. It seems as if what had become annoying to us was sweet music to the strained ears of those actually exerting themselves.
After our riders had rode by we made our way to the finish line which is so much fun. People are going nuts and runners can't help but smile as there is a tunnel of people encouraging them on. Well, as luck would have it the cowbellers were right next to us again. This time it didn't really bother anyone because the whole crowed was going bananas. After their mom had finished- she had an amazing time- she ran over to them and give them a big, undoubtedly moist, hug and she looked her kids in the eyes and said, "thank you so much for shaking those cowbells and making so much noise! I could hear them and they made me go faster and faster!" or something to that extent. I was once again reminded that this cheering thing wasn't about me... it was about those swimming, biking, and running. And, in that regard, it is obvious that the cowbells work. There's a reason why corporations give them out at marathons, I suppose...
So, here are my thoughts on this. I want to be an encourager. I greatly admire people who, without even trying, are able to give that word of praise that just sends people over the moon. Who doesn't love that feeling? Its wonderful to be thought of and to know people who are thoughtful. I was paid a supremely high compliment a couple of weeks ago when someone I didn't really know came up to me and said that even though she didn't know me she liked me because I was good at encouraging kids to do their best. I don't know if that is true, per say, but I do indeed try to encourage. Sometimes its all I can do, you know? I can't run the marathon for you, but I can, and do, take real joy in cheering you on as you trot on by. Its the least I can do. And, when I remember that it's not about me, I think I do an OK job of cheering people on. But the thing is I don't want to be a cowbeller. I mean I don't want to be a cowbeller to the people that I'm trying to encourage. What I'm trying to say is I don't want to be annoying. It's a fine line, isn't it? I want people to know that I care and that I'm in their corner and I want them to succeed and have all their dreams come true, but if all I do is stand there and clang the cowbell... well, that encouragement falls on ringing, annoyed ears. Sometimes encouragement comes in rah rah rah's and sometimes it comes in a simple high five... I guess I just hope and pray I can always give the right kind of cheerleading... is that an odd concern?
As I write this, I don't know why it is such a big deal to me... but it really is. I guess I'm just very conscious of how I come off lately and I just don't want to annoy... I want to give love and support the way the people need to be loved and supported... which is often easier said than done.
I want to be a Timothy, who was sent to the Thessalonians to encourage them. I don't want to make this about me, but rather focus on those God has given me and lift them up as they race on by, you know? I think that's a pretty fantastic goal. So, Lord, I guess my prayer is may I be an encouraging cowbell ringer, not an annoying one. May you use me to inspire the attitude of that mom to her kids rather than the attitude that I had toward them. Yep, if one day people are sitting around drinking beers talking about the kind of guy I was... I think if I could choose what I'd like to be known for, it would be as an encourager. That would be pretty great. Now I need to get me a cowbell, baby!

Its a shame about ray

2011-08-19T00:14:00.001-05:00

ten points for anyone who knows the band who's album is this post's title...

So you know how I said I wanted some new tunes? Well, I revived my love of Ray LaMontange for the past couple of days... man he can sing. BUT, tonight as I was on my way to basketball I went up a couple of clicks on the ole iPod to Ray Boltz. Why not, right? I know he's now on the outs... literally... but back in the day he was a big deal. I still remember when my dad came home with his album Allegiance. He sat my mom and I down and played Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb at least twice. The whole album, however, is just really solid. For real. I've always had a place in my heart for it, and even though I've sung Pledge Allegiance no less than 9,000 times in my life, my favorite song on the album is The Anchor Holds. Its the last song of three called "The Storm". It starts with the up beat Set Sail talking about living life knowing God is in control, then there's an instrumental interlude that goes through a storm- building and chaotic- then calm. Then comes The Anchor Holds... It spoke to me tonight as it did back in '93 when I heard it for the first time. I am really glad God has made music such a major part of my life... I just can't imagine a tune-less existence. As Luther said (I think it was Luther...) after the Bible, music is God's greatest gift to His people, afterall, it is the only thing we can take with us to Heaven... well if Marty didn't say that, he should have, cuz it's genius! :)
SO, if I may... please enjoy The Anchor Holds... ALSO enjoy Ray Boltz's mullet. It is glorious.

I have journeyed through the long dark night,
Out on the open sea, by faith alone,
Sight unknown; and yet his eyes were watching me.

The anchor holds,
Though the ships been battered.
The anchor holds,
Though the sails are torn.
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas.
The anchor holds in spite of the storm.

I've had visions, I've had dreams;
I've even held them in my hand.
But I never knew they would slip right through,
Like they were only grains of sand.

The anchor holds,
Though the ships been battered.
The anchor holds,
Though the sails are torn.
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas.
The anchor holds in spite of the storm.

I have been young but I'm older now.
And there has been beauty these eyes have seen.
But it was in the night, through the storms of my life,
Oh, that's where God proved His love for me.

The anchor holds,
Though the ships been battered.
The anchor holds,
Though the sails are torn.
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas.
The anchor holds in spite of the storm.

I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas.
The anchor holds in spite of the storm.

gts

2011-08-17T00:53:00.000-05:00

man, tonight was a good hang! I sat and told post-high school stories with 2 guys that lived through some crazy times with me back in the day... I can't believe 1- how stupid I was in my early 20's and 2- how gracious God is that I didn't serve an extended sentence in jail... haha. Seriously though, we are blessed to be alive to tell some of those tales... good times.

I'm in a spot right now where I really, really desire community. Like I miss hanging out with people who are in the same stage in life as me- and don't have kids... that's a big caveat. I talk to people who have that community, that group and they find it at church. Well, my church doesn't have something like that. If I didn't work there, I could probably go somewhere else and find said community, but I do, so I can't.
BUT I DO work there... so perhaps I can create a growth group of folks in their mid 20's-mid 30's... that would be sweet... and yet, it's something I want to be a part of, not lead, and, since I'm on staff, even if one of the other rev's leads it, I'll still be looked to as some sort of leader... that might not be a bad thing, but its still a little... ugh. Ultimately, however, this is another tiny little piece of the pie that says, "Hey maybe you need to move on." ...or maybe its just a prompting to start something new that can impact people at your church... I'm sure I'm not the only one with this desire and few places to have it fulfilled... I just wish I could spend more time being ministered to, rather than doing the ministering... this, I fear, is the plight of the called worker. le sigh.

Tuesdays with Buechner

2011-08-16T11:11:00.000-05:00

This is my newest idea! Every tuesday will be Buechner quotes! Do you know what that means? It means I get to read lots of Buechner! Horray! Here's a couple I just came across:

“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.”

“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”

—	Frederick Buechner, Telling the Truth

swing set

2011-08-14T00:49:00.001-05:00

man i have this desire to bla(h)g... but I really have no topic. Odd, I know. I get sick of just rambling about my own schtuff, and I feel like if every thought I have is devotional, they just become the same sounding. So... what to write? Politics? no thanks. Sports? well, I'm a baseball fan and my Twins are doneskis for the season... really, the only bright spot in Minnesota sports is the Lynx are kicking butt... WNBA... oiy. The weather is nice. SO SO nice, in fact. I am not typically a summer lover, but this year it was quite wonderful. I can't count the times I just closed my eyes and looked to the sun allowing the heat and light to just cover over me. mmm. lovely.
Lets see... Oh, I more or less accidentally got a bread maker today. I bid the minimum bid on Ebay 3 days ago and it won... SO, I'm looking forward to some nice whole wheat goods. I have so many counter-top gadgets. I think my roommate is getting a tad sick of them. I have the Jack LaLane, the Ronco food dehydrator, I have a blender, and a hand mixer, battery operated mixing cups, a crock pot, and even a hot dog roller! I'm not going to lie, I'd love to have a magic bullet, but other than that I think I have everything I need. :) And, truth be told, I could get rid of the dehydrator. It isn't as awesome as I thought it would be. Ironically, it was one of the few things that wasn't stolen from my car back in January. Hmm, that made me think of a "year in review" type thing... this has been a pretty crazy year. Stay tuned for end of December highlights. :)
what else? good books? ah! Yes! I read a pretty sweet book about Mr. Rogers a couple of months ago, methinks I will write about it when I have my notes that I took... they're at my office currently. Currently, I'm reading a book about apologetics that uses stories to share the message. It is pretty stellar. I'm in a mood to change up my music again. That happens every 6 months or so... I think I need to get deeper in to country. I've never had this feeling before... haha.
OK OK for trying NOT to ramble, I just did... my apologies for wasting your time. Today was a very productive day and I'm grateful for it. Tomorrow will be lots of rah, rah, rah followed by yappin' capped off with some real live church league softball. Not a bad little Sunday. :)

Farmer Bob.

2011-08-12T04:19:00.058-05:00

I don't know what people did before blogs when they couldn't sleep, but this thing is my Lunesta sometimes, I tell ya... I have a hankering that this weekend will be important in the story of me, but I don't have too good of a feeling about it...
Regardless, a couple of days ago I collected 98% of my garden's harvest. We still have corn that I hope survives the attack from the mutant beans and a couple of peppers that are either dwarf or stunted, because they've not changed in 2 weeks...
Gardening is an AMAZING thing! I've never done it before and I am really bad at it, truth be told, but it is just a fascinating phenomenon! In fact, I really can't get over how awesome it is. I mean 3 months ago we put these teeny tiny seeds into the ground and now we eat them. I know this process has been going on for thousands of years, but it is the first time I've had a direct connection to the process and it is mind-blowing.
Gardening is teaching me things. More than anything else in recent memory, gardening has taught me how to trust. God invented this system of seeds growing fruit from the very beginning. It is nothing new. I had good seeds planted in phenomenal soil with plenty of sunshine and water, and yet I still doubted that things would grow. The plants looked too little and they took too long, or they were growing underground and all I saw was the green shoots that marked their rearing-ground.
I had to trust. Trust that the system is not broken, that God knew what he was doing when he made it up. I had to trust that the seeds had what they needed by means of nutrients and sunlight and that given some patience they would indeed grow into these amazing little vegetables that are sitting on my counter right now. I had to trust.
But man it is hard to trust. When the plants are small and the rain is so hard the wind blows through that field, certainly they are too weak to withstand that weather, certainly I need to do more- weed more, water more, watch them and talk to them more. But all my intervening did was make them more vulnerable to the elements (by washing away some soil and pulling out weeds too quickly) and sometimes I picked the veggies before they were ready- unripened jalapenos are no bueno. I had to trust. And because I finally did and I just let it go and just watered when it hadn't rained for a couple of days, I have some amazing vegetables to enjoy.
My life is a garden and the seeds of relationships and my future and my status quo- they are all in the fertile soil of God's loving arms. He knew me before I was born, and he knows the plans he has for me. So I have to trust. But man, that rain is hard and that wind is strong and there are so many things I can do to make that plan better, right? nope. I just gotta trust. Trust he knows whats best. Trust he is bigger than loneliness, uncertainty, and my own stupid attempts at blazing my own trail. Trust that I can only see a teeny tiny part of the big picture, but God knows all. Trust that He is the God of my life. I love him and he loves me immeasurably more. If he makes the pea pods sprout and the onions of my garden grow perfectly and according to plan, then how much more will he take care of me his dearly loved son? I believe the mantra of AnAnon is apt: "Let go and let God." His system works. His refiner's fire is a blessing and his plan is perfect. So I gotta shut up and just trust.

What God ordains is always good:
His will is just and holy.
As he directs my life for me,
I follow meek and lowly.
My God indeed
In every need
Knows well how he will shield me;
To him, then, I will yield me.

What God ordains is always good:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me in his own right way,
And never will he leave me.
I take content
What he has sent;
His hand that sends me sadness
Will turn my tears to gladness.

What God ordains is always good:
He is my friend and father;
He suffers naught to do me harm
Though many storms may gather.
Now I may know
Both joy and woe;
Someday I shall see clearly
That he has loved me dearly.

What God ordains is always good:
Though I the cup am drinking
Which savors now of bitterness,
I take it without shrinking.
For after grief
God gives relief,
My heart with comfort filling
And all my sorrow stilling.

What God ordains is always good:
This truth remains unshaken.
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
I shall not be forsaken.
I fear no harm,
For with his arm
He shall embrace and shield me;
So to my God I yield me.

Without Running Away

2011-08-07T10:16:00.001-05:00

JG sent me his new album a couple of days ago and it was truly a gift from God. All of Jason's albums have a theme, and while it wasn't his intention, his newest has the theme of brokenness. Needless to say it has spoken to me and his ministered to me like few other albums have. I am thankful for it and I am thankful that I can call such an amazingly talented man of God a friend.
My favorite song is called Without Running Away. The instrumentation is stunning but so are the words. In the liner notes (ALWAYS read Jason's liner notes!) he writes about this song:

Perhaps it’s too obvious that it was written during a dark season in my life. I’ve worried about whether or not it was appropriate to even include it on the record. But for those who might need a song like this, I hope it helps in some way to lighten the load. I risk including it here in hopes to encourage those in their own dark season to not give up. In the shadows you will find a hand you can trust - the hand of the high priest who understands you, a man of sorrows himself, well acquainted with grief, one who will not break a bruised reed.

So, please enjoy this feast for your eyes.

Without Running Away
by Jason Gray

I’ve spent some days looking

For a length of rope

And a place to hang it

From the end of my hope

But where I thought hope had ended

I always find a little bit more

It’s not like I’m trying

To be optimistic

If the truth be told

I’d rather dismiss it

And be free of the burden

Of the living that hoping requires

To bring my heart

To every day

And to run the risk of fearlessly loving

Without running away

Jesus is speaking

But it’s so hard to hear

When disciples with swords

Are cutting off ears

Broken and bleeding

I’m waiting for healing to come

But wounded is a part

I’ve learned to play well

Though the wound may run deeper

Than I know how to tell

Where pain’s an addiction

That keeps me buried alive

But when it’s all that I know

I’m afraid to leave it behind

My heart is not lifted up

My eyes are not lifted up

But calm and quiet is my soul

Like a babe with its mother is my soul

After awhile in the dark

Your eyes will adjust

In the shadows you’ll find

The hand you can trust

And the still small voice

That calls like the rising sun

"Come!"

So Jonas

2011-08-07T05:24:00.000-05:00

I just watched Camp Rock 2...
I was waiting up since I was asleep last week... turns out I shoulda slept...
ANYWAY, the movie touched me.
haha
For real, it really was pretty good and actually very apt.
Thanks Joe Bros!

All I can hope is that 4/13 #10 is still true...

3 hours till church...

inspo

2011-08-06T23:15:00.001-05:00

Garrison Keillor once said something to the extent of there's nothing a good walk can't fix; the severity of the problem determines the length of the walk. Well, I've been walking a lot lately. Really, I just enjoy the warm summer air, but being that I have an hour alone with my thoughts, my mind wanders and races. As such, I haven't taken to this here bla(h)g as much as I'd like, only because I work things out in my head and by the time I sit down to write them I'm tired and they've lost their edge...
Anyway, there are many walk-worthy things swirling in my world lately... so many things I wish I knew, words I'd like to say, letters I've written only in my head that will never be sent, allegorical stories that I will probably never tell... The fact is that I am mourning several losses currently and it just weighs heavily. I'm at the point where it seems as if there will never be resolution, like this knot will never untangle... but I've thought that before... so many times before. But, yet again, God is patient and gentle with me and he reminds me who he is and who I am... but still I walk and as I walk I remember to trust and I recall the memories and I pray to the rhythm of my steps. I miss these things that I've lost... or at least I feel as if I am losing. Pieces of me -some bigger than others, some far away, some coming back soon- are scattered around the earth... and, truth be told, the biggest piece is now buried below it... its a hard journey, man...
But God is good and He is close to the brokenhearted. He is working. I can see Him moving in the hearts of His people... Its a remarkable thing. It seems as if He's making His presence known to a lot of people around me, and they are being moved. Its awesome. God is awesome. So tonight I really miss the fliest of bros, but I rest in the gentlest of arms of the merciful-est of Saviors.

More Frederick Buechner Gems

2011-07-27T16:43:00.002-05:00

"Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It's the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too."

“With words as valueless as poker chips, we play games whose object it is to keep us from seeing each other’s cards. Chit-chat games in which ‘How are you?’ means ‘Don’t tell me who you are,’ and ‘I am alone & scared’ becomes ‘fine thanks.’ Games where the players create the illusion of being in the same room but where the reality of it is that each is alone inside a skin in that room.”

And All God's People Said...

2011-07-25T00:46:00.000-05:00

I know this is no new revelation or anything. But I, for the first time, began to read the Gospels from start to finish. It strikes me as odd that I've never done that before- maybe that makes me a poor Christian, I don't know, but when it comes to reading the Bible I either attack the Psalms or the Paulian letters. You see, when I sit down to read the Bible it is usually because I am sad and melancholy and I looking for some divine comfort. Psalms and Paul are chocked full of comfort and hope, thus I peruse their pages often.
Well, as I was sitting looking out at the Sawtooth mountains last week, I was indeed melancholy and quite blue so I dove into a Study Bible I found up in the councilor's lounge from the camp at which I was staying. For some reason, rather than going for the Psalms, and after going over Romans 8 (I always start w/ Romans 8), I started with the begats of Matthew. The genealogy alone is breathtaking and worthy of at least 10 blog posts, but what moved me that day in God's splendor was a question of Jesus found in Matthew 9.
Jesus was healing and changing lives left and right when 2 blind guys called out to Him and asked for healing. Then, in verse 28 Jesus asked the men, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" they said yes and because of their faith, they were healed. I don't know why that stuck me to hard, but it really did. I read that same passage at least a dozen times over again...Do you believe that I am able to do this?
God is so good. He is our creator and sustainer. Our daddy in Heaven and was once our brother in the flesh. He knows our weakness, our failures, and our faults and yet He still loves us more than we can ever fathom. And I know that He takes away pain and I know He heals broken hearts and I know that He gives the peace that passes understanding and fills voids in our lives left by those who have gone home before us, but knowing He can do those things and believing that He will do it for me are two different things. Even as I pray for wholeness, peace, and healing, do I really believe He'll provide? Its the idea of if I pray for rain, I need to bring an umbrella, right? Seek and find, ask and it will be given... "Do you believe I am able to do this?"
God hears me and loves me and knows what I need. So, almighty, merciful God, heal my heart, provide me peace, and fill the void, according to your will. I, through the power of the Holy Spirit, do indeed believe that you are able to do immeasurably more than I can ever ask or imagine, and I know that you are my faithful, loving, compassionate Savior- Emmanuel, God with us. As you healed the sick, gave the blind sight, and brought the dead to life, so too heal my sick, blind, and downtrodden heart. Give me a new vitality, vision, and vibrancy to love your Word and a renewed desire to share it with the people you have put into my life. Give my faith legs, Lord. I believe you are able to do this because you are the Most High God ruler of Heaven and Earth. These things I ask in the name of your Son who lives within me; in the name of Jesus, I pray.
Lord come quickly!

2011-07-24T23:41:00.000-05:00

I just watched a documentary on Garrison and I have a renewed desire to bla(h)g... I am just out of ideas right now... How did I do this for (almost) a year?
Let's see... it is a new week! This week is a prep week for our sixth (!!!) drama camp - and the biggest year ever at that! It is also a week of relationships. I'm meeting with some people I've not met with in a while in hopes of reconnecting with and reinvesting in them. You know what Smitty says about friends who have Jesus in common... :) It is also a week of juice... so much juice. It is also a week of processing and sort of sifting through the past month's activities. I'm finally well-rested and, for the most part, clear-headed. There are many lessons to be learned, its just a matter of unearthing them.
Big stuff, methinks. Big stuff.

so fly

2011-07-24T23:22:00.000-05:00

You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other nite, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

back on the horse

2011-07-09T13:12:00.002-05:00

there have been so so so so so so many changes since my last posts... amazing joy, profound sadness, divine comfort and hope, and everything in between.
For several reasons, I'm heading to the mountains. I'm sitting in the Denver airport staring at the Rockies waiting for my flight to Boise. No cell phone or internet for 10 days... I cannot wait.
Lord work through this and let me come down the mountain refreshed and refocused!

I plan on getting back to this here bla(h)g when I get back... get excited!
Until then...

2011-05-02T01:38:00.002-05:00

After hearing of the demise of Bin Laden, one of the thoughts that hit me was, how sad it is to know there is a God and to miss the Love of Jesus... A risen and reigning Lord, Grace, mercy, love and forgiveness... I pray that as Christians we will live out Easter in the way we live and love others for Jesus sake!

Retreat

2011-03-28T13:13:00.001-05:00

The view for my writer's retreat... Not coming out till page 15. Pray for clarity, please.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

sept fifth twenty eleven as i pontificate and try to heal...

2011-03-26T19:09:00.000-05:00

I have learned what it means to be so deeply connected with someone that love is the only word to describe it, and yet the term seems lacking. I’ve learned what it is to give yourself fully to another and receive the same in return. That love is doing everything in your power to care for another, and that there is a difference between loving and loving well. Between love and being in love. I’ve learned that love is exciting and love is dangerous. Love is confusing and rare. Love can become so overwhelming that nothing else can seem to matter. Love can be the most pure and natural high in the world.

But I learned that sometimes love is not enough. And the pain from love lost can be just as overwhelming as the joy it once brought. Love can well up inside you and make you crazy with pain. It can control you mentally and physically as well as emotionally. It can ruin everything you once had. But love that is real is never regrettable.

...I hope you never regret us... I FLY.

2011-03-22T16:17:00.001-05:00

Wow. 65. Sunny. Great. Great. Great God we serve. Great.
Also, ifmyb.

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hmm...

2011-03-15T00:34:00.000-05:00

Interesting question: Why is there no looting in Japan?
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/edwest/100079703/why-is-there-no-looting-in-japan/
In America, a "Christian" country we had huge amounts of crime post-Katrina (for instance)
But in Japan, a country that is over 95% non-Christian, no looting and stores are actually making items cheaper as to benefit society... crazy, no?
Not to put up a straw-man, I know full well that the folks who looted in New Orleans, for example, were indeed non-Christian (as least I hope) even though our country historically is considered to be otherwise... but still, isn't it just horrible that no crime after a major disaster is shocking to us?
How can a (True) God-less culture seemingly teach morality better than those that are indeed Godly? What happened to the argument of "you can't have morals w/o God"? Certainly, their morals are built around that which the True God established (both in the natural law and in the societal law of the 10 commandments, etc), but on a personal basis, without the Holy Spirit living and dwelling within, what standard of personal morality does one possibly have? And how come it has seemingly departed from our American Christian consciousness? One could say it is a law motivation- which is absolutely true- but, hello PARADOX- it is law motivation with Gospel results: I don't want to anger the gods, so I live a loving life. It is of course sad, because the love and concern for their fellow man is all for naught eternally, but temporally they put those of us who follow the one who created the "Golden Rule" to shame!
hmm... food for thought, I guess...
I don't have answers... just more questions... Lord come quickly!

glimmering, shimmering light

2011-03-10T04:18:00.001-06:00

OK circadian rhythm... this 3am thing can really stop!
oiy.
I'm awake despite the help of NyQuil... crazy.

Well, I am not going to try and explain away this past weekend- it was rough. Perhaps the roughest I've ever endured. There was some wrastling going on. For various reasons I was most definitely deep in the pit of despair. Reading/thinking about it now- even just 3 days later I feel icky and downright silly- like a complaining blithering fool- but I've decided to again let the words I wrote stay as-is. As I quoted Brenning Manning a couple of days ago- "To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means." The latter part is especially true. God's grace is so much bigger than my petty fears and insecurities- I am just in awe.
The truth of the matter is that lately I've been all about me. I want to know what the future holds, I want to be in a committed relationship, I want to be fulfilled, I want to grow up, I want to do this and do that... and while self-discovery and self-awareness is very important, I made these demands without really taking anyone else into consideration. I frame the "your will be done" idea with- "this is what I want and this is what would be cool, so give me this and this and... oh... yourwillbedone." Not exactly seeking His face. But God is patient and is faithful and is helping realize that my plan is not His and even my grandest of dreams pale in comparison to his perfect will.
I was begging for a sign- something grandiose and dramatic, but I was reminded today that God doesn't often work that way. He spoke to Elijah not through the wind, earthquake, or fire, but by a still small voice. He spoke to Balaam through his donkey- and while, that is indeed grandiose, it certainly wasn't something Balaam was looking for. And His Word became flesh not as a king with royal pomp and circumstance, but in the person of a tiny little baby in a manger. I'm told to "be still and know He is God" and "take heart and wait for the Lord" but my ADD of human nature takes over and my mind runs wild and my stomach knots and I like Peter take my eyes of the Savior and then start to quickly sink. But just like Peter, the Shepherd is always near, and He is graciously, once again, pulling me out of the briny depths and holding me firmly in His arms. Nonetheless, I am cold and wet and I feel like a child for ever taking my eyes off of Him. But this is all part of the refining process. This has been more than just this weekend- for the past several months I have been wondering through this valley, this weekend I just reached the scary crags and crevasses. But now, by grace and grace alone am I beginning to emerge. I feel as if I went into it (thinking) I was in the lead, but I'm coming out of it gripping my Lord's hand. Or maybe- like I used to hold my dad's hand as a lad- I'm holding on to just His big finger- my little, futile hands too small to fit into His whole nail-marked hand.
So now it's a matter of how my future, my relationships, my self-fulfillment, my maturity- all the things I want to "work on"- how can those fully reflect my Savior? How can they be in-step with what His good and perfect will is for me? And, duh, its not about me trying to figure these things out, its about Him showing me what He has planned- His whispering in His still, small, voice. So, as bashful as I am about my often whiney-ness that this bla(h)g spews forth, I stand with Manning- my shadow side shows that God is working within me... it just takes me longer than the average bear to realize this. I'm thankful for a all-loving and always patient God, and I hope my friends are equally as such... if I were them, I would have bailed on me a long time ago...
Alright! 4am, big day tomorrow- really, REALLY excited for the weekend- God is incredible in his faithfulness- truly. I'm not out of this valley just yet, but I see a clearing and that makes my heart glad. As Corrie Ten Boom said: "When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer." I'm trying really hard to sit still... I've never been good at that... but I absolutely trust the Engineer.
Thank you God for your ceaseless patience and grace!

Today's verse of the day

2011-03-09T10:05:00.002-06:00

Isaiah 43:2-
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

2011-03-07T00:11:00.002-06:00

"To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means."
— Brennan Manning

baaa

2011-03-06T04:55:00.000-06:00

Isaiah 40:11: ...He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart...

choo choo

2011-03-06T04:44:00.000-06:00

let the record state that these sleepless nights are getting very annoying.
Today... in a mere 5 hours... I am going to talk about my train for the kiddie message at church. It is one of my prized possessions. It was my dad's and I still remember when it was brought to our house when I was a kid. My grandpa was an amazing carpenter and he built this awesome platform with a depot for the train set. I think my dad played on that as well. That platform lives no more, but I still have the depot- and, of course the train. Its a simple oval track and a five or six piece electric train from the 50's, I would think. It was put into our basement when I was 8 or 9 and I spent hours and hours playing with it. I had dozens of little matchbox cars that I put on the platform- they all had names, of course- and they lived their lives in my imagination. It was a boy's way of playing with dolls, really- because I weaved some tangled webs. I remember the Porsche and the Mustang were married, but then there was an accident and... well... the rest, as they say, is history... Anyway, I loved that train and those hours of play time growing up.
So now the train sits in its box, unused for probably close to two decades now, but I keep it in hopes that, I suppose, I can give it to my kid someday... or I see it on Antiques Roadshow and sell it for a hefty price... whichever comes first...
Anyway, the point of the message will not be the walk down memory lane, rather it will illustrate Abram's faith. Genesis 12:1 says: "The LORD had said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.'" and 3 verses later we read, "So Abram left, as the LORD had told him". A car on a train doesn't question the engine- it merely goes where it is told, so too Abram went were God told him. Abram was richly blessed for following God- for trusting that He knows best. When I give object lessons, I typically try to have them connect on more than just one level- the train idea doesn't really do that- its just a matter of going where the engine leads- which is great- because as Psalm 23 says that is beside quiet waters. More importantly, we are lead to the cross of our Savior where we find not only peace and rest, but forgiveness of sins... that makes being a car- even a luggage car- so worth it! Follow where the engine leads...

This is something I talk about all the time- I tell students over and over again to find rest and solace in the loving nail-marked hands of our Savior- but now I'm in this season of stomach knots and unrest and weariness and I have to remind myself of the same thing... Actually, I take back that term- this isn't a season, because seasons are repetitive. You know what you're getting with a season- this place that I'm in right now isn't something I've been through before... its a valley. pretty deep and long, too... but I know that I am to follow and I know the Engine is powerful, mighty, and knows where it ends- but its hard not to try to peek over the top of the Engine to get a look at what's ahead for myself, you know? I need to get back to the place where I belong- a car, not the engine. Not to say that I'm anywhere nearly cool enough to be considered a caboose, but I like writing the word "caboose", so...

can you imagine how silly it would look to have a huge train- filled with coal cars and passenger cars and even freight (it is a very ambitious train company) -car after car after car- all lined up- with a caboose at the helm?!?! It would look ridiculous, and it would be ridiculous because it couldn't go anywhere. It would be stuck. The caboose has no power, no engine, no throttle, no fuel- nothing. With it in the lead, the train will go no where. The caboose's job is to follow the engine, not lead the train. Well, right now it seems as if I'm trying to move this train, but I am a mere caboose... oh the folly of a caboose who wants to be an engine... it would be silly if it wasn't so sad. BUT- ha, I almost lost my train of thought there- the advice I most often give is "trust and rest" Trust that God is bigger than me and His plan is indeed perfect, unique, and sure... and knowing that we get to rest in His loving arms. I need to remind myself of that now... its easier giving it than living it, let me tell you... I need to get back to the mindset of letting God be God and me being His servant- letting the engine lead and being the car that follows... I just hope this valley ends soon.
A mashup of like 4 different songs just flew through my head "I will go through this valley if you want me to" and "I would beg, plead, and I would borrow, just to have you lead me and I will follow"... but this pretty much sums it up right now...

on being green.

2011-03-05T03:18:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about this whole "growing up" thing lately. When I say a lot, I mean if I'm awake for 18 hours in a day, I'll spend 14 pondering some aspect of maturing... that's probably not healthy...
regardless, it is on my mind and has been for the past several months. It makes sense with the shock and awe of being 30 and not at all where I thought I would be...
We've covered that ad nausem...
BUT I've finally come to a couple of conclusions! Progess!
I have really truly lived a charmed life. There are few things that I can think of that I wanted and didn't get as a teenager and even as someone in his 20's. I was able to travel (often in style), dress well, eat well, live well and everything else well without really trying. I went after the things that were either fun or easy and the majority of things were just flat out given to me. I don't say that to brag or anything of that nature, it is just an honest assessment. I have been richly blessed and have lived a charmed life.
Things came easily to me- jobs, relationships, the ladies, I would have three or four options for a Friday night, I could schmooze and yuck it up with the best of 'em and if I get into a little bit of trouble there was little I couldn't talk my way out of. Good times!
And my deficiencies- chiefly my lack of a degree- were easily dismissed with phrases like, "I've been to busy living to be stuck in a classroom", or "I'm doing just fine without it. har, har"...

But then things changed- and only now am I fully realizing it. I was given truly the opportunity of a lifetime to be a youth minister and I embraced it with open arms. But, I was in no way prepared for the job. I had people skills and a love of Jesus- which is certainly enough to get by (obviously, i'm still doin' it!) but I wasn't at all prepared for the pitfalls of said profession. Things like being a self-starter, little to no interaction with my peer group, the "glass house" paradigm, emotional ties to students, carrying burdens of hurting kids, the lack of understanding of what goes on behind the scenes... and on (I had a couple more in mind, but they escape me currently...) Anyway, those things I wasn't ready for, and some of them I've still not taken on fully. sometimes ignoring a problem does indeed make it go away- at least for the majority of time...
SO, not to dwell on the negative, but they are a reality- and the longer I stick with this vocation, the more apparent they become to me and to those around me. Its like the shininess of the armor is tarnishing quickly- at least in my mind- how can people NOT see my failures? To me they're screaming in everything I attempt. But that's another post...
To my point: these things have been made crystal clear to me lately. I don't exactly know why, but I would have to believe the Big Guy is showing me my warts so that I might be able to stop them in their tracks. I need to get some liquid nitrogen and freeze them off, you know? The longer I wait, the bigger and nastier they grow (lovely thought, I know...). And while it is absolutely gut wrenching to feel as if your weaknesses are on display for all to see, its encouraging to know that HE is made strong in those very weaknesses...
But there's more to it-
As I said last post, there has been an overwhelming number of people who have encouraged me to live to my potential lately, and I have this desire- this deep-rooted-my-very-soul-aches-and-from-my-toes-to-the-end-of-my-longest-hair longing to have a second half... to end this lonesomeness that has deeply affected and downright tormented me over the past 6-10 months. (sidenote: if things work like Frank Peretti writes, then the demon of loneliness has been my very shadow lately and he's really annoying...) I've tried to force things that just don't fit and as a result relationships that were good and really, truly wonderful have turned wearying and I fear that I've become burdensome. I don't know if it is ironic, really, but the things that came easiest to me as a 20 year old are the hardest as a 30 year old... I don't really want to be around people lately, I can't make decisions to save my life, and despite my brave-face desire for the contrary, I know that certain situations- even in the future- are truly hopeless.

BUT... BUT here's the rub. I think I know what I have to do to remedy this. I'm trying to be receptive to the Lord's promptings- I know He answers prayer, and I am pleading for clarity with all of this. And I really think I know what He's calling me to do- But I just... I can't bring myself to start to do it. I have all sorts of excuses to make it okay in my mind to maintain the status quo. I laid in bed today for no less than two hours going over what I truly believe I am to do in order to be able to move forward in this regard, and I still have no truly lasting resolve to make the changes necessary... I have gotten so used to things being given to me that I don't think that I really know HOW to set and achieve these sort of lofty goals. I need to work for this stuff, and right now, my laziness is trumping my desire to be what I want to be... What in the world, man??? The answer is in front of you... or even if this ISN'T the solution- it certainly would be good regardless and is a definite first step, and yet... gah! I have been a rain-forest of inaction. Now the trees of apathy and vines of lethargy and the sloths of... slothiness... have choked out ambition! THIS... this is maddening to realize.

I am a master at rationalizing and excusifying things away... my dad has long told me (half jokingly, I think) that I need a wife to take care of my sloppiness with money and organization- and I've latched on to that idea- I have been looking for someone who can make up for my failures and cover them up for me, not expose them to me and help me correct them. I met with someone that I really respect and look up to on Tuesday and I was kidding around about something that I'm not really good at and I said something to the effect of, "gee, i need a wife to take care of that for me." But he shot that down right away- for the first time, he got me thinking of relationships totally differently. I kind of knocked my whole idea of a wife on its ear... The idea of my taking care of these things BEFORE I find that "other half" and perhaps the reason why God has not yet opened that door to me just yet is because I haven't really come to grips with me yet, let alone me with someone else... Anyway, this narcissistic rant is already too long... I'm sorry that you're still reading this... And I feel kind of odd knowing this is all going to be on the interwebs for all to see- but... I dunno... This stuff is important and I'm just really stringing things together myself- I'm excited to see what I learn about growing up... and life... and living... in the not too distant future. I'm realizing my bad habits are stifling my potential and I need to get my act together if I want to live my life... This is big, man... big.

I'm not a huge fan of using quotes from people who have a worldview that is diametrically opposed to mine, but it is true when Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." In this regard, I get to be the change I want to see in my life.. which is exciting, but crazy scary. I've never been a self-motivator. I've always heavily relied (sometimes inappropriately) on others for help, support, and escape. I haven't gotten into personal mantras or inspirational sayings, but I'm learning that I need those things if I ever want to turn my months-long inaction into something that could be really neat. But this is me. This can't be done by anyone else, or really with anyone else's help. This is on me to do for me (realizing, of course, that I am never alone in Jesus- what I mean is that from the human standpoint, this is a one-man show)... The wonderful thing is, however, that my motivation and inspiration is that I know that Jesus is living within me, He has called me to live my life as worship to Him, and it is my motivation that everything I think, say, and do reflects the love He showed us on the cross. Laying in bed thinking about how I don't want to do what I'm lead to do... that just doesn't cut it... so... yeah. that's whats on my mind at 3:18am today... good times.
In this vain, enjoy a little tune by my dawg... err frog... Kermit. He gets me, man.

kapow!

2011-03-03T00:35:00.000-06:00

hmmm... there are very literally dozens of things I could (and probably should) bla(h)g about right now... I don't know if I really want to dive in though.
Perhaps some random thoughts:
- God has put some amazing people into my life- wise, caring, insightful, Jesus-loving people. I am humbled by them.
- The theme in my "deep" conversations with people (mentor-type people) over the past 6 months or so has been that I have amazing potential... I don't know if I should be offended if that implies that I'm not living up to it right now... And, the billion dollar question is what do I have to do to indeed not be a Ryan Leaf, but be a Payton Manning (10 bonus points if you understand that analogy). Am I too old to be a Payton Manning?
- Quote of the day: "Don't worry about money, God's got more than enough."
- when looking at my heart, i see lots of scars... which causes me to pause.. finding happiness in the good memories, but then sad when realizing why they were wounds in the first place... But then I am overcome with a sense of hopefulness in that scars mean healing, and if it's healed before it'll heal again... I just have to hope that chicks really do dig scars. : )
- I hope to never be hopeless, I can only run out of toothpaste so many times...
- Not being in Chicago this weekend is a tremendous blessing.
- I wish i see what others see in me... i don't mean that to be self-depreciating, i just honestly don't... i'm just me... and thats typically pretty boring... eww that sounds so gross...
- "Create self es-teem through es-teem able acts" is worth living by (I separated that word, because the phrase is trademarked and I don't want to get sued...)
- perhaps i've been uukin poo nub (another 10 points for that reference) wrongly.
- There is a big difference between a 75 and 100 watt light bulb! so annoying.
- I hate not truly knowing my topic... this is seriously torturous...
- swimming pools and movie stars... could i really?
- I wonder if its possible to pray for the wrong things... and if that's the case does God not give you what you need because you're not asking for it? Is part of God's working getting us to recognize what we need so that he will provide it? Can one be any more confused when he doesn't even know what to pray for?
- I'm reading a devotional by Max Lucado (thanks mom!) and he says "God promises to be a light to our path, not provide a crystal ball for our future"... something along those lines... I like that idea, but I don't know if that's necessarily true... and if it is should I not be praying for big picture stuff? Imagine that! More confusion! ha!
- What do I have to do to make it my turn? What if it never is? gah! more big picture!
- Do I REALLY want to write a thesis someday??
- why do i have so many clothes? Seriously... and I'm very much emotionally attached to most of them... seems silly... at the same time... totally awesome.
- Can I go a week without using a :)? That could lead to a lot of misunderstandings... OH perhaps I give up emoticons for Lent! That would be SO 21st century of me... we'll see...
- Gall stones are bright green????
-Why are you still reading this? haha... I usually go back and proof my posts, but i'm going to leave this one as-is... this is about as organic as you can get in a bla(h)g... if you're confused, just click the "x" up in the corner of your browser and go about your day... some things aren't worth figuring out :)

hope

2011-03-01T00:15:00.000-06:00

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

leaven

2011-02-26T18:58:00.003-06:00

This bums me out. Rob Bell was the face of the "emergent generation" for a long time, and I really enjoyed his early Nooma videos. Lump and Rain and Kickball are just phenomenal vignettes that share a wonderful truth from God's Word. For the past couple of years, however, I've heard rumblings of his departure from orthodoxy, but this video shows a total departure from truth in his upcoming book "Love Wins". I will read the book first, then perhaps share my thoughts... until then all I can say is:
"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me...'" -John 14:6

lifer

2011-02-24T00:31:00.000-06:00

So tonight was a... I dunno... good- definitely good- experience. But I went through a whole gambit of emotions, and I'm not exactly sure why. As I typed that first ellipsis all my ambition to expound on my night and thoughts drifted away... so maybe some other time... :)
BUT
the short version is- I've never been a fan of the concept of a "life verse" and I don't know how one goes about getting one- like does someone have to give it to you? Or like is there a life verse swami out there divvying them out...
Regardless, I think if it is kosher to choose one's own, I would choose Isaiah 51:16- I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand.
I think the Lord has indeed covered me with His hand time after time, and I know He has used me in profound ways to share Jesus... they weren't my words, that's for sure...
SO I pray He continues to use me and protect me and yeah... Isaiah 51:16 would be a pretty cool life verse... if I was into that kind of thing...

(the real) three sixty five.

2011-02-23T01:22:00.002-06:00

First of all, today I made an AMAZING cuban pork roast. Man oh man is it delicious. I cannot wait for the embargo to be lifted, cuz I want to go to Havana just for the food... and the cigars... but mostly for the food. :)

It doesn't take much to look at the world and see all sorts of nuttiness going on. The $3.30 gas is obviously the most hard-hitting for me, but pretty irrelevant when you look at the revolution in Egypt and Libya, not to mention rumblings of revolt in Yemen and the Ivory Coast. There's earthquakes and Tsunami's in New Zealand and Australia, there's pirates killing Americans at sea, Unions protesting, snow storms everywhere, major flooding to come, and what in the world were Chicago voters thinking???

I know these things are nothing new, but they seem to be all happening at once right now. It is easy to look at them as global things- stuff that is happening far away that you can ignore if you turn off the TV or stay off Drudge for a while, but really these are lives being impacted. These are real, live people fighting for their freedoms, their livelihood, and even their lives. Its totally mind-blowing to think about. And scary too! I mean states are bankrupt, and jobs are disappearing, and $5 gas? I'd never get to Wisconsin ever again! The country, if not the world, is becoming more and more polarized and the noise of gutless rhetoric is getting louder and louder. It seems that there must be a breaking point, and the grave reality of the matter is that breaking point will most likely come while I'm alive... its nuts to think about.

But, you know, even in the chaos we have hope and peace, don't we? We trust fully in He who calms the waves and controls the tectonic movements. We retreat to He who is the same yesterday, today, and forever and find rest when revolutions arise. We look to Him who says "Be still and know I am God" when nervousness over budget-breaking gas prices, impossible situations, and our own mortality stares us in the eyes. The hope that we have in Jesus' perfect blood and righteousness doesn't fade away when the going gets tough. Why is it so easy to think that way? Why is it my default response to lean toward doubting our Savior's never-ending love when calamity befalls me? It makes no sense. If ever there is a time to cling with fevered passion to the cross where we were set from from sin, death, and the devil it is when we are pressed on all sides! When governments flounder, friends flummox, and life frustrates. If that's not the time to lean not on our own understanding, then when is it time to totally trust in the Almighty's assurance that He'll never leave us?

These pitfalls of sin that are dominating the headlines right now are obviously from the Evil One, but so too is the desperation and hopelessness that I feel as I watch the details unfold on my couch. Satan wants me to think that everything is gone awry and God has finally given up on this fallen race. The Devil loves it when I look at suffering and disaster and rather than saying, "This is YOUR doing, Satan" and despise him all the more; I turn to our perfect God and say, "Why are you allowing this?" May I never forget the source of sin and destruction, and remember that this very destruction is what I deserve as a sinful human being. Thanks be to our Savior Jesus that such destruction is not my fate, my name is written in the book of life! His mercy endures forever!

But, most importantly, may I never lose sight of the fact that Our Lord's hand is still in all these things, Our salvation is still sure through Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, and my citizenship is of Heaven, not this fickle, fleeting world. May we never lose sight of the fact that while world events are obviously hard to ignore and not focus on, God is still very much involved in our everyday relationships, lives, and goings on. Its not like He can only pay attention to one or two things. He is still omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent... He is still God. And while it may seem as if He's pre-occupied with African revolts and disasters in Oceania, may I always conclude that such thinking poppycock! Jesus is living within me! His Spirit is here among us! His blood sealed my fate. The same God that looks after the sparrows looks after me and you, and that is pretty stinkin' awesome! He promises rest to the weary, wholeness to the broken, and peace to the troubled. Thank you God for never abandoning me when I've doubted and faltered, and for picking me up when I thought I was strong enough to walk on my own...

three sixty five (take one)

2011-02-21T00:01:00.002-06:00

WELL folks-
This is it! The 365th post on this piece of the internets. It took me 3 months longer than I wanted, but I made it. horray!
The pressure is on, however, to make it something good.
It has been a while since I've blogged. While there have been several major changes in my life, I haven't felt compelled to reflect on them on paper. Generally speaking, I'm consumed with angst as of late. There are a lot of things that I know I have to do, but really want to put them off so I procrastinate, then feel kind of guilty, then start, but get more or less overwhelmed so I put them off, then guilt... its a vicious circle. :)
But things are good! I am blessed. I am also 30 years old.
wow.
I am working on this whole growing up thing, and I think I'm starting to come around, and while I'm excited to see what kind of adventures lay ahead, but I really wish I had an adventure partner... Still working on trusting in Kairos.... I wish, if it isn't going to happen... for a while at least... this desire would go away, but it persists and it's starting to get on my nerves.

What else is new? Oh, my companion over the past 5 years- trusty, sure-footed, comfortable- is no longer with me. That's right, the Rendezvous is gone. Its a long story but it came down to it not being reliable and me not wanting to put more money into it. So I bought a car that will be reliable and has an awesome warranty. If the Rendy was a Ferrari, my new ride is a BMW 3 series. Nice, definitely nice, but no Ferrari... I really think long-term its the right choice, but short term I have to deal with the significant impact on the ole budget and the thought of 5 years of payments. Buyer's remorse is the worst. The fact is this, like so many things, cannot be changed so I need to embrace it and deal. It was a great deal and I think we're going to have many happy years together. I miss the old girl, but I look forward to this new chapter in my vehicular life. :)

hmmmm... this isn't much of a 365th post... I think back to when I turned 20... actually I don't remember what I did for my 20th birthday- (for the record my 30th birthday was spent mini-golfing with some really great people- blessings, in fact)- ok my 21st birthday- I think back to that- Wild game with my buddies and Joe's Crab Shack with my parents (after destroying the '90 Audi 80)- good times. And I realize there is no way i could have ever ever ever imagined I'd have the life I do now. No WAY I could have even dreamed of it. God is good and has held me closely to Himself.
So I have a desire to wax theoretical about where I'll be in 5 years... but I realize it would be trying to imagine a finger-painting when I have a DiVinci to look forward to. That may be a convoluted metaphor, but I think you get it...
The thing that kind of bums me out about me is that I can sit on this mountain of 30 years of perspective and see all the phenomenal blessings I've been given. I've forgotten more blessings that I can count... My cup overflows1!!! BUT I still get bummed about the few things I don't have. I can say with a good amount of certainty that I would have said I'd be a college graduate and married by age 30- age 25 was my goal, if I'm not mistaken. Neither of those things are true and its hard not to focus on them... I'm annoyed that I do spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on them currently, and I'm even more annoyed that one of them I really am clueless as to how to approach remedying.
blah.
Maybe the thing that is the most discouraging about my status quo is I'm not sure what to look forward to. I mean the 21 year old me had lots to look forward to- lots of unknown adventures to explore. The world was my burrito. Now its like I have the same old routine to look forward to, perhaps I'll try a new shampoo and maybe I'll build some new shelves for my garage... Not exactly climbing Everest... hmmm as I write I realize this is my deal, I mean its my own limits that are, well, limiting me... So maybe I need to think bigger... I think maybe the words of the prof that told me that I'm wasting my life have resounded more than care to admit and so I'm second guessing everything I get excited for because I'm afraid it's not worthy enough... icky. she's in my head. blah.

ANYWHOO... post 365 should not be whiny! The truth is big things are in store! I'm only limited by my own... ahem... laziness, really. The truth is that I'm loved and I'm really glad that I am. And I'm really really working on trusting it. I'm excited about my new roommate- today we played snowball baseball. He's good people and I'm guessing there's many fun times ahead. I'm honestly 30 pages from graduation. Tomorrow is a snow day and I'm not leaving my house until I have 4 pages written. boom. The world of graduate schools is indeed my burrito and where my education and academia will take me, only God knows.
I think my problem is that I have equated maturity with conservative life choices. Safe is best has been my mantra over the past several years. In that thinking, I've muddled who I am. I was never one to be very calculated. Not that I'm reckless, but I, historically, have been one to live with my emotions on my sleeve, throw caution to the wind and go the way of whimsy, and it has produced some fantastic times. It has also made for some tremendous heart break. But when you're out there living, you're gonna get hurt- but at least you're feeling something!!
Its been quite some time since I've done that, been spontaneous. Instead, I've talked things to death and over analyzed my way out of things that could have been really good and really life-changing. I think I need to worry less about the long term and live more in the moment. A "save tonight" kind of a deal. :) I think I'd be pretty happy if 30 was a year of just putting it all on the line and pursuing adventure. I have little to lose other than more missed opportunities for awesomeness.
The bottom line is my friends have heard all my stories- most of them are true :) - so I need to start writing some that are new... which means I need to get back to living and stop merely surviving (thanks Garth Brooks). And, in it all, I need- I get- to make sure that I'm honoring God. I don't think God is necessarily honored in me being a 5 when he's gifted me to be a 10. My favorite quote- A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for. I think its time for me to start venturing out of my harbor again... I just got excited.

Times... they are...

2011-02-16T10:43:00.001-06:00

Wow lots of big changes in the past week! I should probably write about them.... But there's this paper that looms ominously... And its 45 and sunny outside! Spring is an evil, evil temptrous. So don't read this drivel go outside and play!!!

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typoing aion't a;lways easy.

2011-02-08T10:35:00.000-06:00

yesterday, as i was mandolining carrots for an AMAZING roast I made, I cut my finger pretty badly. like there's a chunk miossiong. It makes typ=ing with my righjt habnd pretty difficult.
I have a huge band-aid on it, thus sometimes I hit two keys at once;. I wonder if this is how we look to God sometimes. We try to put our own band-aid over our wounds, we try tio take care oif ourselves on;ly to make everything mopre cpomberspome and difficul;t. Real;l;y, I probably should have gpone tp the ER, but stubboprn me... Np[t tpo wporry, the bleeding is stop-p-ed and it'll be fine (i'm ho[ing foir a sweet scar), but I couold have made it easoer iof I just let spomepne help me.
Without Jesus we canno0t be fine and we tru;y have nop chance of hea;ling. Thankfull;y fingers hea; better than hearts. I thank God for His Son Jesus, and I pray IU always cl;ing toi the cross in a;;l things, rather than tryoing toi handle things pon my opwn. Because when io doon't I lookl (and feel) likoe a moprpn trying ti tyupe wiuth a ridicul;pus band=aid pn my finger.
Thank yopu L:ord fopr wanting my burdens, and gove me the wiosdpom to always lay them at your feet.

So close!

2011-02-04T18:25:00.001-06:00

This makes me smile... 30 pages away from completion!

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better than that...

2011-02-02T01:29:00.000-06:00

In my years as a youth minister, I've not had one of my "regulars" do anything too out of control. That is, it is typically a kid that I've never met or isn't active in... anything that is the subject of the phone calls requesting me to call them up and talk to them. By the way, those kind of calls are the worst. It puts me in such a horrible position. "Hi, it's the youth minister from your church. No, the one in Bloomington... yeah. So I've never met you, but your mom said you're going through some tough times... wanna talk?" it never goes well... thankfully those types of ordeals are few and far between.
But this last week one of my regulars, my buddy, my pal, the kid who stops by my office once or twice a week just to hang out got into trouble. We'll call him Jimmy.
Jimmy is a really good kid who sadly doesn't have a whole lot of self-esteem. He's smaller than his peers and has had some major medical issues that sometimes affect him adversely. He is big into rap, and so he hangs out with some not-so-good influences who are into the same music and culture. Last week Jimmy's buddies got busted smoking weed (that's marijuana for you elderly folks :) ) and the trickle down effect shows that Jimmy was buying from these guys and stealing from his mom in order to pay for it... Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy....
So we're hanging out tomorrow and I'm going to tell him my story.

This is something I've not shared with too many people. My parents (who are among my most faithful readers) have no clue, so... surprise!? But I think self-disclosure is important sometimes, and when there's a lesson to be learned, why not use past experiences to drive a point home?
The fact of the matter is, I used to be a pretty regular pot smoker. My friends since kindergarten were always the guys who had it, so just by association, I've been around it since I was like 12 or 13. I remember the first time I smoked was in 9th grade behind a grade school that we used to play against in North St. Paul. We were at a 15th birthday party and came back REEKING. Not cool...
Anyway, cheap supply and a host of friends who were all participatory made it easy for me to partake. I'll skip the details, but it was a pretty big part of my life for quite a few years...
Regardless, its not all the times I smoked that I'm going to tell Jimmy about, its the last time that's important. I was living in Yellowstone National Park working as a waiter. As I've written before, it was an amazing experience that I'll never forget (even if all my photos were stolen...). This story takes a little set up: A month into my time in Wyoming, a laptop of one of my co-workers was stolen. Someone said that I was the thief, so the Park Rangers came a'knockin'. They asked if they could search my cabin and my car, and I gladly obliged. I had nothing to hide as I had nothing to do with the laptop lifting. So Ranger Jones (not his real name... I don't think...) searched all through my cabin and went out to my car and get to the trunk and found an oblong zipper case that could logically fit a laptop. He quickly grabbed it and almost accusingly unzipped it... only to find my Bible. He realized that I was indeed not the culprit and began apologizing profusely. We chatted for a while, I found out he was a Christian and he was glad to find out that I was thinking about being a pastor. He told me churches need "guys like me" and if I needed anything to just give him a call- he gave me his card and everything. Nice guy.

OK fast-forward to approximately 6 weeks later. Working in YNP was a great adventure, I went West for the outdoors, unique people, and time spent in God's creation. Many people had the same motives. Several others, however, were out there to party and little else. They were good fun folks, but not ones you'd like to spend a whole lot of time with. Regardless, for whatever reason I decided to hop into a car with a bunch of people and drive around and smoke a ridiculous amount of weed. It seemed like a good idea to the 22 year old me...
Well wouldn't you know it, we got pulled over. Apparently, and I can't substantiate this with any sort of... you know... facts, but since we were on federal property, the possession of a controlled substance is considered a federal offense. So we were in a lot of trouble... like felonies? Thankfully the rangers that pulled us over were nice. They pulled us all out of the car and lined us up and yelled and told us how dumb we were. They took all the weed and dumped it out and all that jazz. We were scared straight.
But the worst was yet to come.
After all that we had to call one of our friends to come pick us up because they wouldn't let us drive, obviously. So as we waited another ranger car pulled up and out walks Ranger Jones. He talks to his colleagues and comes over to us waiting on the side of the road. He was a supervisor of some sort I guess. He was calm and talked to the group in a very civil manner making sure we knew that this was a second chance and we shouldn't blow it. My eyes never moved from my feet. My chin was buried in my chest and my heart was going a million beats a minute. Finally our ride arrived and people started getting into the van. Just as I was about to hop in, Ranger Jones' flashlight caught my face. He stopped in his tracks. He called my name... he remembered it. He said, "come over here". I did begrudgingly. He looked me in the eye, squinted for a couple of seconds, shook his head slightly and just said, "you're better than this, man... waaaay better than this." And walked away disappointed.

wow.

talk about a buzz kill.

I've never smoked since that night. I don't know if I've ever really had to opportunity, to be honest. People have a funny way of growing up and out of their stupidity... The bottom line is- even if I could I wouldn't, because it's not what a child of God does. It's that simple. People who love Jesus aren't part of that stuff. Call that legalism if you want, but it's the truth. Ranger Jones was right, I AM better than that. I was made that way when Jesus paid for me on the cross. I had to come to the point where I had to back up what I was saying. I've always been quick to share my faith, but reluctant to live it. But I'm better than that.

And Jimmy, you're better than that too. Jesus died for you, man, and we get to thank Him by living our lives differently than how others would have us live. You're better than this, Jim... SO much better. If anyone tells you anything differently, they're not worth being around. Look in the mirror and see a kid who is God's dearly loved child. He knows your name, knows your pain, and because of Him you're not the same. Live for Him because He died for you.
You're better than this, Jimmy.

hmmmmmmmmm

2011-02-01T01:26:00.001-06:00

this video contains a lot of my favorites...
Kinetic Typography blows my mind. I enjoy the color orange. I like things that spark conversation. I dig the use of logic, and I, of course, love God... so, minus the decision theology, this here is a perfect video... :)

a song for my monday.

2011-02-01T01:20:00.004-06:00

simple but beautiful.

I know God is good because He gave me a listening ear tonight. that is a blessing that is beyond words. BFLM.

salsa and screenprinting... hmmm....

2011-01-26T14:57:00.001-06:00

For some reason this little news story triggered a whole bunch of ideas... cool idea started by a Christian that impacting lives big time... sounds like a winner...

Three fiddy random.

2011-01-22T04:06:00.002-06:00

I cannot sleep. Well, I could, but I awoke and cannot return to sleepy land. I am leaving in 90 minutes to help out at a food shelf, so I was kind of hoping my circadian rhythm would cooperate... Guess not.
I have an angst about me currently which I can't really explain... Odd. I think, however I might have figured out a more exact paper topic: Historical Criticism and its Impact on Lutheran Education. Something like that... Feels good to have a more narrow focus. Now I must read fast and furiously. I woke up angry about these people stealing my shoes. I have big feet and my basketball shoes were perfect. I wish I knew where they threw everything away... The only stuff I really want is undoubtedly in a dump somewhere. Grrrr.
Also, the cold can stop now. Seriously. These dog days of winter are creeping into my psyche and I'm none too pleased. Come on spring, hurry up! :)
Also I think I'd like to go to Split Rock. Perhaps my birthday weekend? Seems lame, but we'll see...
All Along the Watchtower is running through my head right now... The DMB version, not Dylan... I know you were wondering.
Oh! Garrison Kiellor is speaking at CSP in a couple of weeks. I'm so stoked! I need to move some schedule stuff around, but man that's cool!
Sigh. Still not tired. Twill be a long morning... All for a good cause, right? Right. Onward!

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BUMMER!

2011-01-19T23:51:00.003-06:00

So a couple of months ago I took all the pictures from my high school and college days over to my buddy's house so I could scan a bunch in and post on Facebook. I did that, which is great. But I left them in the back of my car and didn't think about them... until this afternoon... you guessed it... they've been taken too. All my Wyoming and China photos are gone. As are pics from my high school mission trips, senior year, and all the ballparks I've visited...
bummer.

Lobby

2011-01-19T13:17:00.003-06:00

I'm early. Waiting.
Sitting. Hating.
Patience fading.
So irritating.

Mags are old.
Smells like mold.
Feet are cold.
Like teeth bring pulled.

Phone goes ring.
Babies "sing".
Nurses bring...
Not my turn.

Chair is stiff.
Snot-nosed sniff.
Moms looked miffed.
Did they get in a tiff?

Hark!
My ears tingle!
That's MY name! (it has a jingle)
Oh my! Could it be?
Now is the time for him to see me?
Such joy! Such jubilation!
My wait is over, I was very patien(t)...

I follow the nurse, but what do I see?
Another stiff chair waiting for me...
Oh how I detest these waiting lob-bees.

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peter @ the park

2011-01-18T01:27:00.001-06:00

I was told my readers miss me, so here I am appeasing the "masses" :)
Really, I've not blogged much lately for a couple of reasons.
1- I really am borderline overwhelmed with getting back into the swing of ministry. I have a sort of renewed passion for pouring into the lives of kids, but there are so many other things that I need to get done. Least of which is a pretty major paper... so, lots to do!

2- I'm just really really happy right now. The fact of the matter is that blogs like this are all about a stream of consciousness. For whatever reason, you enjoy reading about what's going on in my life. The thing is though, at least for me, the things that are interesting to read are the things that come from a dark place. Its easy to articulate sadness and easy to wax down in the dumps. Not only that, but I kind of enjoy reading such things. I certainly enjoy songs that are kind of depressing- maybe its because I'm a Lutheran and depressing songs are in a minor key. Lutherans love the minor key. Whatever the reason its it much easier to bla(h)g about sadness than it is joy. Its almost like if I write about being joyful its like I'm bragging, you know? If I talk about allll the good things and awesome people in my life you, the reader, will roll your eyes and ask, "who cares?" But if I write about being bummed out, you the reader thinks, "aww, poor fella" or "well at least I'm better off than him" or you can identify with that sadness and feel a sort of attachment. Its a tad masochistic, really... Plus happiness usually means one is out and about and with people and friends, so he doesn't have time to wallow and bla(g)h (I know I'm being inconsistent with my use of the word bla(h)g; I'm just getting sick of writing it like that...). In that regard, I must admit, my calendar has been chocked full since Christmas. Fun, fun times. Browling, brotime, 5am session, fight night, the ritual, making stars explode, vespers, lots of movies, cards, secrets, following guts, waffles, wings, and so much more. (I'm grinning very widely right now)
So, If you've not heard from me for a while, know its because I'm happy and blessed, and glad. Or I'm pinned underneath my car.

3- God is good. He's given me a couple of sets of listening ears recently that I am so grateful for. I really started this bla(h)g because I needed to have an outlet. I actually hoped that one, maybe 2 people would ever see it. It is kind of embarrassing that there are more folks who take time out of their day to peruse... But lately I've been able to share and process with real, live people. Its a very novel concept, I know.... Its also one of those blessings that leaves me to say to God: "thank you, thank you thank you!!!! good things.

4-
Ha I just got bored trying to think of other reasons why I've not written lately. I just don't have much to say, quite honestly. I could complain about my lame car, but that's no fun. SO, know I'm happy, blessed, and movin' and shakin' :)
Also, I got new glasses that I am very stoked to see!!! Friday! Come quickly!!!

buh. bye.
peace and blessings.
peace. and. blessings.

2011-01-15T10:24:00.000-06:00

Hmmm... the wise Max Lucado tweeted this today:
"Slay the desire to be noticed. Stir the desire to serve God. Don't make a theater production out of your faith."

Wise words, Max... I'm changing my resolutions to this.

period.

2011-01-15T00:35:00.003-06:00

Man... this really rocked my world... How? Why? What now?
i'm filled with disillusionment.
CLICK HERE
read at your own risk

turn it up to 11.

2011-01-14T01:25:00.001-06:00

Well, first of all, I have 15 posts left in this little dog and pony show... the countdown begins... :)
Today was a good day. Fun to bum around with a bro and keep the streak alive... it ends today??
But I took a long nap... thus I'm up and at 'em. So I'll use this time to keep my promise.
Resolutions.
You, of course, know my resolution from last year... you're reading it... and, while it didn't really go as planned, I think it was still pretty successful, and allowed for some really valuable introspection. When I'm on the NYT Bestseller list, you'll all be able to say you knew me "back then"... :)
OH, before I go any further. This week i procured both an electric food dehydrator AND a juicer... 2011, you're looking mighty delicious!
This is going to be a big year. Not only am I turning 30, but you know, I'm finishing up that whole college thing, making some pretty big decisions about my future, and spending some time navigating through my past in order to make the next 30 plus years pretty great. Its gonna be a pretty wild ride... but don't worry, I'll wear my seat belt.
So resolutions-
hmmm
I don't know, resolutions are kinda lame, I guess, so maybe I'll phrase it like this- If I read these statements on Jan 14, 2012 and they aren't at least attempted, I'll be kinda bummed. How about that?
Having said that, In the year of our Lord, Two Thousand and Eleven, I hope to:
1- Intentionally work on relationships- I've spent the last couple of years kind of to myself. This isn't me, nor is it good for me. So, I need to suck up some of my own insecurities and veiled laziness and get out and amongst people on a regular basis. My new roommate will certainly help in this. We, unlike my current roommate, have much in common and will have fun. I still miss Johnny, tho. He was good people.
2- down size. Sell! don't replace what is stolen :(! Don't buy! less! less! less!!! I think I'm ready.
3- consciously fill my own cup. Get in the Word, man!!! Its a shame I have to remind myself to do that...
4- be aware of my presence and influence. never assume, take for granted, or dominate...
5- Be the encourager you want around you. Build up, be positive, and reek of joy. How can that not be a recipe for good things??
6- be.
7- JUICE like a Tropicana employee and DEHYDRATE like I own Jack Links. Seriously, I'm giddy.
8- continue to read and learn.
9- listen twice as well as I talk... this could be tough.

There are others, I'm sure... but this is getting kinda lame.
But, good times in '11! Its gonna be a good one!

oh yeah!

2011-01-11T03:04:00.000-06:00

Hmm well, I seemed to have forgotten about this post because I have only fulfilled one of the promised "coming soon" posts...
So I'll work toward keeping said promise now.
On my flight home from Arizona this past New Years Eve we hit some mighty turbulence. I'm really not a fan of flying, to be honest, so when things get bumpy, I'm not a very happy camper. But I am a fairly seasoned flier, so, while it causes alarm, turbulence typically doesn't phase me too much anymore. Well, for the last 20 minutes of my flight back into MSP, I was phased. It felt like a roller coaster ride. Don't get me wrong, I love... L-O-V-E roller coasters, but not at 10.000 feet. This not fun. up and down and then violently from side to side... no good. I was praying. hard. Like for real- not just "land us safe" but like "God- here are my sins, and here is my faith in your son. Look to Him and forgive me cuz I'm gonna meet you soon" type prayers. Not since I was convinced a bear was trying to eat me in Yellowstone has death felt so close.
When we finally landed I was engulfed in sweat and looking for the barf bag. Thankfully my Sun Country Airlines microwaved hamburger stayed in my belly, but it was touch and go there for a minute.
not fun.

OK there you go... the time I almost died but survived. Tomorrow maaaaaaaybe resolutions... we'll see.

not cool, man!

2011-01-10T01:37:00.000-06:00

well...
there's not a lot to say other than tonight was a big bummer. My car was broken into and everything... EVERY THING was taken. Lots of gifts, lots of random junk, a couple of notebooks that really were special to me... such a bummer, and so flipping pointless. Why do people do that? The thing that bugs me is they have a key to my car and they have my address and it all just makes me feel icky. so many "why's?" lay in that shattered glass. My insurance will cover none of it- only the new window (which is nice, seeing as it's REALLY cold outside), but the $2000 or so of stuff that was taken is on me to replace.
I think the biggest bummer is that it feels like I just wasted all that money. I had to list the stuff that was taken for the cop and it just made me cringe when I had to list a value of the items... Why did i spend that much on those things??? Like, if chose to sell that stuff because I didn't use it, that's fine, it's on me- but ipods and chargers and GPS and shoes and clothes... it's all stuff that I used and used often. blagh. I don't want to think about it anymore, i makes me nauseous.

BUT, the really neat thing is I went to Vespers tonight- a worship service at a local Christian college- and God smiled on me. The first 5 or 6 songs were some of my favorites... so good. And during the first song- Jesus Paid it All, I heard a whisper that said simply, "its all just stuff, man". And I burst into tears. Its all just stuff... it means nothing. Jesus blood and righteousness- that's what means something... the junk- some of if I couldn't even remember if it was in my car or not- that's nothin... Really, it makes me sad how sad it makes me. I mean I cried a little... cuz my stuff was taken... why would that make me cry, Its just STUFF!!!! Stuff, that, with a couple of exceptions, I could go out and buy 125 of tomorrow. Stuff. I cried because I lost stuff. I've become emotionally attached to plastic and silicon. It's just stuff, man.
I've been talking ALOT about getting rid of like 95% of my stuff and just living on the things I use... eliminate the clutter that fills up my life, you know. Well, I think God just helped me get a head start. I'll absolutely buy anther iPod (my 4th, now...) and probably another heart rate monitor and another pair of running shoes, but the rest can go and enjoy their new home. My dad's car was broken into back in the day and all his Christian tapes were stolen. I remember him writing an article about how he hopes the people who stole them listen to them and come to faith. I have the same hope. My iPod was in the midst of one of my all-time favorite albums "Church Music" by David Crowder. It was mid- "Oh Happiness" which I've mentioned before on this here bla(h)g. I hope they listen to it and it touches their heart. Crazier things have happened, to be sure. I hope they listen... that would be cool.

I also hope I don't soon forget the feeling I have right now. After I got off the phone w/ my insurance company and realized that there was no bail out, no check in the mail... it was a feeling of... I don't know how to describe it... its like I realized I was on my own- like this was my deal now. And I had no choice but to go to God- I mean, what else is there? It's hard to explain, but there's freedom when you don't have stuff. Fewer distractions, fewer things in the way... I'm at peace with my loss, haha, and I'm glad to be in God's grip. So enjoy my sunglasses and awesome Twins fleece jacket and Christmas gifts from my brother. I hope you appreciate my taste in music, and you like the dried apricots that I just bought. I feel sad for you that you need to take my stuff in order for you to feel good. I'll keep you in my prayers and I hope you'll leave my car alone in the future. Also, if you could return those notebooks, my spare key, and my hat that I FINALLY got bent perfectly, I'd really appreciate it. OH and my mirror too... that's just rude. :)

mmhmmm

2011-01-09T01:57:00.001-06:00

Well, seeing as he's kind of a champion of the field that I may or may not be a part of some day, I decided to give good ole Clive Staples Lewis another go. I still am not all goo-goo over him, but this passage caught my heart, as it were.

Of all arguments against love none makes so strong an appeal to my nature as “Careful! This might lead you to suffering.” To my nature, my temperament, yes. Not to my conscience. When I respond to that appeal I seem to myself to be a thousand miles away from Christ. If I am sure of anything I am sure that His teaching was never meant to confirm my congenital preference for safe investments and limited liabilities.…
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

-From The Four Loves, as found in The Inspirational Writings of C.S. Lewis

know what I mean, Verne?

2011-01-05T00:21:00.000-06:00

A man whom I greatly respected was called to his eternal home today. Verne was a pastor and Hebrew scholar and just an all around really great guy to know. He always made me feel like I was important. He was a sort-of interim pastor at our church for over a year and he'd often come in to my office and play guitar for me as we talked theology. I just served communion with him a couple of weeks ago and he communed me and almost made me cry with the blessing he gave over me. I actually was going to blog about it, but I got lazy. He was a tremendous orator- he perfected the 4 syllable- "Je-ee-sus-sa".
After church I told him about my plans to be an apologist and he was bursting with enthusiasm. "We need minds like yours, Korman! God's got a plan for you!" he said. He also shed a tear when he talked about his wife's miraculous recovery from cancer and the turn around his son is going through- coming back to church. His wife is now in intensive care...
We made plans for him to tutor me in Hebrew. In fact I was going to call him tomorrow to arrange a meeting. I wonder what the language of Heaven is... Verne speaking Hebrew with Daniel and Isaiah is a pretty cool thought...
Pretty sad day though, for us who knew and so dearly appreciated him. He was the king of schmoozers, I aspire to his greatness. He also always smelled very good. I think it was his hand lotion... good stuff. I could smell him coming before he entered a room- in a good way.
It is always a cool thing when a pastor dies, however. The culmination of our faith's journey ends with the mortal passing in to eternity. Verne is with He whom he professed and loved, and that is pretty cool. He was a tremendous blessing to me, and he will be missed.

tops in 2010

2011-01-04T12:44:00.003-06:00

I know these are the un-interesting types of bla(h)g posts, but writing this little post makes all the hundreds of dollars I spent on movies and music this year all worth it... so quit your whinning. :)

Top Albums
My top 6 albums of 2010-

1- Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons. There is no weak song on this album. Its like you need to rest after listening to it, its so intense for so long. An absolute amazing debut album, I can't wait for the next. I would be really surprised if this isn't one of the best albums of the decade. Its that good.
Favorite lyric:
Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.

2- Counting Stars by Andrew Peterson. I talked about this album when it came out, and I have only grown to love it more and more. There is little I can say about AP that isn't just doting praise. He is a true renaissance man who has such a deep and unique perspective on our God, but is able to translate it into what seems to be a simple lyric... Just amazing. Its not often a singer/songwriter can be considered a blessing, but that is exactly what I consider Andrew Peterson.
Favorite Lyric:
Well I remember how they scorned the Son of Mary
He was gentle as a lamb, gentle as a lamb
He was beaten, He was crucified and buried
And in the night my hope was gone

But the rulers of this earth could not control Him
No they did not take His life, He laid it down
And all the chains of death could never hope to hold Him
So in the night my hope lives on

3- B.o.B- The Adventures of Bobby Ray. How one can go from Andrew Peterson to B.o.B is really hard to explain, but man this is a solid album. It's simple pop music. There's nothing complicated or all that special about it, but yet it struck a chord with me this year. It is a complete album- from start to finish there isn't really a weak song. I like that there's no profanities and as a whole, the subject matter is above the grossness that has become standard in pop music today. Plus there's some really cool collabs with Rivers Coumo from Weezer, Lupe Fiasco (a long time favorite of mine), Rhianna and Eminem. Its a fun, light album that really is fantastic!
Favorite Lyric:
Cause I was in the cold
Tryin to keep my toes unfroze
Now I’m in your house
Now I’m in your stove
Now I’m everywhere that your ipod goes
Everything I seen was a dream
Just a moment ago

4- Lecrae- Rehab. Lecrae is a Christian rapper. Seeing that one of two things use to come to mind. 1- he's gotta be really lame and his rhymes gotta be weak, or 2- its just preaching to a beat. Lecrae changed my mind about the whole Christian rap genre. Not only did he sell out EVERY stop on his last tour, but he is top 10 in total sales for ALL of rap this year- secular or otherwise, he's top 10. That's amazing! He is really good, and this album is truly a masterpiece. I really thing it is going to open big doors for the Christian rap world to be in the secular setting, and that is really special.
Favorite Lyric:
But God sees through my foolish pride,
And I'm weak life Adam another victim of Lucifer's foolish lies
But then in steps Jesus,
All men were created to lead but we need somebody to lead us
More than a teacher,
But somebody who buy us back from the darkness,
Say He redeemed us,

5- Zac Brown Band- You Give What You Get. It really is nothing special, but it's fun and sing-alongable. It has a Jimmy Buffett feel, and I love that. Just a fun listen.
Favorite Lyric:
Wrote a note, said "Be back in a minute"
Bought a boat and I sailed off in it
Don't think anybodies gonna miss me anyway
Mind on a permanent vacation
The ocean is my only medication
Wishin' my condition aint ever gonna go away

Now I'm knee deep in the water somewhere
Got the blue sky breeze blowin' wind thru my hair
Only worry in the world
is the tide gonna reach my chair

6- Arcade Fire- The Suburbs. I don't know... I hated it then I loved it, and now I'm really appreciating it. Any album that causes this much internal strife really has to be on my top list... Its just... its so complicated, this album... Gah, I need to go listen to it again.
Favorite Lyric: None. I hate them all... no wait, I love them all... AHHH!

Favorite Movies- (I'll keep this short, lest i NEVER post!)
1- King's Speech. Truly moving.
2- Inception. So many twists and turns...
3- Toy Story 3. A cartoon made me cry.
4- True Grit. Well, just the dialogue... the movie as a whole was kind of disappointing, but the dialogue is AMAZING.
5- Book of Eli. Thoroughly entertaining and engrossing
6- Tron. Was it Oscar-worthy? no. Was it fun? yes.

Favorite Singles-
1- Nelly- Just a Dream.
2- Airplanes- B.o.B
3- Love the Way You Lie- Eminem/Rihana
4- Last Frontier- Andrew Peterson
5- Forget You- Cee Lo
6- Go To Sleep- Arcade Fire
7- I Will Find A Way- Andy Gullahorn and Jill Phillips
8- Just the Way You Are- Brun Mars
9- Colder Weather- Zac Brown Band
10- Ooh Ahh by Grits. (This came out in 2002, but i just discovered it... :) )

WHEW That took way too long.
go back to doing something meaningful with your day. :)

remember this one.

2011-01-01T01:55:00.000-06:00

OK I know I've had a couple other posts like this, and I rarely follow through, but I resolve to do so this time! :)
I don't want to forget these ideas, but I'm le tired and I need to sleep SO coming in the next 7 days:
my top 2010 albums/singles
the story of how I almost died, and live to tell about it
my new year's resolution
and, maybe if you're lucky, for good measure, my year in review... we'll see about that one.

... I think that's all I can think of...
SO happy New Year, enjoy your 1-1-11, and check back on Sunday for something with some substantial substance.
hip, hip!

nah, you're good...

2010-12-30T01:05:00.003-06:00

Eph 4:32- Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

I don’t pretend to be the author of this idea, but it is one that I am proud to pay forward. For the past several months I have been very intentional in saying “you’re forgiven” when someone apologizes to me. Rather than blow it off or say, “nah you’re good” or “it’s OK”, I let them know that I forgive them. I think this serves two purposes. 1- it validates the person’s apology. If someone is indeed sorry for whatever they did to warrant an apology, it isn’t my place to diminish that fact by shrugging off their penitence. Obviously, there are occasions in which someone doesn’t need to apologize- like when their flight is delayed so the driver has to wait around a little longer… no need to apologize/receive forgiveness for that because unless you were the pilot, you had no bearing on the flight schedule. But if someone has indeed done something that they are sorry about, far be it from me to tell them their sorrow is unneeded.

2- it allows me to forgive as Jesus forgave me. That’s a really cool thing. By forgiving a friend, they feel a teeny tiny little piece of Jesus’ forgiveness that He bestowed upon each and every one of us on the cross. Not only that, but by forgiving, I am living the life of one who is indeed forgiven, for only a forgiven man can forgive. That little reassurance of forgiveness of our wrongdoings is really refreshing in our personal lives and fundamental to our faith lives. May I always share Jesus as I freely forgive as He forgave me!

525,600

2010-12-28T04:07:00.000-06:00

well i set out to bla(g)h tonight, but instead i went through this here piece of the Internets from January to today with a cherished friend. Its been a good year- one with lots of changes, realizations, and peaks and valleys...
but through it all love remains...

Jesus' blood never failed me yet
never failed me yet
Jesus' blood never failed me yet
this one thing i know
that He loves me so

is the Jars of Clay song. It's an interesting story, actually-
its a song by a homeless that a man named Gavin Bryars turned into a musical composition - he said this about it:

In 1971, when I lived in London, I was working with a friend, Alan Power, on a film about people living rough in the area around Elephant and Castle and Waterloo Station. In the course of being filmed, some people broke into drunken song - sometimes bits of opera, sometimes sentimental ballads - and one, who in fact did not drink, sang a religious song "Jesus' Blood Never Failed Me Yet". This was not ultimately used in the film and I was given all the unused sections of tape, including this one.

When I played it at home, I found that his singing was in tune with my piano, and I improvised a simple accompaniment. I noticed, too, that the first section of the song - 13 bars in length - formed an effective loop which repeated in a slightly unpredictable way. I took the tape loop to Leicester, where I was working in the Fine Art Department, and copied the loop onto a continuous reel of tape, thinking about perhaps adding an orchestrated accompaniment to this. The door of the recording room opened on to one of the large painting studios and I left the tape copying, with the door open, while I went to have a cup of coffee. When I came back I found the normally lively room unnaturally subdued. People were moving about much more slowly than usual and a few were sitting alone, quietly weeping.

I was puzzled until I realised that the tape was still playing and that they had been overcome by the old man's singing. This convinced me of the emotional power of the music and of the possibilities offered by adding a simple, though gradually evolving, orchestral accompaniment that respected the tramp's nobility and simple faith. Although he died before he could hear what I had done with his singing, the piece remains as an eloquent, but understated testimony to his spirit and optimism."

Anyway... Jesus' love has never failed me, and never will. The same love that held Him to a cross and took away my sins, that same love picks me up when I fall... which is oft, and dusts me off and carries me on my way... He never fails, because He can't. He's God, and by that nature God can't lie or change or stop loving. He is indeed Love, and He has bestowed it upon me insomuch as my guilt, and pain, and fears, and burdens are lifted off my weak and feeble shoulders and put squarely upon the Infinite where they need never worry me again. This... this is.. so... wow.
while the world around me changes, His Love is changeless, and for that I say, for what it's worth, Thank you.

What I learned today: In N Out Burgers are so worth the hype
What I learned about God today: Patience and love...
also, I'm grateful for "processing times", and glad to be real and (almost) equal... :)

Ramblings from the Simple Minded

ho hum

...

Chisel Away

6 days... plus 30

perdy

now i know...

the good stuff

Beheld.

GK, you're great!

simply put:

Go out and start creating...

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done…” -C.S. Lewis

mums the word

a thankful monologue

Project 2012

God Made You Special

hmmmm

just call me Mr. Knight

stained.

a little comic relief...

Beloved.

Because He Lives

uprooted

“Our identity rests in God's relentless tenderness for us revealed in Jesus Christ.” ― Brennan Manning

wow.

Spurgeon on Psalm 121

humph.

Asleep

Tuesdays with Buechner!!

God as a House and a Pilot. Or: Two About a Storm.

booked it

daily bread

Tuesdays with Buechner!!!!

A Need to Breathe

The Vine

Tuesdays with Buechner!!!!

Solid Declaration

lotto!

New stuff from Aaron Shust

Tuesdays with Buechner!!!

sunday funday

most vexatious.

clang a lang

Its a shame about ray

gts

Tuesdays with Buechner

swing set

Farmer Bob.

Without Running Away

So Jonas

inspo

More Frederick Buechner Gems

And All God's People Said...

so fly

back on the horse

Retreat

sept fifth twenty eleven as i pontificate and try to heal...

hmm...

glimmering, shimmering light

Today's verse of the day

"To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means." — Brennan Manning

baaa

choo choo

on being green.

kapow!

hope

leaven

lifer

(the real) three sixty five.

three sixty five (take one)

Times... they are...

typoing aion't a;lways easy.

So close!

better than that...

hmmmmmmmmm

a song for my monday.

salsa and screenprinting... hmmm....

Three fiddy random.

BUMMER!

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done…”
-C.S. Lewis

“Our identity rests in God's relentless tenderness for us revealed in Jesus Christ.”
― Brennan Manning

"To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means."
— Brennan Manning