Sunday, January 31, 2010

Tonight it's Me and Kerouac...

“I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion”
-Jack Kerouac

Today I learned:
what loyalty... and disloyalty looked like... not sure which one makes me more confounded.

Today I learned concerning God:
the gifts He gives well used in real life is a beautiful sight to see...

Saturday, January 30, 2010

are you living?

I’ve Never been accused of being physically fit. I sold fitness equipment at Sportmart, and I knew how they worked, knew how to sell them, but I never used them!
In fact, I never really understood why anyone would want to run.
Being chased by a knife yielding gang member-ok
Playing a game- fine
Run for the joy of running? Not interested.
You never see pictures or video of people smiling while running. They’re always sweaty, unhappy looking and red…
Not appealing.
I've ran once.
It was the summer after my jr. year of high school. There was this girl that I had a crush on and I wanted to impress her. There was a gathering at her house one night and I slept over. For some reason, I decided to tell her that I got up early to go run every morning… I have no idea where that lie came from, but she seemed impressed so I went with it.
Thankfully, I had just bought my first ever pair of running shoes, because I thought they looked cool... and they were on the clearance rack... I certainly had no intention of actually running in them…
but the females…
they have power…

Anyway, early the next morning I reluctantly awoke. I tried to stay quiet and not wake anyone up. I hoped that I could fake it. But no! Apparently they are a family of early wakers, because both her and her dad we wide awake and wanted to watch me run off.

So I got outside and started to stretch out… it sunk in… I was really gonna go for a jog… I glanced up to see father and daughter happily waiting in the large bay window watching be begin my journey.
I started down the driveway. A drive never seemed so long, but there I was on it.
Running.
I ran until I knew I was out of their sight. After doubling over in out-of-shape pain I realized that I was out there in the country, so I figured I might as well do something. So I started to jog/walk (emphasis on walk) down some meandering country roads. The sun had just risen and there was a pretty dew on the fields… it was actually pretty serene. However, I got so caught up in the moment, that after 15 minutes or so, I realized I had no idea where I was! I was completely and totally lost! Everything looked the same. I wondered for at least another 45 minutes, until I finally saw her car coming. So I started running again. All cool-like.
Her grey Toyota sped toward me at break-neck speed. She was frantic! She thought I had a heart attack!! Her dad was going to call the cops I was gone so long!
Needless to say she didn’t seem too impressed anymore. And, at the end of the day, it didn’t work out between us… we never dated and I never ran again….


Philippians 3:10-14
10I want to know Christ and the power of his
resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him
in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect,
but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing
I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on
toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in
Christ Jesus.

When Paul wrote these verses, he had been a Christian for many years. He had grown in the knowledge of Christ
He went from killer and persecutor of Christians to the most revered apostle of His time and most revered missionary of our time. As he wrote this letter to the Philippians, he was in chains, losing his personal freedom for the cause of Christ Jesus. He had not yet “arrived” spiritually or reached the goal of Perfection. He was still in a sinful world. He was still a sinner: still troubled by weakness, still burdened by his failings as a human being.
Though he was a child of God by faith, he had not yet arrived at the point where he could perfectly and uninterruptedly serve God or enjoy the fullness of the blessings God had in store for him. That would have to wait till he entered Heaven. Meanwhile he lived his life in a constant striving for holiness. He relentlessly pressed on toward the goal of Paradise- putting his not-so-great past behind him and fully focusing on the goal of Heavenly perfection before him.

Paul’s outlook on life should really echo our own-
I don’t think anyone I know has killed Christians…
Maybe I don’t want to know if you have…
But how many have lied, cheated, and stolen? How many are holding grudges? Spreading rumors, and making fun of others? How many are giving in the world’s pressure of sexual immorality and indulgence? How many have things in our pasts that we don’t want anyone to find out?

Let the words of Paul resound in your hearts and minds, dear redeemed!
Forgetting what is behind
Straining toward what is ahead
Press on toward heaven.

What is done is done
It’s time that is gone
It’s actions and words that cannot be taken back
We bring them to the cross
And rest in the promise and assurance that all sins everything- every thing- big or small
Are all washed clean in the blood of Jesus
They are forgotten by God
Now we can let them go as well
Put it behind us- along with the guilt and shame
It’s all washed clean on the cross

Then we can fix your eyes on Jesus as we strain toward the goal. Notice the word “straining” Paul uses to describe our lives- it’s not skipping or meandering- it’s straining- like you see people when they’re in a race- they’re working hard; pressing on.

That’s our life-
Hard, hot, sweaty, tough.
Not always easy, not always pleasant.
We cramp up, we hurt, we fall.
But thanks be to God that when we do fall, we fall into nail-marked hands of our Savior Jesus. With His arms spread wide open waiting to embrace us and tell us job well done.

Success in an athletic competition depends not only on ability and conditioning,
But also on an athlete’s mental state.
Concentration is key. Over confidence, lack of mental alertness or mental toughness can cost an athlete dearly

Spiritual dullness, overconfidence and lack of concentration can likewise cost Christians
Paul urges us in Phil 2:12 to never stop working at our salvation. If we don’t concentrate on living the Christian life the Lord wants us to live- our SANCTIFIED lives- Holy lives- set apart as His children, like an over confident athlete, we could be eliminated from the race and the goal and prize of God’s blessings lost.
We’ve all see the footage of the football player or sprinter that looks back to see what’s behind him and then goes off course or trips in the open field. Taking our eyes off the prize can be costly.
Hebrews 12:2, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith”
May we never loose sight of the wonderful cross, and never forget the pain, torment, and blood it took to give us the gift of heaven.

Perfection will not be ours here on earth- but we resolve nonetheless to live as Christ wants us to live, and as the Holy Spirit gives us strength:
With pure hearts and minds.
With eyes fixed on Jesus.
Thoughts, words and deeds rooted in the cross.
Just as running and lifting builds endurance in an athlete, so too digging deep into the Word of God and living lives as Christ’s ambassadors gives us spiritual endurance and bolsters our saving faith.
Believe that, my dear friends! Our steps are determined by the Most High. Our futures are in His hand. Press on, keep on running- straining toward that goal of heaven!!

My one and only brush with running was fake, all a farce to impress a girl. I had no endurance. No real desire. No lung capacity. No goal in mind. No idea where I was going. It was a lost cause… literally.
Don’t let that be you in your faith life. Don’t fake it.
Don’t just say the things the people around you want to hear. Don’t aim to please for the sake of pleasing. The race you’re running is a personal one-on-one with God.
It’s real, He is living. His sacrifice was once and for all. Now our lives are to be a reflection of the love he showed us on the cross. Live for him because he died for you!! Our relationship with Jesus is personal, intimate- we are his beloved! The finish line is in Paradise. We don’t know when the race will end, so we must keep running!
Keep striving! Keep straining! The course long, but the Lord’s mercy is wide

ARE YOU LIVING?


When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My
richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my
God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His
blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow
mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so
rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,
Spreads o’er His body
on the tree;
Then I am dead to all the globe,
And all the globe is dead
to me.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far
too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all

Lord grant us the endurance to run the race so that you will be glorified in our lives.

Friday, January 29, 2010

holy moly!

i turn 29 in 12 days... unreal. totally unreal.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

petra.

I had to give a consise account of my faith for a class... so I decided to post it here too...
I was baptized into faith as an infant on February 22, 1981. As Luther explains the third article in his Catechism, “I believe that I cannot by my own thinking or choosing believe in Jesus Christ, my Lord, or come to him. But the Holy Spirit has called me by the gospel, enlightened me with his gifts, sanctified and kept me in the true faith. In the same way he calls, gathers, enlightens, and sanctifies the whole Christian Church on earth, and keeps it with Jesus Christ in the one true faith. In this Christian Church he daily and fully forgives all sins to me and all believers. On the Last Day he will raise me and all the dead, and give eternal life to me and all believers in Christ.”

My parents are my rock and gaveme an amazing foundation of faith while I was growing up. My dad is a Lutheran pastor and my mom was a Lutheran elementary school teacher for decades. They have been a shining Christian example and have helped me grow in my faith and knowledge of Jesus Christ. They are indeed a tremendous gift from our Creator.

As Paul says in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” It is impossible to have Jesus living within me and not live a changed life. I know that my salvation is sure and it is my prayer that my thoughts, words, and actions glorify my Savior in all I do.

What I learned today:
4 US Presidents have won the Nobel Peace Prize- Obama, Carter, Roosevelt, and Wilson.

What I learned about God today:
He abides.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

back in the day...

SO I’m in an odd season of my life right now. The fact that I’m mere days away from my 29th birthday is a crazy trip… and the aforementioned peers all married with children and a little stagnation in on the work front have all sort of put me in a frame of mind that I haven’t ever been in before… This school thing is truly the most difficult- mentally, physically, emotionally endeavor I have ever been a part of- at least for this long of time. I’m actually glad about that, though. I was in the habit of cruising through life and talking my way out of any strenuous activity. The fact that this adventure is as taxing as it is makes me really appreciate the light at the end of the tunnel. As Lucille Ball said, “In life, all the good things come hard.”
As for my job, I really think the Lord is preparing me for a change. What/Where/When? I have no idea, but there’s an unsettled tinge in my soul… something that’s never been there before, and I have a feeling change is afoot. We’ll see…
Regardless, I’m in a bit of a rut right now- not necessarily a bad rut, I just have more parameters on my time than I have had for more than half a decade. So it’s easy to think of times gone by, and reminisce. As I was writing my SUPER boring musical history (again, sorry for that…) I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by the memories that all those albums and songs have attached to them. And so, I am going to list some of the best seasons of my life tonight. My reasons are twofold: ONE- to make my heart smile and feed the human desire to long for the “good old days”, and TWO- to remind myself that after every rain there is the sun, and good times lay ahead… I just don’t know how far down the road they’re laying…
SO some good times (again, anyone reading this will find it totally boring, probably narcissistic, and downright confusing… but it’s not for you, so deal with it. :-) )
In no particular order:

Winter/spring 2005- I was at Bethany… for the 2nd time… working hockey production, side-kicking “The Show with Mikel Lauber”, acting in “Ruddagore”, getting ready for choir tour, getting back from band tour… great times. PLUS Mike and I would head to New Ulm to hang at Kagel with the best group of girls I’ve ever known… and, of course, staying at Jefferson house with all the roommates… the Fate-ful birthday… the luckiest day ever- (the day after St. Patrick’s Day was a HUGE snow storm and we got stuck in New Ulm)… discovering the Luckiest… filming my movie (OK that wasn’t ALL good times, but still a fun experience…) finding the Oleander… Working for Lo… every facet of life was a complete and total joy. Hard to believe I walked away from it…

Summer 2002- YNP. Greatest. Summer. EVER. There is way too much to list. Mountains. People. Great job. Daily adventures… it just got better and better every day. I fell in love with Wyoming, and I really fear going back someday because it will never be in reality what it is in my head (if that makes any sense). Just looking at pictures honestly makes me cry because I know I will never have such an amazing experience like that ever again. Totally and completely awesome in every way. Sadly, I left that for China, and while China was a fantastic time, it paled in comparison...

Summer 2003- 22 and loving life. Just got back from China, Working at the OG with some wonderful people, all the old crew was still together. Late, late, late nights on 1st Ave. HenkelPalooza… landscaping with the boys… twins games (25 of them!) with the matt’s and jaker… In hindsight, I did some really stupid stuff, but had a great time doing it :-) It would have been awesome if digital cameras existed back then like they do now, because there would have been a TON of memories caught on film… then again, maybe its OK they didn’t…

Spring 1998- I really consider this time of my life as the time I became who I am… I had put the crap of sophomore year (aka the Frey era) behind me… I started doing the things I enjoyed… got into some great music, made some new relationships, and was in the spring musical, H.M.S. Pinafore. That was a really, really fun play and the people were so great… The lessons I learned in those 3 or 4 months really shaped me, and I’ll forever look back on that time fondly. Talk about a turn around, too. 1997 was most definitely my darkest time, but that spring junior year everything sad came untrue.

OK I’ve gone on long enough… you’re all thoroughly bored, I’m sure. Bottom line: I know God is near and His plan is greater than my greatest plan, but that doesn’t make the lessons I’m learning right now any less difficult. So I forge ahead knowing I’m not alone and that my times and my future are squarely in the hands of the Almighty- right where they should be. Good times ahead!

What I Learned Today:
This is so silly, but I always thought Esther and Ruth were somehow related… I don’t know why… but I learned today that they most certainly are not. Also, the book of Esther doesn’t ever mention the word “God” or “Lord”…Thanks Professor Harstad!

What I Learned About God Today:

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
-Psalm 40:2,3,5

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Times Roman Font Announces Shortage of Periods

By Steve Martin
The New Yorker
June 9, 1997

Representatives of the popular Times Roman font recently announced a shortage of periods and have offered substitutes--such as inverted commas, exclamation marks, and semicolons--until the crisis is overcome by people such as yourself, who through creative management of surplus punctuation can perhaps allay the constant demand for periods, whose heavy usage in the last ten years (not only in English but in virtually every language in the world) is creating a burden on writers everywhere, thus generating a litany of comments, among them: "What the heck am I supposed to do without my periods? How am I going to write?" Isn't this a terrible disaster? Are they crazy? Won't this just lead to misuse of other, less interesting punctuation " ...The magazine International Hebrew has offered this emergency statement: "We currently have an oversupply of backwards periods and will be happy to send some to Mister Brainard or anyone else facing a crisis!"
period backwards the in slip you while moment a for way other the look to sentence the getting is trick only The

The general concern of writers is summed up by this brief telegram:
Period shortage musn't continue stop
Stop-stoppage must come to full stop stop
We must resolve it and stop the stop- stoppage stop
Yours truly, Tom Stoppard
Needless to say, there has been an increasing pressure on the ellipsis... Writer quotes a spokesperson for the font, who says, "... An ellipsis point is too weak to stop a modern sentence, which would require at least two ellipsis points, leaving the third dot to stand alone pointlessly--and, indeed, two periods at the end of a sentence would look like a typo, comprende? And why is Times Roman so important? Why can't writers employ some of our other, lesser-used fonts, such as Goofy Deluxe, Namby Pamby Extra Narrow, or Gone Fishin'?" ... Remembering the Albertus Extra Bold asterisk embargo of several years back, one hopes the crisis is solved quickly, because a life of exclamation marks, no matter how superficially exciting, is no life at all! ...The shortage itself may be a useful one, provided it's over quickly, for it has made at least this author appreciate and value his one spare period, and it is with great respect that I use it now.
--------
Steve Martin's Pure Drivel is one of the best books ever!


What I Learned Today: how NOT to catch a basketball… I saw a pinky dislocated today… not pretty. Not pretty at all.



What I Learned about God: "the Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him." Nahum 1:7

Monday, January 25, 2010

the musical history of me... kinda...

OK so I’ve been thinking about this post for a long time, but to actually put it all together has proven to be quite daunting.
Music is a huge part of my life… perhaps the hugest… My life has been one big musical journey, and I can vividly remember many events and people because of the music with which they’re associated. It is no secret that I love the show Dawson’s Creek. There are several reasons why- chief of which being Katie Holms, of course- but I love how there’s always the perfect song playing when the moment is right… that’s how my brain works… anyway… here is a musical history of me.

My parents are both music lovers- as are my grandparents (my mom’s parents never missed an episode of Lawrence Welk). My dad’s vinyl collection was extensive. I remember the smooth tones of John Denver and Andy Williams playing as a kid. But I also remember Keith Green and Evie. Other early influences were Amy Grant, Sandi Patti, and my all-time favorite Petra. Then my dad got into Michael Card, and my affinity for acoustic guitar began. I also remember when my dad came home with a tune he had heard on the radio and he made my mom and I sit down immediately and listen. The album was Ray Boltz’s Allegiance, and the song was “Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb”. Great album; awesome song. Ray Boltz’s “Watch the Lamb” always made my mom cry.

While my parents were rockin’ to Fernando Ortega, my brother was in high school and had some amazing CD’s that I often pillaged to make MixTapes a’plenty. Amazing stuff like Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, STP, Pearl Jam, Weezer, Tori Amos, Beastie Boys, and of course Nirvana were all in his CD rack. I used to listen to those albums for hours on end. About that same time (7th grade) a class mate, Geoff Luckman gave me a super sweet mixtape that had Ugly Kid Joe’s “Cats in the Cradle”, Metallica’s “Master of the Puppetts” and G&R’s “Paradise City” on it. I didn’t really understand the lyrics, but I really dug the tunes… My neighbor Shawn was big into Michael Jackson, and we’d watch Thriller over and over again. He and I would go to the library all the time- I’d get stuff like Bobby McFerrin, Randy Travis, Michael W. Smith, and Canadian Brass, and every CD Weird Al Yankavich ever made.

Can you see how eclectic my tastes are? By 8th grade (1995) my buddy Drew got into rap hardcore. He exposed me to the likes of Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, NWA, CB40, Onyx, Notorious B.I.G, Tupac Snow, and Vanilla Ice. I, of course, couldn’t own any of that stuff, but we’d listen to it in his basement after our Saturday bowling matches.

It was May of 1995 that I bought my first two CD’s I ever. Nirvana Unplugged and Green Day Dookie. I bought them because Alison Fox was having a big party and I wanted to bring some cool tunes. Both those albums absolutely rocked my world. I still have both of them, and they still get a lot of use.

My Freshman year of high school was filled with Boyz II Men, Az Yet, Hootie and the Blowfish, and the like. I didn’t know any better… That was also the year I met Chris Eisenbeis. Chris was a musical god. He got me into the Beatles and the Who and the Eagles, to name a few. At the same time a super cool dude named Dayton got me into Silverchair. Frogstomper was a kickin’ CD. Not only that, but every morning I got a ride from my buddy Jake’s dad who would listen to the local classic rock station every morning, so that opened my eyes to a lot of solid music that really changed everything. Jars of Clay was also introduced to me the summer of my freshman year.
Other early high school influences were Michael W. Smith and Glad and Eric Clapton Unplugged. Outkast’s ATLiens landed in my locker in 1996. I’ve loved them ever since.

I started hanging out with Marshall Engstrom sophomore year. With him came pop punk and ska. Stuff like Blink, Skankin’ Pickle, Homegrown, and Reel Big Fish were favorites. Along with him were the Dumann brothers. They got me into Christian punk ska- OC Supertones, Five Iron Frenzy, and Insiderz were all bands we’d go see at the New Union. On the other side of the coin I got into Dave Matthews and Ben Folds Five around the same time.

WOW. I’m writing this and I’m bored… haha let me skip ahead a little…
My first ever college roommate was Wade Murray- he had a Bebo Norman album that truly changed my life. Because I loved 10,000 days so much I got into Andrew Peterson, Jason Gray, Ceadmon’s Call, and Jackson Browne. That was huge. REALLY fast forward to 2004 and we have my meeting Mikel Lauber. He really made me who I am today = ). He is a music lover and I kept on asking for a mixtape from him. He sent me two tunes that made me change musical course. “Mexico” by Jump Little Children and Clem Snide’s “Beautiful” officially got me into indie rock. From there I got into Guster and Muse and Postal Service and DC4C… to name a few. Not only that, but he gave me the Garden State Soundtrack… Plus he got me back into Ben Folds. For that alone I’m forever grateful.
I have always had a huge music collection, but with exception of Garth Brooks: the Hits, there was no country. Well, I decided a couple of years ago that in order to be truly well-rounded and more attractive to the opposite sex (chicks dig country) I would have to venture into Nashville songs. SO, $100 later on iTunes and I became a HUGE fan of Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood, Rascal Flatts, and Taylor Swift. My iPod now really has everything!
Yeah… I could go on for at least another 3 pages, but I’ll stop… this is really really boring! haha I hope no one actually read this far… Bottom line, I have always been drawn to people who love music. The tunes you dig says a lot about you and your character, I think. People who are into great music and love to hear new stuff make me happy. Jason Gray told me that the saddest thing he sees in today’s young people is they don’t seem to love music like we did as kids. I’m not one to ever doubt Jason Gray’s wisdom, so I’d have to agree. : )

Here’s a list of the albums that have made biggest impact on my life. You could call them life-changing:

Bebo Norman, 10,000 Days
Outkast, Stankonia
Ben Folds Five, Forever and Ever Amen
Petra, Praise: The Rock Cries Out
Nirvana, MTV Unplugged in New York
Nirvana, Nevermind
Smashing Pumpkins, Siamese Dreams
Jason Gray, A Place Called Hope
Dave Matthews Band, Crash
The Garden State Soundtrack
Jars of Clay, Jars of Clay
Jars of Clay, Much Afraid
Reel Big Fish, Turn the Radio Off
Linkin Park, Hybrid Theory
Weezer, Blue Album
Michael W. Smith, I’ll Lead You Home
Ray Boltz, Allegiance
Awesome God: A Tribute to Rich Mullens

Ugh. What a disappointing post. I’m sorry that you had to go through this…

WHAT I LEARNED TODAY:
Snow+wind= craptastic driving.

WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT GOD TODAY:
I’m seeing more and more His role in history. He has kept his people safe and has preserved His church in amazing ways. I’m jus now learning about how amazing they are. He’s good.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Away From The Cold

A message from the future. :)

IKISTWSWSYTBI(WOITEO)BIWTWCMIMLSD... YTWBN. :)

Things That Need to be Invented (part II)

OK so we all know there's a MILLION China Buffets in the MSP area... so we need a website that rates them and talks about them and says what they have. Everyone knows that there are some AWESOME buffets, and some terrible ones... some have amazing cream cheese puffs, some have nasto crab rangoons... these are the things this fantastic webstie would discuss... greatest. idea. ever.
anyway, someone needs to get on that.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

word.

There is no such thing on earth as an uninteresting subject; the only thing that can exist is an uninterested person.
-G.K. Chesterton

What I learned today:
Everything I wanted to know about the nuclear situation in the early 80's. Charlie is a fascinating man!!

What I learned about God today:
...man, i dunno... i guess i further learned that he's teaching me something... i just wish i knew when this particular class would end...

what a day!

Man oh man it was a long one...
I rocked BLC out like it was twenty oh-three...
ate some Bucas like it was going out of style...
saw me a one-act that made me laugh like i was sippin' nitrous...
sadly, i had to say no to friends i haven't seen a while, but i got to hang with people i love...
so it's coo'
and now i sleep.
goodnight moon
goodnight crazy icy sidewalks
goodnight brett favre. :)

TODAY I learned:
How to bow out gracefully. Well done Conan! Can't wait to see what's next!

TODAY I learned about God:
home is where you are.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

what could be...

i know you're going to hurt me.
i know you're going to break my heart.
i know you're only going to let me down,
and tear my emotions apart.
but logic could never convince a heart,
and my heart is what you have...
i've tried to resist, but can resist no more.
even though in high school you deflated me like never before...
i'm willing to put my trust in you again.

it all comes down to sunday 5:40 in New Orleans.
come on vikings, do me proud!
i love you brett favre.

What I Learned Today:
I realized that I have some pretty awesome connections to some pretty awesome people. I'm truly blessed.

What I Learned About God Today:
...this can be best summed up by my man Jason Gray
"The Cut"
God peels back the bark,tears you apart
to get to the heart of what matters the most
you're cold and you're scared as His love lays you bear
but in the shaping of your soul, the cut makes you whole...

yep. good stuff.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Oh Happiness!

Well I’m a little disappointed with myself. I have been bla(h)ging everyday- which is great- but I’ve been approaching it like it’s an assignment or something. I’ll put something silly down just to be able to “turn it in”… that certainly was not the goal of this exercise in dedication, linguistics, and therapy. Alas, some days are just to muddled with the mundane to put any real thought into a bla(h)g post, and so it is what it is.

Today was an interesting day. I started off a little later that I usually do. Just 30 minutes, but it made a big difference when it came to people on the road. There were easily 50% more cars on 169 with me than there would be a half an hour earlier. 50% more cars to drive slowly and erratically and to drive ME insane. MAN I was road-ragin’ hardcore. I just wanted to set my cruise and sort of tune out whist listening to the smooth Scandinavian genius of Siagar Ros… but NO! This panel van (sent from Satan himself, no doubt) decided to hang out in the left lane and fluctuate between 60 and 80 as I tried to get around him… I’m sure he was amused. I was not. Sigh.
Nonetheless, I got to school all safe and sound like with 6 minutes to spare. If the worst thing in my day was a moron panel-van driver… than I’m doing OK.

I’ve been exploring more Brennan Manning lately. He’s a philosopher of sorts. As well as a theologian/former priest/ recovering alcoholic/ man whom I greatly admire. He puts the intimacy of God and His desire for a relationship with us in such poetic terms, you have to read his books three times before you can truly appreciate all he’s trying to say.
His latest work is called “The Furious Longing of God”, and is just as fantastic as all his writing. He says this,


"I believe the Christianity happens with men and women experience the reckless,
raging confidence that comes from knowing the God of Jesus Christ.” … “The
shattering truth of the transcendent God seeking intimacy with us is not served
by gauzy sentimentality, schmaltz, or a naked appeal to emotion, but rather the
boiling bouillabaisse of shock boarding on disbelief, wonder akin to
incredulity, and affectionate awe tinged by doubt.”
And that God’s longing to be with us

“...cannot be tamed, boxed, captivated, housebroken, or templebroken. It is simply
and startlingly Jesus, the effulgence of the Father’s love.”


And that’s just the
first chapter!!!
I think Conservative Lutherans are quick to quell the introduction of human emotion into the Christian experience. They call those who are emotional about their faith “pietists” and “schwarmers”. I understand where they are coming from- I really do- if our faith is dependant on emotions, then we are on a collision course with disaster. You needn’t spend more than 2 hours with a teenage girl to see that emotions are flighty, fickle, vast, and often baseless. The last thing we want is for our God to see our faith as fickle and manic.
Having said that, when you consider the tremendous sacrifice that our God- our creator- made for Him to once again be close to us… how can you NOT but fall on your knees in awe? How can you look at God on a cross- for YOU- and not feel anything? How can you not get chills when “I Know That My Redeemer Lives” is belted out on Easter morning, or “Abide With Me” is sung at a funeral? Have we forgotten that Jesus wept and David danced (naked even!) and the centurion beat his breast? Are those not all emotions?

Regardless, Manning squashes those who are fickle in their emotions and says that our faith is NOT schmalty and wavering, rather it is built on the Rock-solid Word of God! The fact that God became man should blow our minds, and we teeter on doubting in order for us to fully appreciate what the incarnation means; because CERTAINLY- according to our small human minds- it’s too good to be true!
I mean, God wanted so much to be reunited with us that He gave up His own Son to pay the price we could not afford. And now, because of a grace we cannot begin to fathom He has taken up residence within us! This HAS TO be too good to be true! But the glorious truth is that it IS true, and Heaven is ours for eternity because of it! And from that knowledge flows an outpouring of our faith-we boldly and unabashedly profess Christ Crucified… It is then seen in all we think, say, and do, and we love God by loving others with reckless abandon. May that be our purpose in life!

As David Crowder puts it at the end of his fantastic new album church music,

Oh, happiness!
There is grace enough for us
And the whole human race
From the full streams
Of Your care
All who come
Begin again
Hard or friend
Rich or poor
All who need
Need fear no more
Such a thing to give away!
Sound the church bells
Let 'em ring
Let 'em ring
For everyone IS (my Lutheranizing) redeemed
We ARE redeemed
All of us!
All regrets
Let go, forget
There's something that
Mends all of that!
Such a thing to give away!
Oh, happiness!
There is grace enough for us
And the whole human race!

Man… that is awesome.

Song of Solomon 2:10-13 (New International Reader's Version)

10 He said to me, “Rise up, my love. Come with me, my beautiful one.
11 Look! The winter is past. The rains are over and gone.
12 Flowers are appearing on the earth. The season for singing has come. The
cooing of doves is heard in our land.
13 The fig trees are producing their early fruit. The flowers on the vines
are giving off their sweet smell. Rise up and come, my love. Come with me, my
beautiful one.”




What I learned today:
Today I learned what courage looked like, and I’m still so proud… this too WILL pass. I promise.
What I learned about God today:
God preserves His church in amazing ways. From Joash being spared, to Luther, to the Creeds and Confessions creating a remarkable profession of Faith; God’s providence is truly amazing.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

well...

I'm rather uninspired this fine evening, and i must be off to bed as i have school in the morning. joy.
so rather than mindful expositions and quippy remarks let me just share what i learned today.

i learned that today was Poe's 201st birthday and for the past 60 years an unknown person visits his grave in Baltimore and leaves three roses and a half bottle of booze. until now. he didn't show today, and no one knows why. he might be dead. and people are sad... even though they don't know him...
yep. that's what i learned today.

what did i learn about God today?
i was reminded that nothing can ever seperate us from the love that was shown in His Son Jesus. I love lump...

so there ya go.
nighty night.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Top Albums 8 of 2009

1- David Crowder Band - Church Music
Heavy, driving, amazing layers of awesomeness that you must listen to start to finish. Truly a ground-breaking album.

2- Needtobreathe - The Outsiders
Awesome live, amazing recorded. Bluesy tunes with pop flair... great album!

3- Andy Gullahorn - The Law of Gravity
Funny yet thoughtful, he'll make you laugh and then cut you to your core.

4- Jason Gray - Everything Sad Is Coming Untrue
Amazing songwriting with a great pop appeal. Its the meeting of a genius singer/songwriter in JG, and a genius producer in Jason Ingram.

5- Andrew Osenga - Choosing Sides
Mellow, amazing lyrics make this album a delight to listen to

6- The Gabe Dixon Band - (self titled)
Piano rock for the 21st century. "World Turns" is my favorite song of the year.

7- Blind Pilot - 3 Rounds and a Sound
Indie Folk at it's finest. These guys are gonna be huge!

8- David Gray - Draw The Line
He just keeps getting better and better.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

blessings abound...

1 Chron 29:10-14
10
"Praise be to you, O LORD,
God of our father Israel,
from everlasting to everlasting.
11 Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power
and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours.
Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom;
you are exalted as head over all.
12 Wealth and honor come from you;
you are the ruler of all things.
In your hands are strength and power
to exalt and give strength to all.
13 Now, our God, we give you thanks,
and praise your glorious name.
14 "But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand.

Have you ever stopped and thought about- REALLY, truly thought about the things that you absolutely cannot live without? Obviously food and water… but I’m not talking about that- I’m talking about the things that define you the things that make up who you are. What are you without your iPod? Can you remember the days before your entire music collection was at your fingertips? I don’t think any of you lived in the days of the HUGE CD binders that we kept in our back seats. Finally in the late 90’s CD burners came out so we could make mix-tape CD”s … but for the bulk of my jr high and high school years… a portable CD player was my iPod… and THIS was my memory card. Last Christmas my ipod was stolen. I didn’t have one for 3 whole days. I thought I was going to die. Who are you w/o your iPod?

What are you w/o your house? I know we all need shelter- but the house you live in now- maybe it’s the same one you’ve lived in your whole life. You have your room and all your pictures and stuff on the walls. It’s your house- your home- what would you be without it? Not only that, but the neighborhood you live in…your friends and neighbors you grew up with. The people that maybe you played with in the back yard during the summer, or made snow forts with during the winter… If you had to get up and move tomorrow… how big of an impact would that have on you? How much of YOU is because of your house?

What are you without computers? I can’t spell worth anything, so w/o MS Word’s spell check I am a lost puppy. And the Internet- how did we ever live without it? And FACEBOOK. Oh my goodness. How did I function w/o status updates and walls to write on on people’s birthday… I had seriously 2 hours a day of more productivity before I signed up for facebook 3 years ago… But now… how did I ever live w/o it.
Or E-mail… are you like me? If I go out of town or am not at my computer for like a day, I expect to find like 400 e-mails waiting for me. Like the world knew I was unable to check my messages, and thus they’ve all piled up. I’m usually disappointed to find only Spam and junk mail…

Same with my cell phone- what would you be if you didn’t have a phone? Can you imagine not being able to be reached of 24 hours a day? Cell phones are an intricate part of our society now, but 10 years ago we used to make fun of people who had them in High school… seriously. They were almost a geek accessory… now, you’re a bit strange if you DON’T have one. I can’t even count how many phones I’ve had. At least 20. If I can’t get a hold of someone RIGHT AWAY nowadays, I get angry. Having to leave messages? Please. Answer your phone! Right? And then there’s text messaging. I used to fear t9… now I can’t live without it… and I used to think cameras on phones was the most preposterous thing ever. But now… I use it all the time…
What would you be without your cell phone?

Think about it- think about how much impact these things have in our lives. Not to mention the clothes we wear, or TV shows we watch regularly… on NBC… Thursday nights… can you imagine life without stupid Office quotes? Or how about our cars? Can any of you car-owners even THINK about riding your bike anymore? No way, your car is part of you now. It’s one of the things that helps define you as a person.
Just think of how all the things that we have make up who we are-
Ponder for a second if you would, how the stuff we own are the things that define us.

The first thing I ask when I meet someone is what? What do you do? Or what school do you go to? Our careers and education consume our lives. If you met a guy who’s 40 years old and is a cashier at Taco Johns… do you think of him differently then a 40 year old who’s a lawyer? Of course you do- we all do… because whether we like it or not, our society has put a huge weight on our lives’ ambition. And making money and excelling in our chosen field is paramount. And getting into a good school is key, as are extra curricular’s and community involvement and on and on. All these are parts of us. They make up who we are.

One more thought—if you had to list the top 5 most important things in your life, what would they be? Would it be your phone? Or your iPod or your PS3? Your car? Or your dog or maybe your family….
Think for a second, what is on your TOP 5 list? 5 things you can’t live without. What’s on the list? Got it?

The thing is, though… how different would those have been, say 5 years ago? You didn’t have an ipod, you didn’t have a car, PS3 wasn’t out yet… what was top of your list when you were in jr high? Your pokemon cards or your new Spiderman DVD? I just happen to have recently found my 5th grade yearbook. A few of my favorite things: Pizza, Adidas shoes, and TV. OK, so for me, it’s the same now as it was then.. but someother peoples- Joey Johnson was Nintendo and a hockey stick, and Melissa Germscheid was troll dolls.. so you get my point… And how different do you think the list of your teachers would be? I don’t know if half of them even know what a PS3 is… Top of their lists would be their spouses, and their kids and grandkids… priorities change with age… BUT

What defines you? What are the pieces that make up who you are? What can you not live without? Who are you without those things?

Looking at 1st Chronicles we see King David with his son Solomon at his side ready to build the temple. In front of him were all the things that the people of Israel donated to build it. The picture that is painted is mind blowing. 190 TONS of gold, 375 TONS of silver, 3,750 TONS of iron, thousands of precious gems and stones… It must have been un real to see… And here David was with the whole nation of Israel in front of him and he prays. A beautiful prayer reminding us all that everything is from God. All we have and all we need is a gift from above. And he sees all this stuff and he is kneeling before our everlasting God and then he asks- but who am I, and who are these people that we even have these things to give.

And that’s what I’m asking today. Who are we that God has blessed us so richly and deeply to give us all the gifts that he does each and every day? Who are we? What makes us so special? And then we sit and we think about our top 5 things, the things that define us and we ponder the things we just cannot live without and our God- our creator and sustainer… was He even on the list? Maybe it’s a forgone conclusion- certainly a possibility.
BUT friends, how much of who we are is made up of stuff- of cell phone and ipods and what job we have or dream of getting- how much of us is in that- and how much of Jesus is in us? Are the things of this world slowly edging out our Savior in our lives as we grow? In this financial environment that we are currently in, people are up in arms because we cannot afford today the things that we could 3 years ago, apparently. And we are scared because retirement funds are gone, and payments are higher… But I think the scariest part of it all for some people is they have found that they put their faith in a multi-national baking conglomerate. In bricks and mortar and people… and they have let us down. Fellow Redeemed, as hard as it is to imagine your life without the stuff that surrounds you, how much more frightening is the thought of our life without the creator of that stuff?
I mean, Who are we without Christ?
Who are we without the love and blood our savior Jesus? What hope and future do we have without the all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving God who made us and gave us every single thing we have?

Hopeless wonderers, empty vessels, vain creatures of self-indulgence would be all we COULD be without the blood of Jesus clothing our hearts in righteousness. If we define ourselves by and build our lives on the things of this world- the stuff that we can get and endless pursuit thereof, then we are on sinking sand, guys. We have invested in stock that is plummeting. Our eyes are focused on the inconsequential and the fleeting. Music and technology is different from day to day, from year to year- but Jesus, and only Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. For it only on Christ the Solid rock can we stand. And it is only in the arms of Jesus can we be lifted up and bought back from the very depths of Hell. Because it is ONLY thought the perfect life and innocent death of Jesus on the cross can we have forgiveness of sins, and it is only though his resurrection can we have victory over death and the devil! Our Lives are more than just trends and purchased goods. Our lives have BEEN purchased and WON by the son of God Himself, Jesus.

Don’t get me wrong, The stuff of this world is great- it really is. I love my iPod, like a child. I can’t be willingly separated from my phone,
and facebook is almost an addiction. But we must keep in perspective the fact that these are merely disposable goods. AND- That all these things- the stuff in our lockers and backpacks and rooms- all we have are literally gifts from God. Everything comes from You, oh Lord, David reminds us.
The fact is, We deserve nothing, but our God has seen fit to bless us in ways that are unfathomable to most of the world.
So enjoy the earthly gifts of God- But use them to glorify Him, not to replace them. I am attached to my iPod and phone, But they do not define me, they do not lift me up when I am weak, they cannot hear my prayers, they have no positive bearing on my eternal salvation. They are indeed gifts from God. But they are NOT my God.
The wonderful truth of the matter is, we as redeemed children have a hope and a future that is personally and lovingly crafted by the same hands that personally and lovingly crafted the mountains and oceans and sunsets and you. Our hope is in Him. It is my prayer that as a follower of the one True God we can say with the hymn writer:

Take the world, but give me Jesus;
In His cross my trust shall be,
Till, with clearer, brighter vision
Face to face my Lord I see.

And we embrace the words:

What is the world to me?
My Jesus is my Treasure,
My Life, my Health, my Wealth,
My Friend, my Love, my Pleasure,
My Joy, my Crown, my All,
My Bliss eternally.
Once more, then, I declare—
What is the world to me?

May that be our prayer until eternity.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

O Come Quickly

I just went through my old choir tour music folder, and this was my favorite madrigal:

Ever weather-beaten sail more willingly bent to shore,
Never tirèd pilgrim's limbs affected slumber more,
Than my wearied sprite now longs to fly out of my troubled breast:
O come quickly, sweetest Lord, and take my soul to rest!

Ever blooming are the joys of heaven's high Paradise,
Cold age deafs not there our ears nor vapour dims our eyes:
Glory there the sun outshines; whose beams the Blessèd only see:
O come quickly, glorious Lord, and raise my sprite to Thee!
- Thomas Campion (1567-1619)

Two Great Stories on a Saturday

on a night like this

Well, my idea for this bla(h)g came out of nights…err mornings just like this… My head swirls with thoughts and nuggets of wisdom and I have a dialogue with myself that satisfies my desire to vent. Alas, now I have an outlet. Some people look at blogs and see them as some sort of sick voyeurism: airing dirty laundry and deep dark secrets pandering for sympathy or looking for some sort of twisted internet fame… I have no such delusions. This bla(h)g exists for me and me alone. I wanted to see if I could write each and everyday in hopes of sharpening and honing my writing skills, and in all truth work toward a collection of thoughts I could call a “book”… The fact that I push a button and what I write gets launched into cyberspace where literally billions of people can read it, if they so choose makes me accountable for my words (no plagiarism here!), but also, as Frank Warren’s Post Secret experiment proves, the anonymous nature of the internet proves to be fertile ground for airing secrets and thoughts that perhaps are unable to be spoken of in person- for whatever reason.

And so here I am this morning with knots in my stomach for reasons unbeknown to me. So many good and exciting things happened today… and yet a couple unfortunate events sort of even the scales… as the ebbs and flows of life are prone to do… I enjoy this time to be able to write. I find myself thinking about future posts. Things like my “date with Fate” and “on the need to be whole” are forthcoming… But this morning… As Tagore says in “Stray Birds”, “Man barricades against himself.” …

There are few things I lack in this world. Materialistically, I’m totally set. I have to hang my head in shame when I find myself drooling over something in a Best Buy ad… I have everything I could possibly need. But yet, for the first time ever in my life, I think, I lack a sounding board- a good fellow to converse with and bounce things off of… to share hopes and fears… you know the type. It’s hard to not look at marriage as war when it takes all your best men, ya know? I think about going to a therapist (read: shrink) not because of any particular issue or roadblock I’m looking to explore, but because I want a friend. Ha! Literally paying someone to listen... geesh.

I dunno… I’m in such an odd season of life right now. I read books on development, I know where I should be at cognitively, and I think I’m in the 90 percentile, but there is no book on how to grow up. Not to mention my profession is a daily intellectual digression (not at all in a bad way, but the fact of the matter is the intellect of a 8th grader is anything and everything but stimulating and engaging…) and now I’m back at school, listening to know-nothing 20 year olds with the life experience of spoon-fed infant tell me how they’re going to change the world… peers are parents, co-workers are mid-life, and I’m in a sort of Neverland treading water at the mental age of 22. I know I sound like I’m whining, and I don’t mean to, but man I am really just stuck right now. In “On the Need to Be Whole”, I plan on talking about the importance of hope. At this point I have little hope that the “best-friend” shaped void in my life will be filled anytime soon… that’s a sinking feeling to have!
Then again, Clare Boothe Luce said, “There are no hopeless situations; there are only men who have grown hopeless about them.” This situation is by no means hopeless, but, for tonight at least, this man has grown hopeless about it… blah.
I turn my eyes upward and He tells me over and over- MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT! And I know that- I rest in it, I really do… its just that walking through valleys unaccompanied is no fun… but continually reaching mountain tops in perpetual solitude is downright heartbreaking…

Today is my grandpa’s funeral… I don’t really know how to feel about that… I mean honestly, it doesn’t really make me sad. I have nothing to be sad about. He was 91! He's with Jesus! I guess I’m kinda bummed I’m not going to be going, but I really have no reason or time to go- and I don’t mean that crassly, it’s just the facts. My plan was to write about death tonight. I even got out my copy of “On Death and Dying” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross… but, alas, I’ve gone a different direction… oh bla(h)g you have served your purpose well. Thanks new friend!


This is a tune by Andrew Peterson... sums it up, I think...

Friday, January 15, 2010

alive and kickin'

WELL... week 1: great success! Methinks I just might make it! more on that later...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

one of my favs...

Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.

--G.K. Chesterton

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

YNP Reflections

I was looking back at my Yellowstone National Park journals a couple days ago when I got the idea to write an entry about my experiences in the center of God’s majestic creation.
In what were the best three months of my young life, I learned more about myself, my God, and His grace than perhaps ever before, and if I may, I would like to share some of my thoughts and reflections on my time spent in Grant Village.
Grant, the southernmost development of Yellowstone, is a most spectacular place on the West Thumb of Lake Yellowstone. The lake is breathtaking; to the east is a tree-covered mountain rage which is the stage for some of the most beautiful sun rises these eyes have ever seen. The shore is made up of course, black, volcanic rock that isn’t much for making sandcastles but presents a stunning contrast to the cobalt water. The lake in combination with the varied wildlife and excellent fishing makes Grant Village a place of stunning beauty only a truly almighty God could form. An hour or so (depends on the amount of tourists) to the south is the jagged and rugged Grand Teton mountain range. The Tetons, like no other mountains, have no foothills. They are just daggers of rock spanning 15 miles of extraordinary landscape. With a river running through and a handful of glacier fed lakes at their base, these majestic skyscrapers assemble a splendor that no lens can capture and no canvass could do justice. These are my experiences in such a wonderful place.

I’ve always dreamed of living in the mountains surrounded by the Creator’s handiwork. I talked of going to Montana since high school, never thinking my pipe dreams would ever come to fruition. But, on May 18th, my dreams would become reality. I drove my 1992 FULLY LOADED Olds 88 Royal with 210,000 hard earned miles through the North Gate of YNP, my home for the next three months.

I had been to Yellowstone in the summer of 1988, a month before a fire destroyed nearly one-third the park. Unfortunately, my memories had long passed, with only a faint recollection of being chased by a bison remaining. Indeed, this was new land for me, sights my eyes had never beheld, and let me tell you, those eyes were opened WIDE!
My first stop was the indescribable Mammoth Hot Springs, after some obligatory paper work, we were on our way two and a half hours south to Grant. The terrain on our journey was unbelievable. It was much of the same I had seen throughout Montana, only intensified ten times. Most of the rock was at a 90 degree angle; I could see where the rock was shifted, uprooted and forced vertical - an obvious effect of the flood. Gen 7:11 reads, “the underground waters burst from the earth, and the rain fell in mighty torrents from the sky.” It was in driving through this land that it dawned on me, “I cannot describe the elation that is in my heart! It’s amazing how much can be learned from our God by looking at His creation; or, more specifically, these amazing landscapes that were created out of His wrath and anger over sin (flood). What a paradox - beauty out of rage” Grace takes on a whole new meaning when you’ve seen His power - I mean I know who my Savior is and the thought of His bloody, criminal death is gut-wrenching and motivation enough to live a life of service. But to see His creation in the un-adulterated (or as close as the 21st century allows) state is a wholly different perspective on His grace and mercy. “To once again think that it was by God’s wrath that this wonderful landscape was formed is reason to fall on your knees and proclaim His name! You have a dying Son in the name of selfless love, and jagged mountains and flowing waterfalls from the heat of wrath - and all of it, every single atom for you and me! Oh what a mighty God we serve!!” I wrote that after only nine days in the park. The best was still to be seen.

What an amazing place Yellowstone is, and to be able to live in the park was a blessing beyond words. I was surrounded by immaculate beauty. The skyscrapers of Minneapolis were replaced with snow topped mountains, the highways with Bison trails, the radio and TV with cricket and songbirds, and the city glow with the glow of millions of stars and a moon clear as glass. What a place!

I went on to write: “In nine days Christ has brought me into His arms and hugged me closer than ever before. He has revealed to me more of His sanctifying love then ever before - or, more likely, these things have always been in front of me, and I’ve always been this close to Him, but I wasn’t looking. I am a wide-eyed child here, because it is new and exciting. I had grown cold and complacent in the cities and it was hurting my relationship with Jesus. Now, the trick is not letting that happen again - because no matter what, this place too will become routine. It is the man of great faith that can take the routine and turn it into wide-eyed childlike worship.” Therein lies my new outlook for life: coming back to the “Heart of Worship”.

I was in Cody, WY one Saturday night after a rodeo (there’s a rodeo every night during summer!). I was sitting outside my hotel just looking at the stars when I heard the wind pass through the Aspen trees surrounding me. If you have never heard an Aspen in wind they are pretty cool! The leaves almost look like a spear head - a shape that catches wind perfectly. Then they wave back and forth hitting against each other causing them to clap in a most curious way. It actually can get quite loud.

I later found out that rarely are Aspen found alone- they only live in groves because they are a congregational tree, that is, they share a root system. Where you find one Aspen, there are ten sharing the same network of roots. After the 1988 Yellowstone fires destroyed thousands of Aspen, ecologists were concerned that they would be permanently eradicated. Then, a few years later, single Aspens began to grown miles away from where they were previously found. It appears that the fire’s heat caused the seeds to close very tightly, and the wind spread them all around the park! The fire actually helped spread the seed, thus planting “families” of Aspens all over the park, rather than in just one area.

I can’t help but look upward when talking about the Aspen. We as Christians have the privilege of sharing a root system, deeply rooted in Christ; we are a congregation, sharing a network of roots going to the source of the Living Waters. Our worship is caused by the Wind, that is, the Spirit. The Spirit Fire has a way of spreading us apart, so that His seed may be planted all over the world. It is amazing! “Evangelical Aspen” showing us how to worship. Complete Spirit-driven worship, no wind - no worship. Psalm 104:4 “He makes the wind His messengers, flames of fire His servants.}

In Luke 19, we see the account of Jesus riding into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. The Pharisees were upset at all the cheers and praises to Jesus’ name and told Him to quite His disciples. Jesus told them, “If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” (Luke 19:40) I have yet to hear a rock sing, but I’ve heard a tree clap in true and pure worship. Without the wind the trees cannot clap, just as without the Spirit we cannot praise our Lord. Praise be to that Wind and Fire and His creation!

It was hard to make the 2 1/2 hour drive to the closest Lutheran worship service, but I did twice a month. The Aspen got me to think, though. What is worship? Is it a song? Is it a sermon? Is it prayer? What is worship? Is it something to be done for an hour (maybe even an hour and a half!?!?) on a Sunday morning and then never spoken of again until the next week? Worship is the act of glorifying God, the “ardent devotion” according to Webster. For me worship was a once-a-week thing, no more, often less. But after basking in His creation, after sitting through an Aspen worship service, I simply cannot limit my worship to an hour on Sunday.
The praise song “ Heart of Worship” comes to mind.
It says:
“When the music fades, and all has passed away, and I simply come.
Longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless Your heart.
I’ll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within through the way things appear,
You’re looking into my heart.
I’m coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s all about You, Jesus.
I’m sorry, Lord for the thing I’ve made it, when it’s all about You…”

Worship is my time devoted to God. It is more than a song, it is more than a Sunday morning service, it’s my LIFE. God wants me! He hears my songs and words, but if I give Him just words, it is nothing. I get to give Him my all, my everything, my burdens as well as my successes - all is His. I’ve made worship everything BUT admiration for Jesus, but now, I’m coming back to the Heart of worship - Christ!
With all of my heart, with all of my might, I offer myself to the God of my life. I worship You, Almighty God! Paul urges us to “offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:1). Being in Yellowstone transformed me. It is my prayer that I will be able to worship, to edify my Savior with every step that I take. May I always live my life as a living sacrifice that I can put off this sinful world and bask in His never-ending mercy. I will fail day after day, but my life is more than a song, it is a symphony to the Most High, may HIS name be magnified!

Psalm 8: “When I look into the night sky and see the work of your fingers - the moon and the stars which you have set into place - what is man that you should think of him, the son of man that you care for him? For you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.” Through His creation we are driven to worship, through His word we see that He has given us the crown of life in exchange for our lives. It is in that promise that I find hope, and in His arms I find rest. His name be praised to the ends of the earth!! Alleluia!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

How Deep...

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocing voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that helf Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I knoww that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Monday, January 11, 2010

another quickie

I know these have been lame and short, but so has been my attention span...
SOON. SOOON i shall post something meaningful (a relative concept, to be sure...) :)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

fear and loathing in mankato

i'm about to begin my 13th semester of college. if you think you can outrun your past... think again. i should have been done with school 6 years ago... i'm all from learning from mistakes, but this... arg.
well.
here's goes nothin'.
16 weeks left.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

really quick-like

I'm going ice fishing... RIGHT NOW. I want to post some amazingly profound insights... but I gotta go freeze on the ice.
Maybe more later.
you betcha!

Broken Things

You can have my heart but it isn't new
It's been used and broken and only comes in blue
It's been down a long road and it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean wash the pain away

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my heart
If you don't mind these tears
I heard that you make all things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it, you can have my heart

So beyond repair, nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself but it was only worse when i got through
But then you walked right into my darkness and you speak words so sweet
You hold me like a child til my frozen tears fall at your feet

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my heart
If you don't mind these tears
I heard that you make all things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it, you can have my heart

---Broken Things by Julie Miller

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Things I Think Someone Should Invent

Things I Think Someone Should Invent, Volume 1:

1- A computer program that allows you to build a road trip. BUT it also lets you know of fun and interesting roadside attractions along your route. Things like the Biggest Ball of Twine, and those dinosaurs on Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. This program should be free and part of Google Maps. Get on that Google! I’m waiting! (note: RoadsideAmerica.com has something like this, but it slow and clumsy and really unreliable… for instance one of the “attractions” is some creepy dude’s house… really internet? Really?)

2- The Pancake Taco. I can’t elaborate on this too much, because I don’t want cyber-thieves stealing my million-dollar ideas. But trust me, this one’s gold. Just a little sampling… two words (well, three, but one’s hyphenated…): deep-fried pancake. Yes.

3- A Smell Detector. Now, this one seems odd… odder than a taco-cake… but you see there’s this odor that frequents my house and I CANNOT figure out what it is… and it comes and goes… it’s so weird SO weird. If I had a detector I could find the source and, ideally, squash it. There’s gotta be something that can read the microbes in the air and at least tell me WHAT I’m smelling. I know I’ve seen something like that on CSI. I need to call Grissom and get him on it, I guess.

Well that’s all I have right now… my brain is tired. There will be MORE inventions… trust me. Meanwhile, observe, if you will, the word of the day:
flibbertigibbet--a flighty or whimsical person, usually a young female; a chattering or flighty, light-headed person

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Story of Stuff

OK so check this out:
http://www.storyofstuff.com/
I don’t know who Annie Leonard is, but I assume she’s a liberal (isn’t that horrible? Pro environment, anti-business =liberal in my mind…) Regardless of her political views, her camera presence is pleasing and her voice not nails on a chalkboard, so I have given her the 20 minutes she wanted to tell me the Story of Stuff.

Truth be told, it made me think… We waste a TON (literally) of stuff, and it’s not good. She points out a lot of really interesting and alarming things. I don’t have much to say about her facts, but her conclusion gets me thinkin’. The goal of commerce now is to get as many goods to as many people in the cheapest possible way. We can get crap for cheap. REALLY cheap. And yet adverse poverty and hunger exist in our nation. My question is if we re-vamp the system and become totally eco-conscience and fair-wage driven, how much MORE money will that cost? If we have poverty in our current system, how much more poverty would we create by implementing closed-loop production and recycled-only products? As much as I agree with the idea of keeping what we have and not living in a disposable society, we must face the fact that our society IS indeed disposable (not the people, just the lifestyle…). I just don’t see how any other way can work. Our cost of living now is crazy high, and we genetically engineer chickens and out source everything! Imagine how much more money EVERYTHING would be if it were made domestically (unions…grr…) and grown locally…
Fundamentally, I disagree with Annie’s foundational point that the government is supposed to “take care of us.” I don’t want a government that takes care of me, I want one that protects me and allows me to take care of myself. That’s the problem, I think. No one wants to take personal responsibility, so they throw away whatever they want, consume whatever they please, and expect the government to bail them out when they get in trouble… So, if anything, this video has planted the seed of self-governance. It isn’t cool to exploit people and willfully pollute the world God gave us.
So maybe I gotta take better care of the stuff I have and be more aware of the waste I’m creating. Not because I’m afraid the earth is going to warm and we’re all going to drown, not because Al Gore told me to, not because I don’t enjoy the super-huge freak-of-nature chickens McDonalds creates. But because I’m called to be a good steward of the gifts that God has given me- and that includes my body and His creation… that’s all. I honor God by taking care of me and the little slice of this world He has entrusted me with. That’s not too much to ask, I think, nor does it make me a leftist eco-Nazi.
Anyway, it’s food for thought… take it or leave it. I think I need some Chicken McNuggets…

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

lessons from the dental chair

My first dentist visit in half a decade was not a welcomed one. I had a dull pain in my top left molars that was too strong to ignore, so to the chair I went. It was 90 minutes of white-knuckled clinching to the arm rests and wincing in pain. Not fun at all.
The experience, however, got me thinking. There HAS to be a metaphor somewhere in a visit to the dentist… so here are some rough thoughts:

As young Lisa (the hygienist given the tall task of my teeth cleaning) pried 5 years of calculus from my fragile, hemorrhaging gums, she wisely told me I had to feel the pain to get rid of the pain. So true, Lisa… so true. In fact, after her extraction, I am indeed pain-free. Thanks!
Fredrick Buechner in his book “Telling Secrets” talks about his life and how his father committed suicide when Fredrick was young and how that drastically changed his life. You can imagine how that might have an impact. I can’t even begin to fathom the pain that he must have experienced and the heartache he went through. And yet, he says this:
Who knows how I might have turned out if my father had lived, but through the loss of him all those long years ago I think that I learned something about how even tragedy can be a means of grace that I might never have come to any other way…
…The saddest things that happened long ago will always remain part of who we are just as the glad an gracious things will too, but instead of being a burden of guilt, recrimination, and regret that make us constantly stumble as we go, even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead.


Finding grace in pain, that is the mark of a man of faith, and that is what Lisa was telling me. I needed to go through the pain of extraction in order for the long-term pain of infection to cease. Sure, life would be different, if not easier, without the pain of stuff jammed in between my teeth, but now I know how it feels to have tooth pain, and I appreciate NOT having it all the more. The simplest of tasks- chewing- was difficult for the past three days, now I rejoice every time I bite without pain. I exult in pain-free chewing! Never would I have done that had I not gone through a time when chewing was painful. Pain in our lives makes us look at even the most mundane tasks and privileges and has us treat them for what they are: glorious gifts of God.

There is a reason why I have avoided the high pitched squeals and suction straws of my local D.D.S. I hate them. I hate the idea of someone prying in my mouth, I hate the noises, I hate the pain, I hate the condescending tone of, “you need to brush for two minutes twice a day, mmkay?” Truth be told, I would have avoided it for another 5 years if this abscess wouldn’t have flared its ugly head. But the fact of the matter is, if I was to go more often it wouldn’t be so bad. If I would have kept up with the every 6 month office visits, the pain would have been minimal, at most. The condescension would have been saved for the next guy, and the visit would have been 20 minutes and routine. The things I hate about the dentist are the very things I brought upon myself. Of course there are those people who floss after every meal, brush 3 times a day, and never go longer than 180 days between office visits. Those people can sit back and tell me how the dentist is no big deal and I’m over reacting. Their experience at the Smile Center is much different than mine. I’m there out of guilt and unyielding pain. They’re there for fun, genuine concern and responsibility, and vanity.

So too, people hate going to church. I’ve been blessed to never have that feeling (longer than a week or two, I suppose) because it’s always been part of my culture. I never miss a week. Granted, I work at a church, so that’s kind of cheating, but even when I didn’t church was a top priority in my life. I know church to be a place of fun, family, faith, and food, both spiritual and earthly (in the decadent Bavarian-crème filled variety)…

That is not the case for so many people! They are in church because they were guilted into it or because they think they have to or because they want to look good, whatever the motivation it’s not to maintain a healthy faith life. Not only that, but there are people who are afraid of church. They’re afraid of being yelled at, afraid of being shown their sin. I hear that and I smile and say, “No, church is fine, you’re just over reacting!” But that’s because I don’t miss a visit. I lack the ability to put myself in the shoes of someone who hasn’t been there for a while, who is clinging tight to the arm handles because he’s in a place he doesn’t want to be.
May God break my heart for those who are not part of a church home. May I seek out the lost and disenfranchised. May I remember what it felt like to go into those dental doors for the first time in years and feel the pain and humiliation of a 21 year old pointing out my dirty stains. May I never forget that my experience at church is unlike anyone else’s, and may it be my ambition in life to meet people where they are at so that coming to God with a contrite heart resembles in no way me coming to Dr. Huyng with a throbbing jaw.

These are just raw thoughts of the dentist… I have to go back in two weeks, so maybe there will be more… you can only be so lucky! 

Monday, January 4, 2010

disturbing realization

This is truly troubling.
This morning as I searched for a morning Powerbar, I gazed upon my fridge to see the beaming faces of my married friends who sent me Christmas cards last year. All so happy, all so married…
My thoughts on marriage notwithstanding, I do enjoy hearing from my former classmates and seeing their lovely families. That’s when the troubling fact hit me harder than the -11 degree wind waiting for me as I left for the morning. Last year I received 10, count ‘em: 10 cards from friends. This year, one.
That’s a 90% decline in Christmas love.

There, there, I tell myself, the economy has hit these young people hard, they simply cannot afford the cost of printing pictures and sending them across the nation to friends and family eagerly awaiting their arrival. Not only that, but several of those cards included a newly married couple, or a recently arrived bundle of joy. This year they are just in routine life, and thus they have nothing they feel is noteworthy to share. Yeah, that’s it! They’re broke and boring… poor nuptial-laden dimwits.

It was about then- when I had reached my happy place of denial- that the Powerbar kicked in, and with it the power of rational thought. What if they ALL sent out cards this year telling of all their wedded adventures and infant joy? What if they didn’t send one to me on purpose??? What if, because they haven’t heard from me in a while, or feel as if I’m uninterested, or because I’m single, they actually deleted me from their Christmas list? What if it WAS the economy and they could only afford to send a card to their nearest and dearest friends, and I wasn’t one of them? What if I’ve become a second or third-tiered friend??? Horrors!

If that is the case, it’s because of marriage, and only validates my semi-serious distain for said institution. We WERE friends- good friends most likely- until that hussy stole you away, and that big-eyed poop machine took up all your attention and energy. Why must I be punished because of your poor life choices? That’s what I want to know!

And so, the mozaic of friends (or former friends, as it seems) that is my fridge is perilously out of date, and I continue to be disconnected from those whom I loved so. Que Serat, I say. Such is my life: a series of outdated pretentious Christmas cards that cease to arrive. Bah humbug.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

on Xena once as a gnome or something...

First of all, I can’t figure out why the timestamp is 2 hours behind Central time… It’s odd.
Anyway, it’s Sunday night, and for a long time that means I watch Garden State. An odd tradition, I know, but it was started by good people a long time ago, and while I haven’t observed said tradition in a long time, tonight I shall.

I love this movie so much. I’m not a huge Zach Braff fan at all, but this film hits me hard every time I watch it. The soundtrack is amazing, and I have a TREMENDOUS emotional attachment to it. That’s a whole ‘nother bla(g)h post, let me tell ya…

But I think the thing I love the most is Natalie Portman’s character, Sam. I really don’t know what it is about her, but I absolutely love her. Rarely do I find a character I enjoy. Honestly, I’ve never watched a movie and said, “we should hang out!” Don’t get me wrong, I have no delusions of Sam being real but yet there IS a real-ness to her and I sometimes find myself thinking that people I meet are kinda like her… OK that sounds weird… I assure it’s not… shut up!

I do get bummed about the story a little, though. I mean the dude hasn’t really lived for 20 years- he’s been so medicated on anti-depressants and whatnot. I just think the story could go in so many directions- I like the love story- but some of the mundane discoveries would have been great to see- much like Wall-E, ya know?

Looking on IMDB (I didn’t know if Zach was a Zack or not…) The first discussion in the boards is: “I wish I could meet a girl who's as quirky, adorable, and likable as Sam. She's someone who you can sit with for hours and just talk about everything going on in your life.“
Matthew Moviebuff… you and I are kindred spirits…

I dunno, growing up is the trippiest thing ever, man. I’m just figuring out that there is no blueprint for getting older, and “normal” is really a nebulous concept. Feeling comfortable in one’s own skin is obviously key to growing up, but even that… I mean, how do you do it? Where do you look for validation? What do you let go and what is it OK to hang on to? Ugh. Its wild… I guess that’s what I get from this film, and in a really cheesy way it makes it
OK to be me. Yeah… that and it’s just a good, quirky story that I enjoy watching on Sunday nights, just to be nostalgic. Good times.

Sigh. 3 posts into this lovely bla(h)g and I am frustrated at my lack of eloquence… I thought that having an opportunity to write my thoughts would make them flow as a babbeling brook descending down an alpine mountain… so far… not so much… here’s to free flowing thoughts as we progress, aye?

As Sam says, “My mom always says that, when she can see I'm like working something out in my head, she's like, 'you're in it right now' and I'm looking at you while you're telling this story, and you're definitely in it.”
...I really want to be in it.

revelation!

Wow. 3:02am, and I just realized how talented Bobby McFerrin is... truly amazing... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1mvfzoHm9g&feature=related

Saturday, January 2, 2010

eternal sunshine...

Soon as thy letters trembling I unclose,
That well-known name awakens all my woes.
Oh name for ever sad! for ever dear!
Still breath'd in sighs, still usher'd with a tear.
I tremble too, where'er my own I find,
Some dire misfortune follows close behind.
Line after line my gushing eyes o'erflow,
Led through a sad variety of woe:
Now warm in love, now with'ring in thy bloom,
Lost in a convent's solitary gloom!
There stern religion quench'd th' unwilling flame,
There died the best of passions, love and fame.
-From Alexander Pope’s “Eloisa To Abelard”

Friday, January 1, 2010

In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: it goes on.
- Robert Frost

here goes nothin'

Ah New Years… I’m not sure where resolutions came from… but I’ve been against them as a whole for going on 28 years now. Alas, this year I had the wonderfully unoriginal idea to blog every day in 2010 (ala zeFrank, only less witty and funny... and not on video...).
So here I am. I have sung the praises of “journaling” for years, and yet I myself journal not. Every 6 months or so I tell myself I’m going to start, but to no avail. This year is different. I must win a point (don’t ask), and I must get some of these amazing thoughts out of my head. NOT ONLY THAT, but when I was a waiter I told people in a blatant lie that I was in the middle of writing a book called “Deep Thoughts from a Simple Mind”. May this be my first step in atoning my youthful transgressions.

SO for all of you who will flock to this blog to read my daily bla(h)g, expect to find not only jocular musings, but also thoughts with depth and profundity. (Disclaimer: I expect to spend at least the month of January talking about just how deep they will be, so don’t expect any REAL substance until February at the earliest.) Yup. Lots of stuff bouncing around in this noggin’ of mine, and at last I have an outlet. Be afraid. :)